To wonder when my Christmas 'holiday' starts?

[underappreciated]

I am a SAHM - so do all the housework. Washing, ironing, shopping, cooking as my 'job'. DS is a teen so I am not busy with childcare.

But - this holiday when Ds and DH manage to find loads of free time to loaf around doing their own thing why do I not seem to manage to find any time to relax?

I spent the week up to Christmas day cleaning the house, shopping and prepping food (DH did help with this tbf), finalising gifts etc. On Christmas day itself I was cooking for 14. That took up the whole day. I was getting most annoyed when various guests would ask " did you watch so and so on the tv this morning/last night/the day before?". Umm No. I was too busy doing jobs to actually sit down and enjoy any xmas movies or quiet time.

The final straw came when yesterday afternoon when DH had gone out to football, I was taking an hour to myself to do the footner thing. DS (17) came down to make himself a snack. I asked him if he wouldn't mind making me a cuppa. He refused - so I exploded.

Currently the first one up today.

I have made myself breakfast and commandeered the tv in the lounge. Kitchen is a mess. Dishwasher needs emptying of the clean dishes, there is a pile of dirty ones waiting to go in.

So, this isn't really an AIBU - just a vent and moan.

I think the people who crow on about never getting time to relax are just generally more uptight types who always have to be busying themselves rather than people who think sod it I am sitting down I am watching some tv I am going out with friends and everything else will get done later

If you have done all the housework etc during the week, then surely you can take the weekend off. Have casseroles in the freezer and other food that needs no preparation, so that you are not spending hours cooking. Those who go out to work /school get a break. But their weekends are often spent doing cleaning and shopping etc. I know mine were but still found time to go out on a Sunday. Make yourself a work timetable for the week so that you are not leaving things til the weekends.

ilovesooty I haven't always been at home. I have worked most of my adult life. Was a LP with two jobs for many years. Now I don't go out to work as I am more use being around to sort DH's business stuff out.

So I did manage to do all the jobs back then - but there was only me and a young DS to look after. I think I resent doing all the stuff now as DS is old enough and is aware that he should be doing more to share in the running of the house.

I work. Albeit it in a school so I have school holidays off. I'm home about 4.30- 5;30z

Dh works. He's home about 7pm.

12y dd goes to school.

But we still have housework to do and shopping and all the rest. We just have to fit it in.

WOTH parents still have to do housework and chores. And believe me work is not a 'break' - it might be a break from chores but work has me busy all day and I have work to do at home for it too.

I work full time, do everything you do ( including the admin for DH who is self employed) and have 2 young children - yes I'm tired a lot but I'm not a martyr and can still find time in the evenings to relax.

Hear hear Pagwatch. You and your DH need to realise that your DS is at risk of turning into a male chauvinist pig who expects any future girlfriend or wife to run round after him while he does naff all.

Just a guess (my kids are young too) but i'd guess that unlike those with three year olds in bed at 7pm, op cant 'switch off' while her child is still awake and needing things

Your 17yo does need a kick up the bum btw op, but if you only 'worked' working hours, he'd have to manage.

kundry

I am hoping for a Christmas away in the sunshine. No cooking/housework necessary.

You need to stop doing so much for your son. Really. He needs to grow up.

I agree that your son should be taking responsibility in the house.

Beyond - what things can a 17 year old possibly need that he can't sort out himself????!

A seventeen year old 'needing things' if NT is perfectly capable of getting/doing them

DH does help but not to your prompt time frame!

Your holiday starts when you decide it does

unless you get some weird sort of satisfaction out of being little more than the unpaid servant to people who can easily look after themselves ?

I have two teenagers and I do very little household mumsy stuff for them now...They do it themselves and as for running round after a grown man ?

At 17yo, your son should (at an absoloute minimum) be
*washing/drying/ironing his own clothes
*cleaning and tidying his own bedroom (inc changing the bedsheets)
*making dinner once a week (even if just a quick pasta dish with a jar sauce and some garlic bread)
*running the hoover over or doing the dishes once a week
*picking up bits from the shops if going anyways (i.e. DS, on your way home will you swing into Tescos and pick up a loaf of bread as e have run out)
*brewing up for everyone whenever he makes himself a cuppa

Bare minimum.

You remind me of Mrs Doyle in the episode where Ted wants to buy her a teasmade "Maybe I like the misery".

What's your plan when your son is 18 and you can no longer hide behind the sahm tag?

Thanks for all the replies.

IABU - I can see that. just needed a moan about it all really.

DH has actually made me a second coffee and some toast - and suggested he cooks dinner. Result.

DS is a concern. He does know that it isn't 'women's work' - and is capable of most jobs (except ironing). He is a typical teenager though, who hides out in his room, glued to internet/music/whatever. I suspect that after my outburst yesterday I may be able to talk to him today about this and he will actually listen.

Beyond a 17yo is perfectly capable of getting whate er things they need

I didnt mean she should be doing stuff for him (!!), just that atm she is in the mindset that she cant relax as he might need things

All those saying 'i still have time to relax and i have toddlers' imo werent getting it, as in their home, their child is in bed at this time :) op appears to be enabling her sons behaviour atm, which looks to me as why she cant switch off. Iyswim?

The thing is being SAHM doesn't mean you're always on duty 24/7 it means you have that time to run your life as opposed to people who also have a 40 hour week of work to fit in.

Your DS sounds like he needs a reality check and Inwould definetly be doing zero for him until he gets the message

This is really irritating. My son has profound learning difficulties but aged 18 can make his own lunch, puts his plates in the dishwasher, hoovers his room and makes his bed.
'Poor me, I'm choosing to make my son idle' is a baffling concept.
Incompetence and laziness is not a gift. It's not a 'typical teenager'

stop "talking" and start demonstrating by your actions that you are not some sort of pinny-wearing pushover only existing to serve others

I think you should have more of these "explosions" and don't back down or remotely apologise for them

In the sport of competitive misery there are no winners.

If you have Christmas way in the sunshine someone will be along to complain that your selfish desire to have a relaxing Christmas means some other bugger has to work and be away from their family, so you just can't win either way :)

Have a or mocktail, some mince pies and sit down. Choose to let your family clear up.