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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with my DPs greedy Ex?

339 replies

badhareday · 29/01/2015 08:16

Am so bloody fed up with her, and the (unnecessary) stress she's putting on DP.

Basically DPs job has changed fairly recently, his hours have been cut and he's not earning anywhere near what he was when they agreed maintenance. So he's done the calculations through the csa (know it's not called that now but can't remember the new name, sorry) and told her what he'll now be able to pay.

She's had a complete hissy fit over it and said if he pays any less that what they agreed she'll take him to court, plus trying to lay a guilt trip on him about how the DC wont have as many nice things cos she wont be able to afford them, etc. And got a solicitor to write to him and threaten court too!

Its idiotic. I really don't get her attitude, where does she expect him to get the extra money from? He's still paying several hundred a month which is more than most. And yet she's not happy.

Am I missing something or is she every bit as unreasonable as she seems to be?

OP posts:
ohdearitshappeningtome · 29/01/2015 08:17

Just don't engage with her.

Tell your dh to see her in court

Nabootique · 29/01/2015 08:18

That sounds unreasonable to me. Does she work? If he's done the calculations and he's paying what he should be then I'd say let her take him to court. At least it would be formalised then.

TrendStopper · 29/01/2015 08:19

What does she think the courts will do? If it goes to court and he can provide wage slips and proof of income wont the court calculate the maintenance appropriately like your dp has done? Id say let her go to court.

SaucyJack · 29/01/2015 08:21

Was it his choice to take a different role with a pay cut?

Maroonie · 29/01/2015 08:22

Sounds like she is panicking because her income is going to change.
But if his income has changed then there's not much she can do even if she goes to court.
Don't get into an argument, just go with the CSA guidelines and if they are missing out on things they need he can always get them things as and when he can.

Original poster
badhareday · 29/01/2015 08:23

He's trying not to talk to her about it but she keeps going on about it at handovers.

She does work, but only part time. She gets tax credits and other benefits, she says it will go to court because she won't have enough to live on, which is crap. She'll have less, but still plenty imho.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 29/01/2015 08:24

Well, she's right that his kids won't suddenly cost less just because he's earning less. I don't think that makes her greedy necessarily. What is your DP doing to find another job?

jenniuol · 29/01/2015 08:24

Let her take him to court. It won't get anywhere. If he is paying what the csa say he should be then he doesn't need to pay a penny more. It's hard for the whole family when income is reduced and unfortunately maintenance will suffer too. He can't pay money he doesn't have.

ThatBloodyWoman · 29/01/2015 08:24

I agree with others.
Keep it official.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 29/01/2015 08:25

Then he needs to be paying her what the csa suggest and be done with it!

ohdearitshappeningtome · 29/01/2015 08:25

But how can the dh pay more when physically there isn't more to give ?

PtolemysNeedle · 29/01/2015 08:26

YANBU. If she's getting hundreds a month as well as benefits and a wage she'll be fine, and if she wants what your DP simply doesn't have, then she is being greedy.

Let her keep complaining and go to court. You and your DP don't have to let it upset you.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 29/01/2015 08:26

Why why does he/should he have to find a new job hermoine ?

stitch10yearson · 29/01/2015 08:27

Maybe she doesn't trust him. I know I wouldn't trust my 'd'h if he told me his income had been cut. But then I have good reason to. Holidays abroad with his mates after he told me he couldn't pay for the kids clothes and groceries had to be scaled back etc.

Don't get involved in their relationship, coz thats exactly what this is. Keep it official.

Greenrememberedhills · 29/01/2015 08:32

How many hundreds?

expatinscotland · 29/01/2015 08:36

Go to court then.

Original poster
badhareday · 29/01/2015 08:40

It shouldn't need to go to court, she's being ridiculous in not accepting what DPs saying. He has proof from his employer, wage slips etc if she wants to see them but she's just going on about the financial inconvenience to her.

I believe the revised figure is about 350 per month, it was well over 400 previously.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 29/01/2015 08:43

I don't think it is greedy to worry when your income is cut exactly. But if that's the reality, then yes she will have to come to terms with it - or go to court and see what they say.

SaucyJack · 29/01/2015 08:52

How many children do they have together?

£350 a month isn't that much really.

pinkdelight · 29/01/2015 09:00

Wanting more than £350 a month to raise more than one kid does not sound greedy to me. Can he do something in the extra hours he now has to earn more? Get an extra job? As others have said, the DC don't suddenly cost less and whether it comes from tax credits or wages or whatever, I'll bet the mum is putting more than £350pcm towards raising the DC.

binspin · 29/01/2015 09:08

She thinks she should get the same amount even though he's getting less?
She won't get far.

OllyBJolly · 29/01/2015 09:10

Let's be clear. The CSA stipulate the minimum amount that the NRP should pay towards their children. I don't see many people insisting their employer only pays minimum wage...

Is the DP's drop in income permanent? Was it a choice? Is he looking at ways to increase it? Maintenance is a responsibility - the electricity bill and gas bill don't reduce because your income decreases.

It might help if you don't think of this as the "greedy ex-wife's" money. It's for the upbringing of his child/ren.

Original poster
badhareday · 29/01/2015 09:14

I think 350 is plenty for 2 children. It covers her mortgage. If she wants more money she could always work more hours herself, she has no childcare costs.

OP posts:
JeffVaderRunsTheDeathStar · 29/01/2015 09:15

You don't have kids for handouts. That includes maintenance. She is lucky DP is giving her anything at all. She's using the kid(s) as a weapon.

RandomNPC · 29/01/2015 09:17

He's paying what the CSA has decided he owes. He doesn't owe her any more than that.