To ask if you equate your partner masturbating to cheating?

[Allisgood1]

Just that really.
I had a friend who caught her dh masturbating to a porn. They went for counseling.
Another friend found out hers masturbated to Game of Thrones. She banned him from watching it and told him he's effectively cheating on her and this is grounds for divorce ??
Am I missing something????

Sometimes I'm horny and I want some action with the other half. Sometimes I'm horny but really can't be bothered and just want a quick release then I'll just sort myself out. Him too. I don't see anything wrong with it. And I find it ridiculous that anyone objects to it providing the partner isn't withdrawing from a sex life with them.

I think it very much depends.

If there are issues in the marriage, their joint sex life is suffering and they have not been able to achieve a mutually satisfying sexual relationship (say since the birth of a baby), then I think one partner masturbating secretly is a cause for concern.

But overall if they have a reasonable / good / great sex life, then I would consider it absolutely fine.

The porn would also worry me, but would not lead me to LTB.

My husband left me because he caught me masturbating

Trust me I'm not one of them.

I'm one of the "cool wives"

Barmy. People's bodies are their own to do as they like with. Unless you're revolted for religious reasons, demanding that much control over your partner is abuse. You'd be miles better off being left, obviously.

Not cheating. but it's disrespectful if you don't make sure the other person won't see you.

Why is it disrespectful? When I masturbate it isn't some sort of statement that I don't find my husband sufficient - it's just a physical thing I do, much like exercise. Why should you conceal it from the person you share your life and home with?!

I'm one of the "cool wives"

As in you also do it? :)

The game of thrones bit would worry me,porn wouldnt be an issue as long as it was nothing illigal. I masterbate,dh masterbates, sometimes I use porn,i dont know if he does, and sometimes we watch porn together.

my first thought about anyone who thinks masterbating,with or without porn,is cheating and without any further knowledge is that they must be incredibly insecure.

I hope not. Otherwise I am cheating on my DP. Regularly.

I think it depends on the backstory

Long term fertility issues while TTC a few weeks after marriage and you find out he's been jerking off to redtube

Yes - counselling is required

It translated as: your not good enough to even turn me on, your body can't even function how other women can.

Not meant that way, of course. But that's an example of how porn causes problems in a marriage

Pmsl biggest crock of shit I have ever heard some people need a serious talking to. Cheating by wanking how ridiculous

This is nuts!! Maybe the GOT thing is just the women in the costumes. A fantasy role play thing with a strong woman and from bits I've seen (don't actually watch it) - pretty impressive cleavage displays

if I sit on the washer when it's on spin cycle, is that cheating?

Only if you've promised you'd be faithful to the tumble dryer.

These women are either being ridiculous or something else is going on and they aren't happy with their partners in general.

Not RTFT but utter bollocks, the most ridiculous idea ever.

What Greythorne said.

Masturbating is fine but if it's replacing a healthy sex life then it is a big problem.

It's a problem that comes up all too often on MN and gets dismissed because 'it's a perfectly natural thing', but how many people would be fine with their partners always choosing a wank over sex you?

I don't get the he/she should have came to me thing neither.
It's not always about wanting or fancying actual sex.
They are both BU unless there's some big issues regarding porn and lack of sex within the relationships.

If masturbation is cheating, then I have a lot to confess to DH about.

I dunno. Sometimes I like the sexual release without taking aside time, and energy, to give DH a rewarding sexual experience too. And it's my body, I'm not hurting anyone and we still have a perfectly good sex life.

I think both wives in the OP need serious help. Sounds deeply U to me.

No, I don't class it as cheating, it would only bother me if it started to effect our relationship.

The last time I sat on the spin cycle I gave birth 30 minutes later!

Porn is a deal breaker for me too.

Masturbation however, is none of my business. I would never dare to presume rights over somebody else's body. I can't laugh about the women in the op though. They sound exceedingly unhappy.

Actually men cannot win can they? Either they are bastards for wanting to have sex more than one a week/month/year or they are dirty perverts for having a wank instead of bothering you for a quickie. I can't believe anyone would go to counselling over this. I imagine it wouldn't take long for the counsellor to ask the women to question why it might bother her so much. I guess you might not want to see it but divorce/counselling? Really?

Goodness no! Sometimes DP and I are both busy at different times and one of us too knackered for sex so the other sorts themselves out. I can understand being upset by it if there is no sex at all and DP subs sex with masturbation. Porn issue again is personal preference, I don't have a problem with it but fully understand why people do - none of this is worth leaving DP over unless it has an impact on the emotional and sexual relationship.

I'd like to know...those of you who feel unhappy if you found your partner masturbating...don't YOU ever masturbate alone?

Er no. My DH and I regularly cheat on each other if that's the case.