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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of the bragging

107 replies

Summeblaze · 02/03/2015 00:12

AIBU to just wish that certain people on Facebook would just keep some things to themselves.

Actually I know IABU for thinking it and being in Facebook in the first place. I really want to come off it but I run 3 businesses from it so really can't at the moment.

My DS1 has SN. He has moderate learning difficulties and needs a 1:1 TA most of the day. He only learned to speak and understand better (and still not well at 7) when he was 5 year old and struggles on a daily basis. My DD has been diagnosed with dyslexia and has to have a lot of extra tuition.

What I don't need when I get home is to log on to my Facebook and find a braggy post about how lucky they are to have amazingly clever kids. One has been accepted into the highly gifted programme and the other has only just turned one and is knocking out sentences and picking things out of books etc.

Now it's not that I'm not pleased for her as such. I realise she is desperately proud of her dc but do we all need to know. I don't put on their that my 7 year old managed to spell his name as I may have people on my friends list who can't do that yet.

And it probably wouldn't happen in RL. Most people would have the sense not to brag about clever kids when they know their friends kids are struggling. So why on Facebook.

OP posts:

Mrsteddyruxpin · 02/03/2015 00:17

I hide the braggers posts ..Can't come off facebook but wish I could. So elf absorbed a lot of it

wartsnall · 02/03/2015 00:19

To make themselves feel better. They could be trying to stay positive whilst fighting hidden battles OR they could just enjoy the attention.
I think Facebook winds a lot of people up.

Ohfourfoxache · 02/03/2015 00:21

Yanbu at all. It's all just highly edited shite that people use to boost their own egos.

I'm sure that it if reflected reality then posts would be quite different.

FB really can be the work of the devil. There is someone I am friends with who keeps positing about her fucking pregnancy (due 2 weeks after me) and she keeps referring to her "princess" and her "angel" and how she can't wait to be a mummy

Wonderful! Fabulous! But I'm sure that the not insignificant number of people on her friends list who are struggling ttc are thrilled to hear all about it

(fwiw I've not posted anything at all in 8 months and thinking about coming off altogether)

queensansastark · 02/03/2015 00:31

But some people write braggy posts and loads of people come gushing with their comments and likes. How is that?

queensansastark · 02/03/2015 00:33

I do wonder if my photos of dd in a sporting event is pissing people off whose children are not sporty.....is it on me or on them if they are pissed off?!

HootyMcTooty · 02/03/2015 01:01

I'm sorry you have so much to contend with. Most people only put the good stuff on FB, so you get the edited highlights (except for those tedious cryptic woe-is-me type posters, you know the "had the worst day, crying" "r u ok hun?" "I'll PM you" types).

I've had a pretty shitty few months, but you wouldn't know it from FB - not that I'm braggy either just, dare I say, witty fecking hilarious (to some maybe).

You can't always know what struggles other people are experiencing, what you can be sure of is that it won't end up on FB!

Ejzuudjej · 02/03/2015 01:20

Some people tend to put every milestone on their FB - first tooth, first food, first time sleeping through the night and then every single boring certificate and assembly performance.
They never seem to post anything about themselves, only their children's achievements, and
I often wonder if they have nothing else going on in their lives, and how sad that is if it's the case.

It's boring for everyone except the grandparents.

bearleftmonkeyright · 02/03/2015 01:37

I hear you op, its just that Facebook makes people look at their lives through he prism of their own existence and that can throw your own worries into sharp relief. Its a horrid feeling. I have felt it this weekend about something on Facebook and that's why I can't sleep.

Hippee · 02/03/2015 02:49

DS1's best friend's mum is like this in real life - usually a comment from me, about some small achievement of DS's, prompts her to mention how her DS did twice as much, twice as early. I do know what you mean about Facebook though - there's usually a huge number of "the teacher thinks my child is fabulous" comments after parents evening - often they have said that to me too (good teachers look for the best in every child) - but I don't mention it because I don't want them to feel that the comments about their child are being devalued

queensansastark · 02/03/2015 03:05

YANBU Though OP.

I've decided that FB is bad for mental and emotional health. I don't get what I want or expect out of it so I will stop posting and only look occasionally to check if people try to make contact with me through FB.

I will stick with MN instead!

RainbowFlutterby · 02/03/2015 03:20

So no-one is allowed to post anything positive about their children in case they offend people whose children don't match up?

Who's doing the comparing? It's probably not them - they're just focussed on their own child. And why wouldn't they be?

nooka · 02/03/2015 03:46

OP as you use Facebook for business you might just have lots of people that you are 'friends' with that you are not in fact friends of at all. So you probably have a whole load of fairly random feeds to look at. I think that probably distorts your perceptions a bit. I only have friends/people I like, and when they post about their children I feel happy/sad because I like them and so am interested in their children. It doesn't feel braggy to me if someone posts a picture of their son starring in the school play etc, or about some nice thing their wife has done (I have a very loved up newly wed among my friends) but I could quite see that might be irritating if you don't actually care about that person.

Ejzuudjej · 02/03/2015 04:32

Never ever Rainbow .

But seriously sometimes it is relentless.

Sn00p4d · 02/03/2015 04:44

I'm currently posting daily updates about my baby (admittedly she's in nicu and has been since birth) I like to think my friends would care but my second post about her did contain a disclaimer that anyone who didn't want to see my relentless baby updates was free to delete me and I wouldn't be the slightest bit offended

You can hide certain posters from your timeline, they still see you but you don't see them, if it's from a business operating point of view I'd go with that, although to be fair the people I tend to hide are the ones constantly trying to ram forever living, scentsy, younique, herbalife, Avon and the rest of them down my throat, to each their own

chrome100 · 02/03/2015 05:18

YABU and bitter, although perhaps understandably.

People aren't bragging as such, they are taking pleasure in life.

I love seeing photos of my friends kids and holidays in FB even though I have neither. They are my friends and I want them to be happy. I enjoy seeing the good things they've been doing.

Glastokitty · 02/03/2015 05:24

I'm with chrome, you sound like you are begrudging of other people's happiness.

Altinkum · 02/03/2015 05:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EstRusMum · 02/03/2015 05:44

YABU. You can unsubscribe from their newsfeed. So you won't be seeing anything. If someone would tell me to stop sharing photos of my baby because they can't have children, I would actually tell them to FO. My wall - I can post there whatever I want.

And you'd be surprised - most people post "bragging" stuff not to belittle someone, but to share their positive emotions with their friends.

Athrawes · 02/03/2015 05:50

Post about your children's achievements.

MidniteScribbler · 02/03/2015 06:13

YABU, and taking it far too personally. No one is trying to say their child is better than anyone else's, just that they are proud of their own children. For some it may be that their child has done well on the swimming team, or the hockey field, or done well on an exam, whilst for others it may be that their child has learnt to spell their name. Just because someone else hasn't achieved that, or even will never achieve that, doesn't make their achievements less important to them, and it doesn't make your achievements less important to you.

One of my good friends has an older daughter with severe autism. Every single day is a struggle for her. But her posts about the small achievements they make get just as many likes and positive comments (if not more) as those of children making the footy team or getting a good report.

I would think that if you aren't feeling supported then it is not about what people are posting, but about the quality of the people you choose to have as friends on facebook. Or perhaps you need to look at your own behaviour and see if you are being a good friend to others.

Timetoask · 02/03/2015 06:19

Agree with you op, for this reason I closed my account. It is full of egocentrics.

MissDuke · 02/03/2015 06:24

The thing I find weird is 'happy birthday to the most beautiful, caring, kind, clever princess in the world' etc - say it to their face, not on fb where the child will be unaware of it

Op, I have also a child with SN but tbh I enjoy seeing some of the posts, I like to see what others are doing. I am so proud of my dd and others achievements don't deter from that. You are going through a hard time, but try and not lose sight of what your own children have accomplished.

ILovePud · 02/03/2015 07:03

I think the issue arises because the stuff on Facebook is out there for everyone to see. IRL you might save the stuff about how well DC is getting on at school or their fantastic gymnastics medal with equally proud grandparents. You'd probably be more mindful of this if speaking directly to another parent, particularly one whose DC were struggling academically. However Facebook means that you are not tailoring your message to each recipient and so some things probably comes across as smug.
HootyMcTooty what you described has a name it's called vaguebooking, that is one of my all time favourite things I learnt on MN.

Original poster

Summeblaze · 02/03/2015 07:03

I suppose without posting the exact status it may seem as if I'm a bit bitter. I truly don't mind, like even, the "scored 3 goals", "passed a maths test style post". I don't mind updates of a general achievement or baby updates of when they walked or talked etc. My friend posted a few months ago about her DD being accepted into the gifted and talented programme and I was pleased for her, it was news/info.

The post this week was a giant post listing the many many talents of her children, how amazing they were for their ages and how much of a brilliant job she must have done as a mother, her genes are fab type thing.

She actually declared on her post that she was bragging.

I would not got upset by someone posting that their dc had taken his frat steps at 10 months just because my DS was 18 months. I'm not barking.

Some of it probably is my own problems but I really don't want to hear that I am doing a shite job just because my children aren't academically clever.

I don't have a lot of friends on my Facebook on comparison to some and only have people I know. This friend is the wife of one of DH's good friends so not an acquaintance.

I am a good friend (or I think I am). I am supported by my family and friends but this person is more DH's friend and lives a long way from us.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 02/03/2015 07:12

I fully understand where you are coming from, OP, but I hate the feeling that I can't say anything positive about my children on here for fear of sounding "braggy". I can say stuff in FB as I only have a few friends on there and they are all genuine friends.

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