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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have written these people a snotagram?

123 replies

rosegarden23 · 21/11/2014 13:54

I have recently passed the former house of a friend who passed away seven years ago. This friend was retired and loved her garden. The young couple that bought it have let it go to wrack and ruin. Its a corner plot with a lot of hedge which clearly hasn't been cut in the last couple of months, the lawn needs a good mow and the roses have been left to their own devices. I am so upset that the garden is in this state that I have written an anonymous note letting them know how disgusted I am and posted it to them. I told a mutual friend that I had done this and they think I have overreacted. What do you think?

OP posts:

Castlemilk · 21/11/2014 14:25

Aha!!

Ignore the loon OP. I'm sure the passed-away friend would be thoroughly ashamed of letter-writer and be telling you to prioritise your child and your pregnancy, as you are doing, and as any normal person would!

Sprink · 21/11/2014 14:25

Even if it is "laziness" that is responsible for the decline of the garden, so what? It's their home. How dare you just pass by and leave a cowardly, anonymous message saying you don't like it--what gives you that right?

Honestly, it's akin to passing someone in the street and shouting "Your nose is too big" or "your shoes are pathetic" at them.

It's shit like this that makes the world a worse place. So petty, entirely unnecessary, and spreading ill will.

Vitalstatistix · 21/11/2014 14:25

Chuck the note in the bin and forget about it.

It is your garden. Do what you are able to do and what you want to do.

It is very sad for this stranger that their friend died, but you have bog all obligation to maintain your garden as some sort of tribute to them.

Allstoppedup · 21/11/2014 14:27

rose hate reverses but that sucks. Hopefully the overwhelming response that the letter writer is a twat and clearly a bit unhinged makes you feel better!

Don't feel guilty it sounds like you have enough on your plate! Congratulations von your pregnancy- perfect excuse not to garden don't you know

Cheer up and laugh at the sheer madness of it!- flowers seem mildly inappropriate actually!!

Sprink · 21/11/2014 14:28

Aw man, I was just hitting my stride…

Shake it off, OP, it really isn't worth it. Oh, and mow your lawn.

MokunMokun · 21/11/2014 14:29

Bin the note and never ever do a reverse thread again

Thumbwitch · 21/11/2014 14:32

Well I hope that you feel a bit better now that you know that pretty much everyone agrees that the note-sender has some, um, issues loss of grip mainly, so yes, burn the note ceremonially, book a gardener to help out with the garden if it's too much for you and then forget about it. :)

snufflebum · 21/11/2014 14:32

I understand how tough it can be to see new owners make changes to what used to be a friend's home. I was furious with the people who moved into my friends old house and changed the garden. Thing is, I was 5.

You are being very very unreasonable. To deliver an anonymous note telling someone their home is disgusting, is in itself, a pretty disgusting thing to do. Have you seen the film Hot Fuzz?

LoisHatesChristmas · 21/11/2014 14:33

Op that was a horrible thing to do! My garden isn't great either and I would be devastated if someone did that to me too. If you have young kids to look after they come first.

vulgarwretch · 21/11/2014 14:33

You could write a rude response on your lawn in weed killer OP?

Offler · 21/11/2014 14:34

I can remember massacring my front garden when I was a week overdue with my first! I was trying to get things started. People kept looking at me like I was a crazy person until I snarled 'I'm overdue!!!'.

But I digress, it was my first, I had no problems and all the time in the world (ah, those were the days...)

Your anonymous letter writer's rod up it's arse has got a rod up it's arse, that's how bang out of order it is!!!

Original poster

rosegarden23 · 21/11/2014 14:34

Ah thankyou, though I might have been overeacting due to hormones. It was mostly that they went to the trouble of getting a stamp and posting the letter but didn't sign their name? I am starting to see the funny side now the shock has worn off.

OP posts:

andsmileitschristmas · 21/11/2014 14:36

Aha! OP dont you dare start making excuses - its your garden you dont have to justify it to anyone.

Just thinking years ago when people got the a council house in certain areas they were told to keep up certain appearances of their frontage inc windows, steps and gardens. They would be checked on and anything noted. This is from a bygone era a bit...I wonder if the person must be still living in those times in their mind.

Dont let anyone else hold the pen of your life story - i.e. dont feel pressued into getting a gardener. That person must be so judgey and a Mrs Mangle type their opinion should just not matter to you.

if on the other hand your frontage looks like step toes front yard and you have rats or scarey dogs, stinking rubbish then YWBU in those circumstances.

I let my garden go a littel when pregnant and DD came along, I got a gardener to keep it in check but it's no much to look at really not planted up all nice etc!

formerbabe · 21/11/2014 14:37

I never do any gardening...its a state. I don't know how to do it, and I also couldn't when my children were younger... I was too busy and I don't know where I would put a baby and a toddler while I did the gardening?! Letter writer sounds loopy!

culturemulcher · 21/11/2014 14:37

If it's unsigned, then it is actually a poison pen letter and the right thing to do, just in case it should escalate (and I do hope it doesn't), is to pop into your local police station and mention it.

They don't need to do anything about it at all, but it's been recorded by them, just in case.

snufflebum · 21/11/2014 14:38

Holy moly, massive x post! Well Op, my advice is after you've wiped your bum with it thrown the letter out, watch Hot Fuzz, and laugh about the monumental twunt that sent it

Tinkerball · 21/11/2014 14:38

YABU simply for doing a reverse thread - it's completely pointless and will now be filled up with people who have only read your OP and people telling them it's a reverse!

Original poster

rosegarden23 · 21/11/2014 14:38

Its just untidy! definitely not full of rubbish

OP posts:

redstrawberrypie · 21/11/2014 14:39

But the note in the bin and forget about it.

I once woke up to a note (6 A4 pages long) through my door about my garden, the note informed me that they had taken it upon themselves to weed killer my grass and chop/dig up chunks of grass. Just because it wasn't to their standard.

I reported the note and damage to my garden to the police who told the sender that if they touched my garden again or sent me any further notes they would be charged with criminal damage / harassment.

Some people just can't help themselves

Allstoppedup · 21/11/2014 14:40

OP, is there anyway you could hire a skilled topiary artist to create a fetching one fingered gesture out of your hedge? Really get them frothing!

Itsfab · 21/11/2014 14:42

I get that you are upset. I am sad what someone has done to a relative's home and garden but it is theirs now and they can do what they want.

You are completely out of order to do this and rather cowardly. For all you know they could have been going through a really tough time and your letter just tips them over the edge.

Original poster

rosegarden23 · 21/11/2014 14:43

wow redstrawberry your experience really puts mine into perspective! Think I will just carry on as if no note hadn't been received and get DH on the hedge at the weekend.

OP posts:

socially · 21/11/2014 14:43

holy cow, you're a nutter!

Overreaction I'm afraid :)

Original poster

rosegarden23 · 21/11/2014 14:43

had

OP posts:

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 21/11/2014 14:44

Agree with others OP bin the letter.

My front garden is undesirable burglar deterrent as looks like nothing worth robbing in that house am sure the lady next door who is always attending to her garden shudders every time she comes out her front door but that's because I've focus on the inside 1st and doing back garden up.

I know my plan is working as I always get the surprised faces along with the oh its nice in here from vistors

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