to want DF to accept what DD calls him?

[BabCNesbittsSeasonalGreet]

Two sets of GPs: Grandpa and Grandma (DH's parents), and Granny and Granda (my parents). We're spending Xmas at DB's and my parents are here.

My dad always signs cards to DD(3) as "Grandpa", and often refers to himself as that to her. I've explained a few times that that's what her grandfather in the US is called and we don't want her to be confused. But she's even corrected my dad when he's called himself Grandpa!

Today I've heard him catching himself as he said "Granda", then changed it to "Grandpa". So it doesn't just feel like a mistake, but a deliberate attempt to wind me up (which he has form for).

I know this is such a trivial thing, but it's really getting on my tits now. AIBU to expect him to respect the different names we have, or should I just ignore it and roll my eyes as usual ?

YABU, grandparents should be able to choose how they wish to be addressed.

Growing up, I had two sets of nans and Grandads. It wasn't confusing at all. When talking about them, we'd refer to their surnames ie. nan and grandad Smith or nan and grandad Jones. In their company, we just called them nan and grandad.

Have to agree with everyone else - it's up to the GPs what they want to be called - generally in negotiation with the parents, but you don't "impose" a name on them.

I thought paternal grandparents were Grandma and Grandpa and maternal ones were Nanny and Grandad.

My maternal grandmother (gran) said that there was no way she was a nanny as she was neither a goat nor a paid employee :) I think I agree with her and will certainly not be called nanny or nan in the distant future when my children have children.

My DCs grandparents chose what they wished to be called, which I believe is fair.

Grandpa is American?! I didn't realise that. My dad's dad (very British - no US connections) was Grandpa and my dad is also Grandpa to my dc's. Learn something new everyday!

Back to the original point though I agree with those who say grandparents choose which names surely? Or find something that both parties are happy with?

I grew up with two grandmas and two grandpas. Never caused any confusion at all!

Both my dc's grandads call themself "grandpa". Dd1 chose to distinguish them at an early age by adding a word after grandpa. Oof the words is to do with one of his hobbie, the other is to do with something he wears. 12 years later they still use those to distinguish them, although they don't usually call them to their faces.
Actually they're so different it is unusual to have to distinguish them.

Hi, yes, I agree with others - people chose what others will call them, once adults.

We called the grandparents for our child what we had called their parents before when we were the grandchildren. But only with their approval.

I think I would just explain to your child that your father wants to be called Grandpa and it is polite to call him that. If she asks why you used Granda you could say something (if truthful) like that was a family name and I thought Grandpa would like that name but he doesn't.

My MIL was gunning for grandmama before DS was born but even her own children told her it was ridiculous, so grandma she became.

I won't mind if the grandchildren come up with their own name, but I can't see that it has anything to do with parents. OP's father should just stick with Grandpa if that is what he wants- the DD will have no trouble- some parents have very little faith in their children.

When I was pregnant with dd1 we asked both sets of parents what they wanted to be known as, I think that's the norm.

Maybe there is a reason why your dad doesn't want to be known by the same name you called his dad, he seems pretty insistent about it, if this was anyone other than your dad you would have let it go.

And don't worry about your dd getting confused, I had 4 nans and 4 granddads when I was browning up, no confusion what so ever.

You really do need to get over this and find some peace between you and your dad (unless there is a huge backstory I'm unaware of) one day you may regret this.

My grandmother wanted to be called Grandma. I called her Nana. I was 3, chose it all by myself, and insisted on using it. Everyone tried to get me to say Grandma, but it never worked.

granda- tht is not kind of name. totally silly. my children have a granny . a grandma and 2 grandpas (all there own choice). i have never heard of granda but certainly wouldnt agree to be one.

I am guessing perhaps that the OP is Scottish (from her NN). Granda is a Scottish name for a grandfather.

I had 2 lots of nana and grandads too no confusion as their surname followed nana or grandad. When we had kids my parents wanted nana and grandad and my ex granny and grandad. 2 grandads was never a problem as it was usually obvious which one we were discussing. A 3 year old can be reprogrammed to call her grandfather his name of choice. The name you have given him sounds odd he has to be called it so should get to choose

Granda is pretty normal in Ireland (and I assume in other places where fathers are routinely addressed as 'da') so it's not that the OP has personally invented an off the wall firm of address. I agree, though, that grandparents choose their grandparental titles, though subject to grandchild approval. My two year old, for instance, calls all four grandparents by their first names, despite the fact we've always called them 'Grandpa X' and 'Granny Y' to him. And in fact he uses a shortening of my father's name that no one else uses.

God help anyone who tries to insist on being 'Garnie' or 'Nana' with him about.

(Actually, I really hate variants on Nana.)

My youngest switched to calling me Mother. It never occurred to me that I owned the name Mummy or that I should tell him what to call me (as long as it wasn't farty pants or something indicative of a different relationship, like Daddy or auntie ). Older children switch from Mummy to Mum or something else at some point, and only the most petulant parent stamps their foot and insists their 15 / 20 year old offspring call them Mummy.... I actually disagree that anyone really has an overarching right to dictate what people call them...

DS has always had a Granda and a Grandad. Recently he has started calling his Granda 'Grandad' and it's confusing the life out of us

Yep we asked the grandparents what they wanted to be called. Luckily we have grandma and grandpa and a nanny. Growing up I had grandad jim and nan and grandad. No confusion.

My DCs grandparents have chosen what they want to be called.

My Mum is Granny or GranGran (daughter is nearly 2) and my Dad is Grandda or Granddad.
My DPs Mum is Nanny and his Dad is Granddad

I would elude to the same thing as when you go into school with your primary aged child and the teacher calls you Mummy, although you want to be known as Mum or Mama or vice versa. It's polite to ask if you feel comfortable with that title. Everyone has a choice of their title even when they get married.

However if someone isn't used to that custom, then they aren't used to that custom it's not a problem.

If there is already ill feeling between you and your Dad it just makes it all the more confusing.

If I were you I'd allow him to be called whatever he likes within reason but to stick to a name either way so not to confuse the children.

I hope you otherwise had a great Christmas. :)

My kids have grandma and grandad (grandad now deceased) and grandma and grumpy. Dd1 was the oldest grandchild and she decided that her grandad was better called grumpy and it has stuck.

We can always tell which grandma we are talking about even though their surnames begin with the same letter.

At work we only get to decide what people call us up to a point - I used to be a teacher and could decide to be Miss Maiden name or Mrs Married name, but would not have been allowed to ask the children to call meby my fist name, or any other title or name. It was also a ppointless losing battle to try to stop them just calling me "Miss!" however much I did or didn't like it.

We only have a limited amount of control over the names people use for us, and in most areas of life people do not, in reality, name themselves... It's a false premis to start from, even if most MNers ask grandparents what they want to be called.

In general it is rude to call people by a name they dislike. I correct people if they call me by a name they dislike and if they persisted on doing so I'd think they didn't like me much. If my kids called a relative by a name they disliked I would correct them. That includes using their first name. Kids don't get to call people what the hell they like just because they are kids