To have written these people a snotagram?

[rosegarden23]

I have recently passed the former house of a friend who passed away seven years ago. This friend was retired and loved her garden. The young couple that bought it have let it go to wrack and ruin. Its a corner plot with a lot of hedge which clearly hasn't been cut in the last couple of months, the lawn needs a good mow and the roses have been left to their own devices. I am so upset that the garden is in this state that I have written an anonymous note letting them know how disgusted I am and posted it to them. I told a mutual friend that I had done this and they think I have overreacted. What do you think?

You do know they are going to assume it's their neighbours don't you?

I think you've behaved really badly OP.

Writing an anonymous note to be petty and nasty is disgusting behaviour in itself.

Those people are doing you no harm, you know nothing about them and you have no idea if they have let the garden go through lack of ability, lack of finances, poor health or any number of other reasons.

Your friend was retired and had the time, money and ability to take care of the garden as she saw fit, but this is a young couple who might not be in the same position and should not have to be. It's their garden, not yours and not your friends anymore.

All you've done with your anonymous note is make someone else's day that little bit worse, just for the sake of being cruel. And perhaps not just their day, receiving an nasty, anonymous note will play on their minds for a long time, make them wonder who it was and suspect others around them.

If you make a habit of this it could come back to haunt you too, they could make a complaint about malicious communications. You might want to get some sort of professional help if you feel this is an acceptable way to treat people.

We have a pampas grass. It always makes me smile and think of MN.

This is pretty lame, even for a Friday.

YABU for thinkig you have any say over what they do with their own garden.

YABU for sending a shitty anonymous letter.

Butt out or at least have the balls to own up to your opinions.

Hang on, this is a reverse. Right?

Okay, I notice you recently passed the house. From this I infer you don't live near there and hadn't seen the house for a while, nor the decline of the garden. Clearly this shocked you and brought up very sad memories of your dear friend. Got it.

Now here's what you do: write another note apologising for the first note and mentioning that your reaction was due to still grieving the loss of your friend. Apologise for intruding in their business, and let that be the end of it.

YABVU and very nasty.

I'm sure it was upsetting but the garden was your friends passion, not the couple's.

If she had doted on her car and kept it spotless but they had an old banger in need of a wash would you have penned such an unpleasant letter?

Grief can make you do the wacky but 7 years later is just odd.

There could be a whole raft of reasons why the garden is not their priority and quite frankly, even if it is just because they hate gardening and can't be bothered, it is none of your business.

I hope they get a good giggle from your letter rather than it upsetting anyone.

Reverse has just occurred to me too. Has to be. Surely?

I still don't get the point of a 'reverse'.

Reverse nonsense more like

Got to be a reverse as noone in their right minds would think this is reasonable behaviour.

Yabu, it's a garden that means nothing to the new owners. They're under no obligation to keep the garden how your friend did. They didn't know her, and even if they did, they aren't disrespecting your friend's memory, which is how it seems you've taken it. They probably, like many of us, don't care for or have time for gardens.

As adults, they're likely to have experience of death and grief themselves. Everyone deals with death in their own way. I think you need a new outlet for your grief over your friend- you can't keep her memory alive via her old garden. There might be something more appropriate you can do though? And perhaps you would benefit from counselling to deal with your loss?

I thought too that this was an over-reaction but powered by your loss. BUT it was 7 years ago.

I think you need to ask yourself why this has evoked such a strong response - do you care a lot about what other people think about you too?

The only thing that makes me think Reverse is that the OP hasn't shown up again. Sigh.

And I don't suppose mowing the lawn would be such a bad thing, but it's just no one's business.

What is the point of a reverse??? This is an anonymous forum; whether you present a problem in your own "name" or pretend to be the victim nobody knows who you are

If this isn't a reverse OP, please send me your address and I'll happily mail you the grip that you desperately need.

do me a favour. I'm sorry your friend passed away but what obligation do these people have to keep their garden to a standard some stranger thinks they ought to because they happened to know the person who died nearly a decade ago liked that garden done a certain way.

Next you'll be expecting some sort of shrine or plaque or something.

Really, sorry your friend died, honestly I am, but leave these people alone. They have the right to do whatever the hell they like (within the law) to their property.

That's a bit crazy, doing that. It's their home, it's up to them what they do with both the house and the garden. It's nothing to do with you!

If I received that note I'd be completely "WTAF?" about it and then forget about it. Plus you have NO idea what could have led to the garden neglect, could have been illness, disability, depression, anything - not just "laziness".

I'm appalled at your behaviour, tbh.

Jesus if you really did that then you are a complete idiot.

I'd think you were unhinged and back away slowly until I could make a run for it.

Hi sorry have been out, yes it is a reverse mostly because the letter has really upset me and I couldn't word it without being horrible about the person who wrote the letter, clearly they were very fond of their friend and I have some sympathy with that as other posters have .

But I'm just struggling with why anyone would feel the need to write an anonymous letter and then post it? I allready feel bad about the state of the garden but with a two year old, me being seven months into a fairly difficult pregnancy and my DH works full time the garden just isn't a priority. And I was feeling proud of myself for doing some weeding the other day while 2yo played. Think it may be time for a gardener.

You are clearly several tools short of the full garden shed complement.

How dare you, really?! It's their house. Their garden. Absolutely nothing to do with you.

Suspect this is ridiculous too, but since you've touched a nerve... I bought my house from a retired lady who absolutely adored her garden and spent hours every day in it. Sadly, she didn't care so much for DIY or basic maintenance on the inside of the house, so it's taken me nearly two years and thousands of pounds to catch up with decades of benign neglect. That, and my full time job, doesn't leave me much time for gardening, sadly.

Maybe when I'm retired, and my full time job can be gardening, I might be able to get it back to her standard. When I thanked the previous owner for planting flowers that bloomed without much help from me, she was gracious enough to tell me that 'at my age' I should have better things to do than weeding of a weekend...