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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Formula against my wishes

127 replies

Efsmum1 · 30/05/2015 16:53

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation. My ex partner and I split when my baby was less than a week old. Now she's 6 weeks old and he's demanding he has her (on his own) for a full day. She's only ever been breastfed (which I'm very proud of) and has not been away from me for more than 2 hours. I've told him this isn't possible until she's older but now he's threatening that if I don't express (I don't have anywhere near enough milk to express for one feed never mind a full day) he will give her formula. Please help???

OP posts:

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 30/05/2015 16:56

I'm pretty sure you can say no.

Are you married? And is he on the birth certificate?

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 30/05/2015 16:57

From what I have read on here, an exclusively breast-fed Baby will not be expected to be separated from its Mother, but you would do well to get proper advice.

woowoo22 · 30/05/2015 16:57

What is the legal arrangement for contact?

KittyVonCatsworth · 30/05/2015 16:58

I think he is being unreasonable. 6 weeks is so young and I'm sure you're both trying to get into some sort of routine. Stick to your guns; you're not denying access by insisting he does house visits until you're comfortable. I'm not sure about EBM, but can you start stockpiling and freezing now even in small amounts? Must say I'm clueless about breast feeding!

carabos · 30/05/2015 16:59

Tell him to get to fuck.

Writerwannabe83 · 30/05/2015 17:00

I would tell him to give off and good luck in finding a lawyer/judge/whatever that agrees to take a 6 week old breast feeding baby away from its mother.

He sounds like a bit of a bastard if he's taking this attitude. His priority should be what's best for his daughter, not what's best for him.

You absolutely don't have to hand your baby over and if he tries to take her then just call the police.

itchysofunny · 30/05/2015 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/05/2015 17:00

Let him take you to court, I believe judges will not separate bf babies from their mothers until older.

Writerwannabe83 · 30/05/2015 17:00

give off = fuck off

AvocadoLime · 30/05/2015 17:03

Contact is supposed to be in the best interests of the child, not because one parent feels entitled to it. Get legal advice but I am fairly certain you can tell him that he can't have her for long stretches of time without you until your breastfed baby is developmentally able.

AliceHoney · 30/05/2015 17:04

My blood is boiling for you. What a selfish, entitled prick he sounds. It's not all about him, it's about your baby, and clearly she is best served by being able to continue to feed with you. What carabos said.

peggyundercrackers · 30/05/2015 17:07

Kitty maybe the father is trying to get into some kind of routing with HIS child? I think yabu - express and give him access.

Pandora37 · 30/05/2015 17:07

Tell him he's most definitely not having her for a full day and if he thinks otherwise he can get lost. He can go down the legal route if he wants to but he won't win. Stick to your guns.

TidyDancer · 30/05/2015 17:12

Peggy, where does it say the op wants to deny the father access? Could you point to the exact sentence where she has said that because I have missed it, clearly.

OP, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please do get some 'official' advice, but I'm pretty sure you'll be in the right. it sounds like immature posturing from your ex anyway, but I can't see anyone legally mandating that an ebf 6wk baby should be away from her mother.

KittyVonCatsworth · 30/05/2015 17:13

Peggy, the baby is 6 weeks old. The mother cannot, ATM, express a full days feed in one hit. The routine is pretty set in stone for the time being. I can't believe he, the FATHER, doesn't understand that. It smacks of being spiteful IMO.

pointythings · 30/05/2015 17:15

Let him take you to court. What he wants is NOT in the interest of his child, he is only thinking of himself. You need time to establish bf fully so that you can express for when DC is older. Giving formula right now may well be the end of BF for you as nipple confusion is likely. He's going to have to settle for shorter spells of seeing his DC for the time being if he really cares about her wellbeing.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 30/05/2015 17:16

Kitty, that isn't how breastfeeding works.

Just say no, he isn't putting the interest of the child first is he?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 30/05/2015 17:16

I meant peggy!

Goldmandra · 30/05/2015 17:17

He would have to show the court how it was in her best interests to be removed from you for a full day and fed formula instead of BM. He won't be able to do that.

It is her right to have contact with him, not his right to take her off you. In order for her right to contact to be upheld, it is in her best interests for that contact to be arranged around her right to be breastfed.

Tell him he won't be taking her anywhere for longer than she goes between feeds for now and keep a written record of all communications between you in case he decides to try going to court.

coconutpie · 30/05/2015 17:23

Peggy, that is a ridiculous suggestion and I suggest you educate yourself about breastfeeding if you believe it reasonable for a 6 week old breastfed baby to be separated from their mother for a full day. This suggestion of "just express" makes my fuckin blood boil.

OP - tell him to go fuck himself. He can see the baby with you present but that's it. At that young an age, I only had breaks for 30-60 mins tops before baby needed feeding again! No judge on this planet would allow a breastfed baby to be separated from their mother for any length of time at this age. Sounds like you had a lucky escape leaving the bastard, he sounds like a right selfish prick.

coconutpie · 30/05/2015 17:24

Oh and well done for breastfeeding for 6 weeks! After 6 weeks it gets so much easier with every passing day.

mynewpassion · 30/05/2015 17:26

I think courts would say often and a couple of hours at a time. So he won't be able to have her for a full day but he should be able to have her a couple hours a few days a week. Some of these times, you might need to express milk.

Original poster

Efsmum1 · 30/05/2015 17:29

Thank you so much for all your advice, I feel so much better about it now. I can't afford to seek legal advice at the moment, as of yet he hasn't paid any maintenance.

OP posts:

Dosydoly · 30/05/2015 17:29

Blimey Peggy you don't know what you're talking about at all.

OP definitely get some advice to put your mind at rest but you are doing the right thing, stick to your guns.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 30/05/2015 17:31

You could ask for a free half hour. Plenty of solicitors do that.

Or post in the legal MN bit. Someone will help you out.

And contact the CSA.

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