Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH has made lunch

122 replies

Tybaltly · 09/05/2015 12:37

For the children and himself but not me!

Background: today I had a lie in day, DH took the children swimming and I was in the bath when they got back. I then dried my hair. When I went downstairs the children were eating pasta and DH was having last nights takeaway. When I asked if he'd made anything for me he said I'd "opted out".

I cook most meals, at weekends we usually eat the same food as a family. I am feeling really annoyed that this isn't reciprocated. But then I was having a lazy day and upstairs when they started eating?

AIBU at feeling annoyed? Because I really do!

OP posts:
monkeysaymoo · 09/05/2015 12:40

I would continue to 'opt out' and take myself off to a cafe for lunch on my own.

seaoflove · 09/05/2015 12:40

You'd "opted out"? What is that supposed to mean?

I take that to mean he's deliberately left you out because he resents you having a lie in and washing your damn hair?

Yeah, I'd be pissed off too.

CrohnicallyInflexible · 09/05/2015 12:41

YANBU. The least he could have done is shout up to see if you wanted anything. Maybe next time he's not in the room when you start cooking/eating, you should tell him he 'opted out'?

MangoJuggler · 09/05/2015 12:41

Yanbu

What a selfish toerag, thoughtless - punishing you too, imo, for having the temerity to have a lazy morning

Ugh

I'll bet there's other stuff going on too, non?

HoggleHoggle · 09/05/2015 12:43

He's being a dick.

rastamam · 09/05/2015 12:44

Yanbu. Yes very cheeky as he could have easily made enough pasta for you. You should order dominos pizza and icecream and go back upstairs for more relaxing.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2015 12:45

YANBU, he should have offered.

Having said that, if this was your DH moaning that you didn't make him lunch, I'm sure there would be cries of...

"He had a leisurely lie in, a bath, dried his hair and then waltzed down the stairs at lunchtime?? Tell him to get his own bloody lunch!"

woowoo22 · 09/05/2015 12:45

Twat (him).

LindyHemming · 09/05/2015 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allinson2014 · 09/05/2015 12:48

YANBU. Why couldn't he have shouted up to you? Is he generally like this?

GemmaTeller · 09/05/2015 12:50

wtf? 'you opted out' ???

What was stopping him shouting upstairs and asking you what you wanted?

BlackeyedSusan · 09/05/2015 12:51

he sounds a prat. if you cook for him when he has been relaxing then he is a complete prat...

what is the normal set up?

justonemoretime2p · 09/05/2015 12:52

He should have asked you what you wanted for lunch and prepared it for you, but let's be honest it's not the end of the world.
I would say "I don't know what you mean by opted out but nex time could you make me something as well"
If he tries to clarify what "opted out" means tell him you could start presuming he is opting out of things from now on.

Original poster
Tybaltly · 09/05/2015 12:52

No! He's not usually a selfish prick, he's normally great! But yes think I'm being punished for having morning to myself. We are taking the kids out now but I'll address it properly later when they're out of range.

I felt better after writing it down but you've all reminded me it is a shitty thing to do, thanks MN!

OP posts:
GingerLDN · 09/05/2015 12:52

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. If they were all having the same meal and not enough for you I'd agree with you but he's sorted the kids, got himself something at the same time and assumed you could get something when you're ready. YANBU but neither is he IMO.

Branleuse · 09/05/2015 12:53

?? I would just make myself something to eat. I dont see this as an issue at all, unless theres a back story?

Branleuse · 09/05/2015 12:54

i dont think that not making you pasta when you were having a lie in and busy/pre-occupied is much of a punishment.

CaptainAnkles · 09/05/2015 12:59

I would have to ask what on earth he had meant by 'opted out'.

Original poster
Tybaltly · 09/05/2015 13:00

No back story. I think it was the use of "opted out" that annoyed me more than lack of pasta!

OP posts:
TiggieBoo · 09/05/2015 13:01

I don't see the problem. It's not like he's cooked a family meal and left you out? He gave the kids something and he ate leftovers. Still, I don't get the opting out comment.

Lauramum23 · 09/05/2015 13:10

Hell yeah I'd be annoyed!
But then again my dh has cooked bacon sarnies and a few eggs and it looked like a fucking bomb had dropped in the kitchen ffs I thought why do I even ask him do to anything! So then I spent 10 mins cleaning up the shit that hed left everywhere! Sorry did I just bomb your post!?? Smile Rant over Smile

ImperialBlether · 09/05/2015 13:13

I'd just have cheese on toast and feel smug about the lie in.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 09/05/2015 13:13

If I was upstairs relaxing etc I think DH would have just assumed I would prefer to be left alone and would sort my lunch when I came down. The use of 'opted out' would piss me off though!

Gabilan · 09/05/2015 13:13

I would think normal behaviour is to shout upstairs "I'm making pasta for the kids, do you want any?" Does depend on the usual set up but maybe just talk to him and say that in future you'd like it if he checked whether you're eating or not rather than assuming you're "opting out". It sounds a bit sulky on his part (unless there's other stuff going on) which isn't a great way to communicate.

Kaekae · 09/05/2015 13:17

I wouldn't be that bothered, especially if I was having a lie in or having a shower. I would be happy he'd made the children something. If he had last nights takeaway he has hardly made himself something, heated it up perhaps but I'd be happy to just quickly do myself something.