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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder when my Christmas 'holiday' starts?

107 replies

underappreciated · 27/12/2014 10:05

I am a SAHM - so do all the housework. Washing, ironing, shopping, cooking as my 'job'. DS is a teen so I am not busy with childcare.

But - this holiday when Ds and DH manage to find loads of free time to loaf around doing their own thing why do I not seem to manage to find any time to relax?

I spent the week up to Christmas day cleaning the house, shopping and prepping food (DH did help with this tbf), finalising gifts etc. On Christmas day itself I was cooking for 14. That took up the whole day. I was getting most annoyed when various guests would ask " did you watch so and so on the tv this morning/last night/the day before?". Umm No. I was too busy doing jobs to actually sit down and enjoy any xmas movies or quiet time.

The final straw came when yesterday afternoon when DH had gone out to football, I was taking an hour to myself to do the footner thing. DS (17) came down to make himself a snack. I asked him if he wouldn't mind making me a cuppa. He refused - so I exploded.

Currently the first one up today.

I have made myself breakfast and commandeered the tv in the lounge. Kitchen is a mess. Dishwasher needs emptying of the clean dishes, there is a pile of dirty ones waiting to go in.

So, this isn't really an AIBU - just a vent and moan.

OP posts:
Iggly · 27/12/2014 10:06

Well you let them do nothing - give them jobs!

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2014 10:07

It was mean of your son to refuse to make you a cup of tea.

But, as your son is a teen, there can't really be much to being a SAHM now?

Most working people do all the things you do and have managed to have time to relax.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 10:08

Tbh id just announce to the pair of them "I am now officially off duty til New Years Day. If you need clothes washed or food made, you know where the stuff is. If we run out of anything, you know where the shop is" and just let them get on.

Original poster
underappreciated · 27/12/2014 10:09

I do.

DH does do things, just not in a prompt time frame. I haven't offered to make breakfast or anything - am going to wait on him.

DS grumbles and moans about it so much that is when I blow up at him.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 10:09

Agree with the poster before me too. I have a 9wo and a 3yo and I still manage to watch tv and put my feet up.

Nervo · 27/12/2014 10:09

What an ungrateful sod your ds is. He is 17. I think I'd made my Mum thousands of cups of tea by that age. And she didn't wait on us hand and foot. Jesus.

ilovesooty · 27/12/2014 10:10

Agree with Alis

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 27/12/2014 10:11

Now they fall over each other to help with any and every little task. Xmas Grin

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/12/2014 10:12

Stop doing it then!

You are making a rod for your own back here.

If he is 17, you should be a lady of leisure not a SAHM. Shurely?

EnglishGirlApproximately · 27/12/2014 10:13

I mean this kindly, but are you perhaps looking for things to do? Me and Dp both work full time in jobs with only a couple of days off at Christmas, we have a 2 year old but we've both managed to spend a bit of time relaxing.

What are you doing in the evenings that can't be done during the day? Do these jobs really need doing? Honestly, just stop doing stuff the house won't fall apart.

Original poster
underappreciated · 27/12/2014 10:13

Being the SAHM is where I am going wrong.

My SAHM job - is basically housekeeper, cleaner, organiser, planner, general facilitator. I also do a few bits of admin for DH's business.

But that means that all my 'jobs' which I do in the week are still there at weekends and holidays. Those who go out to work /school get a break. I don't.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 27/12/2014 10:14

You might have been busy in the run up to Christmas but surely you get plenty of time for yourself under normal circumstances?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 27/12/2014 10:15

Don't do it then?
You sound a bit of a martyr to me. And I can't really sympathise as I have had to do all this and work full time whilst having two young kids.
But I have watched the tv etc as I refuse to martyr myself stuff gets done when it gets done

LadyintheRadiator · 27/12/2014 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 27/12/2014 10:16

Yes and most women who go out to work have to ensure those tasks are done. I suspect if you went out to work you'd discover it isn't a walk in the park.

ilovesooty · 27/12/2014 10:17

So get a job then - and ensure those tasks are appropriately shared out at home.

Original poster
underappreciated · 27/12/2014 10:17

I like that plan Cake

No one would notice if I did that until food time. DS would happily live on toast.

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 27/12/2014 10:17

Oh please.
If we are playing the who has it worse game I'm sure you won't come off well.
You have all day to do stuff and an almost adult child. So my 'free time' I.e when not at work is spent doing what you get the chance to do in the week

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/12/2014 10:18

Sorry OP but all of thatcant possibly add up to 40 hrs a week. If it does, you are doing it wrong.

Madcatgirl · 27/12/2014 10:18

I cannot see what it is you're doing all day?

Hulababy · 27/12/2014 10:18

At 17y your ds is nearly an adult. You don't need to be clearing up after him and he needs to know that he is expected to do stuff - and that making you a drink is something he should be happy to do occasionally!

Are there more children on the house?
Why is there so much house stuff to do?

TheWitTank · 27/12/2014 10:18

If you hate being a sahm, why not get a part time job? Then hire yourself a cleaner. Bingo.
Seriously though, what are you doing with your time to be that busy at home? I work, have two children of school age, 2 dogs and a husband who works a 60 plus hour week. I do the majority of the housework and still get time to relax. And I'm a bloody fuss pot about cleanliness I admit!

Pagwatch · 27/12/2014 10:19

Don't blame being a sham. I am a sahm to an 18 year old and a 12 year old.
My 21 year old is home for Christmas and has just made me breakfast.

You have become a servant who relieved no basic respect from your teenage child.
You and your do have created this. He presumably doesn't care so the only one who wants to change things is you.
So change it or accept that this is your life and you have parented a teenager who will become a man who does fuck all and thinks basic kindness and manners don't matter.

BeyondTheTreelights · 27/12/2014 10:20

Perhaps you could make a conscious effort to only 'sahm' sort of 8-6 mon to fri? Make sure all the washing/cleaning/cooking is done then, prep everything for dinner so all you need to do is cook it (or bung it in the slow cooker!) leave the dishes til the morning, no one will die.

Everything on the weekend that can wait til monday, leave it til monday (or say, do stuff on sundays but have wednesdays off)

Its your job, treat it like one. :)

Kundry · 27/12/2014 10:21

You need to renegotiate what 'being a SAHM' means - in your house it seems to mean you never get 5 minutes off.

You and your DH should have equal leisure time - when he's home from work, chores are promptly split equally.

Or next year rein back Christmas massively and tell them clearly it's because being a slave is not enjoyable for you so this year you are having a family Pot Noodle.