To be annoyed DH has made lunch

[Tybaltly]

For the children and himself but not me!

Background: today I had a lie in day, DH took the children swimming and I was in the bath when they got back. I then dried my hair. When I went downstairs the children were eating pasta and DH was having last nights takeaway. When I asked if he'd made anything for me he said I'd "opted out".

I cook most meals, at weekends we usually eat the same food as a family. I am feeling really annoyed that this isn't reciprocated. But then I was having a lazy day and upstairs when they started eating?

AIBU at feeling annoyed? Because I really do!

I think I'd be a bit miffed at the comment too, but overall I think he hasn't done anything wrong, if he was eating the pasta too then I'd be a bit more pissed off but it's obviously something quick he's made for the kids.

Haven't read the whole thread but maybe he's pissed off that he was presumably out for hours and yet you were still in the bath and then faffing with your hair when he got back. Maybe he'd anticipated eating as a family but you didn't show up.

Or maybe he's huffy because he's cracked on with stuff all morning and sorted the kids, and then you expected to be waited on for lunch too. YAB a bit U

So he decided to sulk and leave her out of lunch plans?

So mature! Is this how people actually live?

Doesn't sound like he had lunch plans - he fed the kids and ate leftovers!

Reheated pasta is nasty. For some posters it seems people can never do enough.

I don't think he's a twat at all, or was being passive aggressive.

I think he just fed the children something quick & easy whilst he fancied the takeaway leftovers himself.

Most likely he didn't ask in case you wanted to share the takeaway u leftovers!

Unless he's generally selfish/passive aggressive, which it doesn't seem he is, write it off as a odd moment and think it good that you had a lie-in and he took the children to swimming. It's not worth a fall-out (pick your battles) but I might just say "next time would you ask me instead of assuming I don't want anything?"

He planned lunch for himself and the kids. Those are lunch plans.

I'm just glad I live in a house where people don't think it's a massive task to make someone a sandwich or share some leftover takeaway.

I'm glad I don't live in a house where people don't have a huff if they're not waited on hand and foot! Each to their own.

For some posters it seems people can never do enough.

Oh bore off. The OP says she does most of the cooking. It's hardly a case of Lady Bountiful expecting to be waited on had and foot.

This is a non problem.

Well Fondnant that just shows how people can interpret a post differently because as I read it he's the one having a huff.

Each to their own
What about the OP does that for day to day meals, you know the ones she cooks every single day and then let him know that it's 'normal' and he could just make himself a sarnie?

I'm pretty sure everyone would tell her she is BU and that they are a partnership and why on earth would get married/stay married if it's to ignore your partner so blantantly. Strange that....

I'm [shocked] at what peope think is 'normal' behaviour.

OP serioulsy, no it was not a nice to do and no his comment was off. But if he is normal a nice guy blabla, you have two ways to deal with it

• think it's a just a blip and he made a mistake. Forgive and move on.
• think that maybe there is more to that and have a chat with him. Not to 'tell him off' but to check with him what is going on for him and if he is happy with the way things are. Happy with th idea of you have a morning to yourself and him being with the dcs all morning on his own.

We've already done the reverse thing.

Still think it's a bizarre overreaction. Yes we are partners and if cooking something will usually ask if the other wants some. However, he had been out all morning and cooked their lunch, so maybe he was just knackered. I probably would have come down and given him 5 minutes to faff on his iPad or something, bearing in mind that he works hard all week and needs a weekend just as much as I do.

Oh and sorry, I meant always, not usually! Eg he often has bacon on a weekend and I sometimes want some and sometimes don't, but wouldn't bat an eyelid in the op's scenario.

The "reverse the genders" thing would only work in a society in which genders were treated equally. That isn't the case. Women still consistently do more of the housework than do men. See for example this article www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9962977/Fifty-years-of-feminism-but-its-still-women-doing-the-housework.html

Thus when a woman comes on here and mentions something her DH has (or hasn't) done it's against a background in which generally the woman is doing more housework than the man even when they are doing equal amounts of paid work outside the home. Knowing that, and/ or directly experiencing it, anyone commenting on here is likely to think that the man might well be doing less housework than the woman. Reversing the genders doesn't work because of the different ways in which "men's work" and "women's work" are still perceived. (Feel free to put "is reverse sexism possible" into a search engine and see what results you get).

Frankly, if you don't want to read things which are generally supportive of and understanding of women's issues, don't post on a forum called Mumsnet.

Yanbu, in my house regardless if you're there or not at the time something is made for you along with everyone. It's just selfish otherwise.

AuntyMag food gets made for you if you're not there? Doesn't a lot get thrown away/wasted?