to want DF to accept what DD calls him?

[BabCNesbittsSeasonalGreet]

Two sets of GPs: Grandpa and Grandma (DH's parents), and Granny and Granda (my parents). We're spending Xmas at DB's and my parents are here.

My dad always signs cards to DD(3) as "Grandpa", and often refers to himself as that to her. I've explained a few times that that's what her grandfather in the US is called and we don't want her to be confused. But she's even corrected my dad when he's called himself Grandpa!

Today I've heard him catching himself as he said "Granda", then changed it to "Grandpa". So it doesn't just feel like a mistake, but a deliberate attempt to wind me up (which he has form for).

I know this is such a trivial thing, but it's really getting on my tits now. AIBU to expect him to respect the different names we have, or should I just ignore it and roll my eyes as usual ?

if i ever called my grandad "grandpa" or "granda" he'd either be really upset as it makes him seem older than he actually is, or think i'm being babyish.
Same with nana/nanny. My grandma thinks its babyish and doesnt wanna be called that.
I have two sets of grandparents, grandmas and grandads
then my great grandmas and grandads

My mom wanted to be gram, but when dd1 could speak she decided she was something else. My mom just accepted it and it stuck. My dds have six gps and they are all called something different.

My ILs already had DGC when mine were born so insisted on being Nanny and Grandad. I wasn't pleased because I can't bear Nanny and my dad was Grandad, but I had to suck it up.

If my DIL tries to call me Nanny or Granny we will have Words.

"I could try telling her that his name is different now, but that might feel a little weird for her."

lol. Seriously? She'll manage.

The only way I'd veto a grandparent's name was if they chose something silly like ninnynonnynannynoo as has happened on mumsnet threads. I would veto that by telling them it would seem silly as the child ages and I couldn't say it without smirking. None of my relatives are bampots though so names were never an issue

If I was a grandparent (or if/when I become one) I hope I'll accept any name, unless it's something really rude! I gave my own grandpa a nonsensical nickname when I was tiny, which we all used for years and he was lovely about it. I'd love that too!

My mum is smug as hell that she gets to be "Granny" while the DC other grandma is "Nana". This only happened because other grandma hated her own "granny" and asked not to have that name, which I am fine with. But my mum thinks it means she is the no. 1 grandma This means more to her than her actual grandkids do! She barely knows them.

So YANBU and your dad is being self-centred.

I can't recall asking our parents when we had our first but it was definitely put out there that my MIL didn't want to be Granny or Grandma so chose Nanny. My mum can't stand nanny so wanted to be Grandma or Granny. Both grandads are grandad, just with their name attached if needs be.
Growing up, my grandparents were both Grandma and Grandad, with names attached. It's not in the least bit confusing.
Let your dad be Grandpa if he wants to be, OP, it really matters very little.

I've never thought about this before, so I sympathise with the OP who hadn't either! (And I also know how the rubbing one another up the wrong way relationship feels, however petty it can sound.)

It's never been an issue. My kids only have one set of grandparents, and weren't the first grandkids, so the names were there already. Also, I suppose thinking about it, there is a strong regional name they use for my MiL and I know she would refuse to be known as anything else, but it wouldn't have occurred to her children to use anything else. The fact that the OP chose what her own grandfather was known as is understandable, isn't it? My daughter briefly had two granddads but was preverbal when my Dad died.

Actually, now I think about it, my mother may have pissed off her MiL as all my cousins called her Nan and she insisted we used Grandma! Being snobbish I think.

Both my sets of grandparents were known as Nanny and Grandad. Wenever got confused. If we were talking about them (rather than to them) we'd sometimes use their surnames to differentiate but that was it.

My mum was Nanna to my nieces and nephews- and that was what she wanted to be known as.

Coming in very late here but I'd start referring to your Dad as "Grumpy Grandpa" and FIL as "Grandpa abroad"

Three of my children have 6 granddads, all known as granddad. That include steps and one step great granddad.

They all like being called granddad so that is what they get called. It's easy enough to stick their first name after when I did to differentiate which one I am talking about.