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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother does not have bipolar disorder?

147 replies

CundtBake · 30/12/2014 11:58

My brother is early 20s and lives at home with our parents.

He doesn't work, he claims ESA (I think that's what it's called?) by saying he is depressed and basically spends it all on weed.

He is so lazy. His new tactic seems to be to convince himself that he has various mental health disorders to get him out of doing anything. Nothing has ever been diagnosed (other than depression years ago).

When he doesn't have weed he is moody and can't sleep. He's now decided he needs to be tested for bipolar disorder. AIBU in thinking he's taking the puss and he's just a lazy drug addict? I'm so fed up of him minimising mental health disorders like this. Surely if he had bipolar disorder it would be noticeable?

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 30/12/2014 12:00

How does he manage to convince medics that he has a valid esa claim? Thought they were clamping down?

Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:02

He goes to the doctor, gives them a sob story saying he feels down and things at home are bad, and they sign him off for another few weeks/a month. Is that ESA or is there another one?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/12/2014 12:03

You don't get a diagnosis really unless you actually have it so if I were you I'd just nod along until he has a confirmed diagnosis.

I'm also surprised he's managed to get ESA though I guess they haven't picked up yet that his depression is now more manageable? They will.

BrainyMess · 30/12/2014 12:04

I was diagnosed with Aspergers in my mid 40's after many years of contact with mental health services.
Your brother is in his early 20's so its possible he has a currently undiagnosed condition.
Also people do self medicate with drugs and alcohol.

So I think YABU.

NorwaySpruce · 30/12/2014 12:04

No harm in him seeking help is there?

Lots of people with undiagnosed MH issues self medicate.

He is obviously unhappy, and I doubt your attitude is helping him.

expatinscotland · 30/12/2014 12:06

ESA is really hard to claim. You can't just go to the doctor and get signed off Hmm.

Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:08

It's just so frustrating watching him do absolutely nothing with his life when he has so much potential if he would just get off his arse.

So far he has convinced himself he has ADHD, an eating disorder, and multiple personality disorder. All things we had to take mega seriously until he went to the doctors and got no diagnosis. It's wearing. I genuinely believe he does it so he doesn't have to look for a job.

OP posts:
26Point2Miles · 30/12/2014 12:09

That's what I thought

Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:09

Maybe it's not ESA then. Is there some kind of alternative? He gets doctors notes and sends them to the job centre.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 30/12/2014 12:09

agree it is not that easy - I have a friend who is really mentally ill who has problems keeping his ESA.
So maybe cut your brother some slack. You sound very dismissive of him - is there more history perhaps?

whitecandles · 30/12/2014 12:10

For years, my family just thought I was a useless misfit who needed to get a grip.

Then I was diagnosed with BPD by two different mental health professionals. This was in my mid 20s. My family refuse to accept this diagnosis: I'm not ill enough, apparently.

Your brother could be a layabout. He could also be really sick.

If you don't like him, that's one thing, but try to support him if you have any kind of relationship with him. I don't even talk to my brother any more cos he's so unsupportive.

crumblebumblebee · 30/12/2014 12:10

Whatever the diagnosis, it sounds like he's in a really bad place. It won't be boosting his self esteem to know his own family are being so hard on him.

expatinscotland · 30/12/2014 12:10

No, there is no alternative.

Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:10

He has freely admitted that he makes up stuff to the doctors. He just doesn't want the hassle of singin on normally

OP posts:
PulpsNotFiction · 30/12/2014 12:11

Sounds like he needs a bit of tough love from your parents TBH.

He needs to kick his weed habit, if he's been a user from a young age then it can seriously impact on his mental health.

You need to get your parents on board to stop enabling him or he'll still be there acting like a teen in his 40's. They should want him to grow and develop and they need to give him a kick up the backside.

Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:11

Signing not singing!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/12/2014 12:12

And no, you cannot just go to a doctor, send notes to the Job Centre and be let off the hook. That is total bullshit. It doesn't work like that and hasn't for a long time, years in fact.

SunnyBaudelaire · 30/12/2014 12:13

oh someone is talking about 'tough love' how predictable.
What, show him how he is loved by throwing him out and dismissing the possibility that he is actually ill?
hmmm.

Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:13

Of course I like my brother, I love my brother. I haven't said any of this to him yet other than telling him he has a weed problem and needs to sort it out.

If he got a diagnosis I would of course be supportive but as we've been through this with several other disorders he's decided he has forgive me but I'm sceptical.

OP posts:
Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:14

Well that's definitely what he does re. Doctors notes

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 30/12/2014 12:15

doctors do not just sign people off on request cuntbake, whatever you think.

ilovechristmas1 · 30/12/2014 12:18

for fit notes for esa he should only need to submit for 3months

was he on JSA before

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 30/12/2014 12:18

Because drug addiction isn't a serious condition? Hmm

YABU

Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:20

Well I'm not lying about the notes?! I've seen them myself. He was on JSA at some point. I'm not sure if he's even on ESA or something else.

OP posts:
Original poster
CundtBake · 30/12/2014 12:20

And where did I say that drug addiction wasn't serious?

OP posts: