To be fed up of the bragging

[Summeblaze]

AIBU to just wish that certain people on Facebook would just keep some things to themselves.

Actually I know IABU for thinking it and being in Facebook in the first place. I really want to come off it but I run 3 businesses from it so really can't at the moment.

My DS1 has SN. He has moderate learning difficulties and needs a 1:1 TA most of the day. He only learned to speak and understand better (and still not well at 7) when he was 5 year old and struggles on a daily basis. My DD has been diagnosed with dyslexia and has to have a lot of extra tuition.

What I don't need when I get home is to log on to my Facebook and find a braggy post about how lucky they are to have amazingly clever kids. One has been accepted into the highly gifted programme and the other has only just turned one and is knocking out sentences and picking things out of books etc.

Now it's not that I'm not pleased for her as such. I realise she is desperately proud of her dc but do we all need to know. I don't put on their that my 7 year old managed to spell his name as I may have people on my friends list who can't do that yet.

And it probably wouldn't happen in RL. Most people would have the sense not to brag about clever kids when they know their friends kids are struggling. So why on Facebook.

now I may be talking rubbish here, but I find it squirmy when someone posts something about their child that you know the child would prefer hidden....I seen someone posting about the fact their child comes into their bed at night when she cant sleep and the child is 11...nothing wrong with that in a lot of eyes but the parent has umpteen other parents as friends on fb and it doesnt take a rocket scientist to work out another child will see this and tease the child about it....kids can be mean sometimes

I'm not on FB, but I can understand that thing of wanting to talk about my kids because I AM really proud of them. Mine aren't particularly sporty or specially intelligent or perfectly behaved or anything, but each of them has their special moments that make me smile/happy/proud etc.

You don't need conventional 'achievements' to have that, most parents think their DC are special for one reason or another. I'm not suggesting you start putting that sort of stuff on FB yourself, but you know that your DC are wonderful in their own ways, you know that their SN challenges are nothing to do with your parenting abilities, so try to not to take your FB friend's posts personally.

In fact, I'd suggest that dealing with SN, dyslexia etc on a daily basis needs more parenting skills so why not take every boast on FB as an opportunity to remind yourself of how well you are doing in harder circumstances? And an opportunity to remind yourself of how lovely your children are.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. People like to share the good things their children do, some people like to know a friend's child is doing well. The ones that piss me off are the those who post a weekly update of baby, pictured in the same position, telling the mundane nonsense they've learned in a week. Fair enough, your baby is doing well, I don't really want to know how they are feeding, that they now like bananas and have gone up a nappy size though!

Yabu but when I see people posting similar things on my facebook I do tend to think "nobody cares" and then unfollow their newsfeed.

People bragging about their kids put immense pressure on the kids to "perform" and "succeed" to their parent's standards so their parent can boast.
I see quite a lot of this - the kids tend to end up with a crap relationship with their parent as they can't trust them
a) not to blast it all over facebook
and
b) feeling they won't measure up to their parent's expectations

Communication between parent and child slowly dies off.

So I always feel sorry for the kids.
I don't facebook either...

I do think YA being a bit U but if reading some of these posts annoys or upsets you I would just hide the newsfeed, it's not worth the irritation.

Also if You are proud about your childs achievemnents then don't not share it if you want to for fear of offending others - I would be made-up for my friend whose Ds as SN reaching a milestone of being able to write his own name and I'd find it interesting. People can generally tell who is being a braggy competitive asshole and who is just chuffed to bits

I have actually hid both my SILs newsfeeds because I got wound up about all the 'fun days out' they were all having with the cousins and ILs which DS was never invited to - felt bad he was missing out all the time but don't think they were actually trying to rub it in, just irrationally annoyed me

I can't stand it either OP.. Like everyone here says, it's a false reality full of bragging, competition and feeling inferior. I came off it when I realised I was doing it a bit too.. not bragging but only putting positive stuff, and going somewhere and thinking about when I'd put the pics on fb.. It gets into your head! I've been off it for 3 months now and feel so much better not seeing all that rubbish and comparing my life.. as a result I'm texting people individually a lot more now and properly talking to them. I know that's not an option for you though... but this woman definitely needs hiding.

People use facebook in different ways. Personally I like hearing about others' achievements. And that's definitely hearing that my friend's 11yo said her name for the first time as much as the getting 12 A* at GCSE. I can be pleased for them.
I don't really see it as bragging. More sharing.

If it's one particular person that's annoying you, then unfollow them and you won't have to see it.

And I doubt they're thinking of you when they share either. When I share something, sometimes it's because I'm sharing with friends, sometimes I'm sharing more with family, who I don't see very much, and sometimes it's both. I don't think through my whole friends' list and wonder whether each person would want to see it before I post.

If I know it's sensitive to one then I probably wouldn't post, but it's a reasonable guess that someone on my newsfeed may well be upset occasionally by what I post, which isn't aimed at them at all, but they have something I am not aware of that means they will feel very sensitive to what I post. I expect you have probably posted stuff like that too.

YANBU,

Whenever these threads appear people always post about how people should be allowed to share good things about their children and they love to hear these things etc and yabu and its your problem blah blah blah...

However, I think people forget that this is a very new form of communication for humans. Pre-social media days, would you have started every conversation you had with the same information..no..you wouldn't, you would judge what to talk about, what to tell people by social cues, how well you knew that person, or whether what you say may upset someone due to certain circumstances. Most people (although not all) would tailor their conversation to circumstances. You may start saying something, see the look on the person's face or a shift in stance and realise that the subject is best changed. You can't do this on FB so its no wonder that people get annoyed/upset - its perfectly normal for this to happen, no reflection on you as a person - you're just human.

Most (but not all) people consider others when in conversation, so why not consider others when posting on FB. It seems perfectly reasonable that the non-stop ME ME ME, words on FB should annoy on FB as much as they would if someone did this constantly to you in real life.

my smallest boy barely speaks while other kids his age are starting to put 3 and 4 words together to make sense.

Reading the posts about the others' acheivements makes me sad but I still want my friends to celebrate their own kids' successes.

equally, the people who's kids are speaking so much better than mine are just as pleased when I say that he's learned a new word.

Friends celebrating each others' minor causes for pride is normal, isn't it?

why not consider others when posting on FB

Because with FB you have the option not to "listen". Just hide the person who you find so irritating.

My FB page is my FB page to wod with as l wish. People are perfectly entitled to de-friend or hide me if they wish.

This is why children end up with low self esteem - because adults tell them they shouldn't be proud of their achievements for fear of upsetting others. All this does is creates a nation of losers as they are too scared to try...

I think YAB a bit U, but I understand it makes you feel bad. I only post positive stuff too...... about how much DS enjoyed a party this weekend for example and adding how proud of him I am. What I am NOT saying is that this is because he is being assessed for ASD, and rarely to never plays with other kids, so to have him go to a party and join in is miraculous. The braggers and the conceited are pretty obvious, but I agree that most people are just sharing their happiness.

Does this friend make you feel bad in other ways? I defriended someone when I eventually realised that parenting WAS a competition to her when I discovered she had been gossiping about the fact DS was not potty-trained at 4.

But I agree...... your friend boasting about what a great mum she is does not mean by extension that you are crap. xxxx Although it can be hard to stomach.

I have mixed emotions about this, whilst I completely understand why you're upset I think it's incredibly sad that people can't be proud of their own and their children's achievements whether it's face-to-face or on facebook or wherever.

Why do people not understand that an individual's achievement is exactly that, the individuals achievement, it doesn't imply others are lesser than them.

I'm sure we're all evolved enough to understand that for some walking a couple of steps is a HUGE achievement and should be celebrated as such, whilst for others it's running a marathon. Life is not a competition, so why can't we all just be pleased for ourselves and each other when we've achieved something above our normal level and not have others assume it's a reflection on them?

I use FB to keep family up to date. We are in different countries. For somebody who knows me far less well, it might look like my update last summer saying "OMG OMG he got a REALLY REALLY good grade in the history exam !" was boasting.

But that's only becuase they weren't aware that the previous year he had ploughed the exam, including answering the question....

What were the names of Henry VIII's wives ?

with

Cheryl

.

Context matters.

But I'm not sure FB, or any social media, is all that wonderful at providing the bigger picture.

The thing I like about FB is you can switch people off without letting them know you are doing it.

Oh that RL came with a similar toggle

YANBU - nobody likes a show off and FB users would do well to remember that.

Although, that said, over braggy posts can be comedy gold.

I'm afraid you come across as being a bit resentful. It's perfectly possible to be happy for others and share their proud moments without taking it as a direct criticism or comparison to anything in your life. Just unfollow your friend if you think she's truly 'bragging' although i expect she is doing no such thing and is just a proud Mum sharing a happy moment with her friends.

Invisible person - yes, completely agree. Anyone who boasted about their dcs at the school gate, as people on f/b do, would get the cold shoulder. Family, yes, tho' I'd be careful about praising your dc to your or dh's siblings if they have dc, too. Feeling proud about dcs is really only something to be shared between you and the dc, not the outside world.

What worries me is that Facebook manners become the norm in rl, too. Whatever happened to modesty as a virtue, when you played down your good fortune?

Oh, op, in my experience with fb, the people with the "bragging" posts are often those who are actually drowning behind the screen.

An old friend of mine now posts regular notices of her sporting achievements, and I know why she does it ... her marriage has been falling apart in the most horrendous way. I guess she is trying to hold onto something that is actually going right in her life, something that she is doing well.

You simply never know what is going on behind closed doors.

No-one escapes the harshness of life. If someone looks like they live a gilt life, it tend to be because the shit is out of shot.

This is why children end up with low self esteem What nonsense. Young people would, IMO, be more likely not to try when they see constant evidence of other people with no humility or self-awareness harping on about their achievements on a public forum.

And when does a nation of losers ever occur? Never, though you can foster a culture of boastfulness that undermines any appreciation of real achievement. Whatever happened to modesty and self-deprecation?

I have to say that now my dc are at the end of primary school I do now seek their permission before I put anything on facebook. They are their own person and deserve privacy

Doesn't change my view from earlier tho!

YANBU, nothing worse than a smug mum clogging up a FB newsfeed. Hide her posts.

I run 3 businesses from it

Don't, then. It's a social site for socialising.

You mean Avon type stuff I suppose. It bores me when people try to flog their crap to me on FB.

Suck it up.