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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have written these people a snotagram?

123 replies

rosegarden23 · 21/11/2014 13:54

I have recently passed the former house of a friend who passed away seven years ago. This friend was retired and loved her garden. The young couple that bought it have let it go to wrack and ruin. Its a corner plot with a lot of hedge which clearly hasn't been cut in the last couple of months, the lawn needs a good mow and the roses have been left to their own devices. I am so upset that the garden is in this state that I have written an anonymous note letting them know how disgusted I am and posted it to them. I told a mutual friend that I had done this and they think I have overreacted. What do you think?

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 21/11/2014 13:58

Massive over-reaction I'm afraid. Hopefully the people who haven't kept the garden up to your standards will simply laugh at this bonkers intrusion. Also, anonymous notes are cowardly. There's no reason why you shouldn't be upset at seeing a lovely garden being neglected (not that it is your business) but at least have the decency to put your name onto your complaint.

NoisyLittleToads · 21/11/2014 13:59

I think you're bonkers tbh.

SaucyJack · 21/11/2014 14:00

It's their garden now, so yeah YABU.

They can shit on the lawn for all it has to do with you.

Sorry about your friend tho.

123Jump · 21/11/2014 14:00

Holy shit OP!! You aren't sure if you overreacted? Confused
YABU. Very,very unreasonable. I genuinely cannot believe you would do this.
They own the house and can do what they like to it.
I hate an unkempt garden too, but never in a million years would I even think about what you have done.
You know they never met your friend, don't you? I'm sorry that it makes you sad but get a fecking grip!

SmallBee · 21/11/2014 14:02

I think it's a bit much. Not everyone cares about gardens. I have very bad hayfever so I'm not remotely interested in gardening & I'm sure mine isn't perfect.

Tykeisagirl · 21/11/2014 14:02

YABU. It's none of your business how the new owners keep their garden. You might not like it, and I understand that seeing something your late friend put a lot of work into go to seed would make you feel at the very least a bit sad, but the people who live there now are under no obligation to keep it the way it was.

Eeeeekyeeek · 21/11/2014 14:02

What a vile thing to do. I hope that they can laugh it off and aren't too upset by receiving such a nasty note.

If you're that bothered, you should have knocked the door and offered them some help with their garden.

It's almost December. Gardens aren't going to look their best. YABVU.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 21/11/2014 14:03

I can understand you being upset on behalf of your dear friend, Rose, but you have been unreasonable. That garden now belongs to someone else; how they see fit to look after it (or not) is their concern, not yours.

And a note, either anonymous or signed, is not helpful to anyone.

Your friend enjoyed her garden whilst she lived in her house. She doesn't anymore (sadly). But it is no concern of yours.

LookingThroughTheFog · 21/11/2014 14:03

Oh good Lord. I currently work two jobs. My husband works full time. We're raising two children, one of whom has special needs. Our garden is a state and we have neither time or money to sort it. It's kept to a dull roar at best.

If I'd received such a note I'd be pretty disgusted by the sender.

Boysandme · 21/11/2014 14:04

YABU in fact YAB ridiculous. It's their garden now and they can do or not do whatever they want with it. What business is it of yours?!?'

I think you are bonkers.

Gawjushun · 21/11/2014 14:04

YABU. I know plenty of people who aren't into gardening, including myself, but still deserve to enjoy their home the way they see fit. These poor people will now be wondering who the anonymous neighbour is they've upset. They may have busy lives or be physically unable to do their own gardening which would make your note pretty upsetting.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend, but their legacy is not their garden, it's the happy memories you have of them.

Shakirasma · 21/11/2014 14:04

I would be furious if anyone posted an anonymous note critisizing MY garden.

YABVU, you have not idea what these peoples priorities in life are, spending time in THEIR garden is up to them.

Sprink · 21/11/2014 14:04

SEVEN years, and NOW you send a letter? Wow. Talk about dormant hostility...

CrohnicallyAnxious · 21/11/2014 14:04

I just hope that the couple haven't got anything difficult going in their lives at the moment.

I mean, I am suffering with anxiety and depression, my Crohn's and other health problems are playing up, and I'm trying to support other family members too. So as you can imagine, I'm a little stressed and struggling to cope. If I received an anonymous note about the state of the garden it could well push me over the edge.

littlesupersparks · 21/11/2014 14:04

YAB extremely U!!! It's their house!

My garden's a mess. I have two small children and pregnant with twins lol I will save my gardening for a good few years in the future thanks!

Inselaffe · 21/11/2014 14:05

YABU and very a bit bonkers to boot.

I understand how upset you are - we had a similar situation with my DGM and the people who bought her bungalow. They destroyed a garden she had spent the best part of forty years cultivating, including fruit trees, grapes, flowers... a total paradise. But it was theirs and they could do what they liked with it.

The biggest U thing you have done is not sign the note - anonymous notes are pretty vile and harassing. At best they will laugh it off, at worst they will think their neighbours are spying on them.

Boysandme · 21/11/2014 14:06

Have just realised that the friend passed away SEVEN YEARS AGO!!!!

You are even more bonkers than I originally thought.

Eeeeekyeeek · 21/11/2014 14:06

They'll probably think it's a neighbour who has sent the note as well - which is going to make them paranoid and cause trouble.

I don't think you thought this through at all. Ridiculous.

APocketfulOfSpondulix · 21/11/2014 14:06

You are completely and utterly overreacting.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/11/2014 14:06

YABVVVU and interferring.

miaowmix · 21/11/2014 14:07

7 years? Yeah right.
I think you're cracked, pretty much.
And a 'snotagram'? What even IS that?

MokunMokun · 21/11/2014 14:07

I think that's an awful thing to do. Maybe they have bigger things on their plate right now. They might be ill, death in the family, heavily pregnant, really so many different possibilities.

Floggingmolly · 21/11/2014 14:07

Neglecting previous owners hard work in the garden is the only reason my pampas grass died off. Always look for the silver lining...

HellKitty · 21/11/2014 14:09

I think you sound vile.
I hope to God that they don't get paranoid or scared to step out of their front door due to your snidey passive aggressive bullying. Get a hobby.

eurochick · 21/11/2014 14:09

It is their house now. It has been seven years. They could have flattened the entire plot and started again if they wanted to. An anonymous note is a really nasty thing to do. You sound like you have ishoooos.