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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you equate your partner masturbating to cheating?

150 replies

Allisgood1 · 24/05/2015 15:28

Just that really.
I had a friend who caught her dh masturbating to a porn. They went for counseling.
Another friend found out hers masturbated to Game of Thrones. She banned him from watching it and told him he's effectively cheating on her and this is grounds for divorce ??
Am I missing something????

OP posts:
Gilrack · 25/05/2015 20:32

It's not always about wanting or fancying actual sex.

No, it's a different activity. And that's probably at the root of a lot of people's issues with it. It's much quicker (unless you're on my antidepressants, in which case you could cook a four-course meal for 30 guests with different dietary restrictions while I got there Hmm) and much more selfish. Great for a bit of short-term tension relief, and fine as a shared activity if neither partner can be bothered with penetrative sex.

You get problems when people - especially men, because the difference is generally more pronounced for them - start preferring it to full sex with their partner. It happens more often than folks like to admit. You also get problems when people can't see masturbation as a different activity and think the 'wanker' should always prefer them: like the nutters in the OP.

Talkingmouse · 25/05/2015 20:58

I'd just join in.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/05/2015 21:18

Well if that was the case we'd all be classed as cheating wouldn't we.
I mean masterbation although still a little taboo amongst women if something we all do. I'm not going to pretend I've never done it.
If I've been horny and I'm not seeing my partner that day, and I need a quick orgasm. and like all men I know dp enjoys getting friendly with himself. Perfectly normal and perfectly healthy. Not cheating at all

mrspremise · 25/05/2015 21:21

Jusr watching Game of Thrones is bad enough... someone jerking off to it is just a horrifying notion Confused

almondcakes · 25/05/2015 21:35

Masturbation: fine.
Porn: not fine.
Fictional sex: probably fine.

Nancyjuice7 · 26/05/2015 00:39

Depends on the porn, some is really abusive and awful and that i would be upset about but everything else perfectly normal and is not cheating. Although if theys stopped having sex and left stains around the house id have something to say

7amliein · 26/05/2015 06:36

Three stages of any relationship.

A man masturbates:

a. Never, because we are doing it so often
b.....and the lady joins in
c. Quietly, in the dark - hoping she doesn't wake up..

She is being pretty unreasonable. If she doesn't want him wanking she should be offering some solutions ie going back to stage 1 or stage 2

Delboy73 · 15/03/2017 04:06

My wife texted me the other day saying she had just rubbed one out watching porn. Guess im just lucky. She also doesnt care.

BadLad · 15/03/2017 05:52

My wife texted me the other day saying she had just rubbed one out watching porn.

So did my wife, but she was talking about my attempt to do the crossword.

skerrywind · 15/03/2017 06:15

Another friend found out hers masturbated to Game of Thrones.

That certainly needs looking into.

Watching it is bad enough.

Isn't masturbation good for men and women? .

Groovee · 15/03/2017 06:18

Wouldn't class having a wank as cheating.

skerrywind · 15/03/2017 06:21

So if a grown adult touches their own genitals for pleasure it is cheating and requires counselling?

Which puritanical third dimension is that?

skerrywind · 15/03/2017 06:24

It's actually quite disturbing if you think it through.

As if a person's sexuality is owned or controlled by another. Why shouldn't someone enjoy solo pleasure- even while in a relationship?

HelenaWay · 15/03/2017 06:32

This is a ZOMBIE THREAD

BlackMirror · 15/03/2017 06:43

Someone bumping masterbation threads for some reason Hmm

JamDonutsRule · 15/03/2017 07:03

It probably is for the people who worry about wasting god's precious seed. But for everyone else normal people no.

BillSykesDog · 15/03/2017 07:06

Don't care. He cleans the shower every morning when he wanks in it. So he gets his jollies, I get a clean shower. Everyone's a winner.

Roanoke · 15/03/2017 07:48

Hilarious.

I'd have been divorced years ago.

Surely none of these women who think masturbation is so evil masturbate themselves - or they're massive hypocrites - and that's always made me wonder a bit. Like, is it still really so unusual?

ADayAnyDay · 15/03/2017 08:15

I think this is one of those things where you set your own boundaries within a relationship, everyone has different expectations.

(some people are happy to include other people in their relationships and some would be unhappy with masterbation)
As long as both partners know what to expect and are happy with the limits of their relationship then crossing that boundary can be classed as cheating.

ADayAnyDay · 15/03/2017 08:18

Ha, just realised this is a zombie thread! 🙈

EeyoreNeededMedication · 15/03/2017 08:43

Isn't GoT all about incest and rape?

2boytrouble · 15/03/2017 09:10

This is ridiculous!

I'd love to walk in on dp masturbating, quite a turn on!

amusedbush · 15/03/2017 09:13

Someone bumped a zombie thread to announce that their wife tells them when she wanks?

Dahlietta · 15/03/2017 09:24

Someone bumped a zombie thread to announce that their wife tells them when she wanks?

Not just to announce, either, but to boast Confused

WatchHowISoar · 15/03/2017 09:27

Another friend found out hers masturbated to Game of Thrones. She banned him from watching it and told him he's effectively cheating on her and this is grounds for divorce 
Am I missing something?

Was it the Ramsey/reek scenes? Grin

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