to want DF to accept what DD calls him?

[BabCNesbittsSeasonalGreet]

Two sets of GPs: Grandpa and Grandma (DH's parents), and Granny and Granda (my parents). We're spending Xmas at DB's and my parents are here.

My dad always signs cards to DD(3) as "Grandpa", and often refers to himself as that to her. I've explained a few times that that's what her grandfather in the US is called and we don't want her to be confused. But she's even corrected my dad when he's called himself Grandpa!

Today I've heard him catching himself as he said "Granda", then changed it to "Grandpa". So it doesn't just feel like a mistake, but a deliberate attempt to wind me up (which he has form for).

I know this is such a trivial thing, but it's really getting on my tits now. AIBU to expect him to respect the different names we have, or should I just ignore it and roll my eyes as usual ?

I'm going against the grain slightly here and saying where there is a good relationship between gps and ps the gps get asked what they would prefer.

If their request is unreasonable ie mama () then negotiations ensue.

If no suitable agreement is reached parents go ahead and refer to gps however they want and dc will copy them.

YABU my DD has two Grandmas and Grandads, they got to choose and I wouldn't want them to be called something they didn't like. I had two Grandmas and never got them confused don't worry I'm sure you won't either if you do the same!

It was never discussed at all in our family and was a total non-issue. My kids always had two Grandmas and two Grandads. When necessary we differentiated by using their surnames.

When my turn to be a grandparent comes then as long as I am never called "Nanny" then most others are fine by me. Same reasons a few others have given - I am neither a female goat nor a paid childcare employee.

I hate Nanny but MIL decided on it,so we went with it. The DCs shortened it to Nan.

If no suitable agreement is reached parents go ahead and refer to gps however they want

Which is exceptionally rude. In what other scenario is it acceptable to dictate what another adult is called?

Very rude!

Luckily, once they can talk, you can come to your own arrangement and cut the parent out! I shall refuse to answer to a name I don't want.

Why do you get to choose what HE wants to be called by his grandchildren? Awfully controlling

The grandparents get to choose. If they choose the same names so be it. I had two grampies and never got confused.

Do you allow the GP to call your child by a name of their choice rather than the name you chose for her?
Did you allow them to choose her name?
How about letting them decide if you are known as Mummy, Mama etc?

If not, then you cannot insist that they are known by a name of your choice.

I'm not altogether surprised you have a difficult relationship with your father. Let the poor man be known by the name he chooses because it is nothing to do with you.

While we gave our parents the choice, my DPs had DGC already, so they had already chosen their grandparent names. Therefore my DPIL had to choose from what was left, though this didn't seem to be a problem.

If you still think it might be a deliberate attempt to wind you up and he's reallyhappy with granda, let him choose. That is no conceding the point, it's being magnaminous!

i think grandparent gets to choose, but parents do get a veto if they really can't work with it. I think 2 x Grandpa is fine, but if you can't bear it ask him to choose something else, without imposing Granda on him.

I wonder how the people who decided what the grandparents should be called would have reacted if another adult had decided what their names should be upon their marriage.

Family and friends get roundly slated failing to acknowledge that the woman has decided to be Ms X rather than Mrs Y. This is no different.

I disagree with those saying the GPs get to choose. Any grandmother who decided she wanted to get called 'mama' would get very short shrift from me.

*As an aside, my MIL said she didn't care what she was as long as it wasn't Nanny because she didn't want to be liken to a goat!

This sort of comment doesn't piss me off at all...

Much.

Greythorne

I think most are about being able to choose, within reason

Yup, Greythorne that's exactly what my mum did (well, it was 'Mum' in another language). Hence my view that parents get a veto.

but that doesn't mean OP gets to impose Granda on her dad if he doesn't like it.

I think the GPs should choose, so long as it's not a swear word or Mum/Dad or something. I think it's really rude to make someone be called something else, when what they want is totally ordinary i.e. 'Grandpa'

If I have dgcs one day there is no way I will be a Nana or a Nanny. I would like to be the name for Grandma from my culture and I'd be pretty shocked if someone else (my dcs) decided that I wasn't suitable ethnic to use it and the dgcs would be confused, as suggested up thread.

My DC chose what to call their DGPs. I've no idea what the norm is.

We asked both sets of gps and it so happens that both chose granny and Grandpa. We have added the first names on to distinguish between them when talking about them.

There was a while when dd called my dad papa which was a total coincidence as this is secretly what I preferred for him. I chose to correct her though as he showed a preference for another name.

I do think it is rather nice when choslren kind of develop their own names through pronunciation.

At least it's not 'Donk'...#downton

Theboodythatrocked "Hell will freeze over before I am nanny to anyone. My lads or my girls brats."

Brats?

Bathsheba - what did you call your DPs/DPIL before your DC could speak?