to want DF to accept what DD calls him?

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Two sets of GPs: Grandpa and Grandma (DH's parents), and Granny and Granda (my parents). We're spending Xmas at DB's and my parents are here.

My dad always signs cards to DD(3) as "Grandpa", and often refers to himself as that to her. I've explained a few times that that's what her grandfather in the US is called and we don't want her to be confused. But she's even corrected my dad when he's called himself Grandpa!

Today I've heard him catching himself as he said "Granda", then changed it to "Grandpa". So it doesn't just feel like a mistake, but a deliberate attempt to wind me up (which he has form for).

I know this is such a trivial thing, but it's really getting on my tits now. AIBU to expect him to respect the different names we have, or should I just ignore it and roll my eyes as usual ?

Personally I would ignore it. I think you're maybe making more of it than needs to be. There's nothing wrong with having two people called granddad anyway is there? Names and nicknames evolve over time, you may find both change again.

I think you've got it backwards, actually. It's his 'name' to be called - he should choose and he obviously wants to be called Grandpa. Did the US Grandpa get to choose his name?

YAB totally U, especially if you foisted "Granda" on him in the first place.

I agree with somesort.

Is that the norm? That the GPs get to choose what they're called? DD now knows him as "Granda" - I could try telling her that his name is different now, but that might feel a little weird for her. (We only see them 2-3 times a year.)

I am prepared to accept that I'm overreacting, as my father and I tend to annoy each other by our very existence and we mostly spend our time together avoiding each other

I had a Nanny & Grandad and another Nanny & Grandad growing up. Never any confusion who were who and they all lived in 10 minutes of us. If he waants to be Grandpa let him. I don't see the issue tbh.

"Granda" was what we called my dad's dad when he was alive, and my dad never gave any indication that he found the term unpleasant.

We have the same set up. My children call my parents Granny and Grandad but my brother's children call my dad Grandpa. This is what my children call their other Grandad. It's never been a problem, a little bit of confusion sometimes but in the grand scale of things it's nothing.

As an aside, my MIL said she didn't care what she was as long as it wasn't Nanny because she didn't want to be liken to a goat!

But but but... I can't concede a point to my DAD!

YABU. It's the grandparent's choice as to how they are known.

The dc won't be confused.

Besides, you can always call them Grandpa George and Grandpa Joe etc.

We asked the grandparents what they'd like to be called. They decided on different names but if they'd have picked the same ones, it wouldn't have mattered, we'd have used them. As it is, we tend to vary between 'Nanny' and 'Nanna' and forget who is called what anyway.

Erm, whilst I understand you don't want to double up on the same name...it is up to the grandparent to choose what they are known as, really.

Would he go for Grampy?

I am genuinely surprised that it's up to the GPs as to how they're known. I'd never understood how that works, but it seemed to make more sense to have different titles for different grandparents, so that's what we did. It's kind of academic anyway, as that's how DD knows him now.

If your DD is 3 she might come up with something of her own soon anyway.

YABU - my DC's have two Grandmas, thy are never confused.

If both grandmas are here at the same time they just add their first names - so its Grandma Manky or Grandma MankysMILname.

I let the grandparents choose what they wanted

You say "of course!", but I've never heard that, and neither had DH. How do people learn that stuff?!

It's common courtesy, surely? Or do you regularly decide how other people should be addressed?

Well, no, but most people already have a name which I accept. My dad became a grandparent when DD was born, it wasn't a prior status. So it seemed reasonable that the parents would just start talking to their child about, I don't know, nana and papa or granny and grandpa or whatever, and just stick with that. I stand corrected.

Both lots of grandparents in our family wanted to be called Granny and Grandad, and as far as I'm concerned that's their prerogative, so we've always encouraged the children to call them that. They are literally never in the same place at the same time (only have been once, at our wedding) so they're just called Granny and Grandad to their faces, and Granny Mary etc (not her real name) when we talk about them and need to distinguish which one. It wouldn't have occurred to me to tell them what they had to be called, but thinking about it some more, Granny and Grandad are the terms I would have liked anyway, so I don't know how I would have felt if they'd chosen something I didn't like ("Nanny" and "Grampy" are not really my cup of tea).

How do people not know this stuff? You don't get to choose how another adult is addressed in any situation, why would this be any different? Of course you can have preferences and suggest them, but you can't make them be called something specific.

Also, of course you can change it, DD is three. You can change their own name and they have sod all memory of their original name, let alone a slight change in a grandparents name!

Have another drink and stop stressing about daft things, even if your Dad is just winding you up.

I mean, Bob or John or Margaret have already been called that for decades before I met them, so it'd be obnoxious to start calling them Jim or Mary Sue.