To not want my Grandchild to hunt?

[salsmum]

I am very much into animal rescue and hate to see cruelty against humans AND animals. DIL is pregnant with my 1st Grandchild which I'm obviously very excited about, I texted her today to ask how she was and how DS and 'bump' are and she said she was fine...etc.. and then excited tells me that her Nephew aged just a month into his 8th year is going out on his first hunt . Her family are country people and my DS will be moving to the country once GC comes along. I really hate the thought of any child going hunting especially my GC because I think it's not something a child should see nor be encouraged to take part in. My DIL knows my feelings on animal cruelty and feel upset that she should mention 'the hunt' to me (in an excited-so proud of DN way).

I don't know, but you have about 8 years to come to terms with it, because it's her child, so her choice.

Well, I too am against animal cruelty, but that's not what hunting is. It's good for the environment and it's good for the animals to thin them out a little.

But you might want to at least find a middle ground so that you don't shut down your grand child when he comes to you beaming about how he got a deer. Are you a vegetarian? Can you perhaps partake in some of the meat and tell him how great it tastes instead of focusing on the fact he shot an animal?

Assuming that you are in the UK - where's the animal cruelty? Hunts are drag hunts after the ban so no foxes will be harmed. It's simply a day out with hounds following a pre laid trail so where is the problem?

Make your disapproval clear by all means but her child, her choice.

I'm totally opposed to 'the unspeakable pursuing the uneatable'.

All kinds of wrong.

However, it's your DS & DIL's call, ultimately.

Your role is to be in the background, making it quite clear that you disapprove & explaining why, when your GC asks. Ultimately, they'll make their own decision, although it's to be hoped that by then it'll be the sort of decision one might make about taking up cockfighting or bearbaiting!

Make your disapproval clear by all means

I wouldn't recommend this.

Kind regards,
A Daughter in Law

'The hunt' in the UK is fox hunting, with hounds - except it isn't, since hunting of wild animals with dogs was made illegal about ten years ago (though actually foxes are still frequently caught 'incidentally' in the many 'fake hunts' that persist).

Soo, you can play it straight but a bit ingenuously and say 'oh, horse riding, lovely, of course there is no actual fox hunting these days is there, so nothing unpleasant for me to worry about there!'

Presumably your DS knows how you feel and will exert some sensitivity?

IF there are no animals involved as you say umbongoumbongo then please forgive my ignorance I assumed there was. I will respect their decision as parents but cannot agree with it..i will not love my 1st GC any less because of it but would also not actively encourage it either.

I'd also be tempted to gift the child a lovely hardbacked edition of 'Black Beauty' - the full version where his half-brother gets killed during a hunt in the first chapter.

Yes, most hunting in the UK is drag hunting (ex-fox hunts). But there are also different kinds of hunts (where there's also horses, hounds etc) like bloodhound hunting. Bloodhounds follow a human scent from a runner and always have done so no animal cruelty worries there as far as I know (have an aunt who worked in a kennels for this kind of hunt). Could you suggest this maybe? Drag hunts do sometimes still catch foxes whether by accident (must be tricky training dogs which were bred to hunt foxes not to do that) or on purpose (pretending it's an accident to defy the law).

Maybe look up how hunting works since the hunting with dogs act was passed. Then you'll have an idea of what does and doesn't go on.

I'm a bit surprised that someone very into animal rescue wouldn't have been aware of the passage of that act and all the loud and long campaigning that preceded and accompanied it. The result hasn't been simple or especially effective though, so worth doing a bit of reading.

I think that this is simply not a battle worth having at this point in time. The baby hasn't arrived, your DS and his family haven't moved to the country yet, nobody knows if the child will enjoy riding or even want to hunt. Just let it go for the time being - there is no need for you to make an issue of it right now.

Your DS and his DW will be making lots of choices about how they raise their child. I am sure that you will have reservations about a significant minority of their choices. Of course their choices will not affect your love for your GC. Nor will they be asking you to actively encourage or endorse their decisions. It is possible to accept their decisions without agreeing with them. IME grandparents and children can fall out over everything from feeding babies, cuddling babies, sleep routines, weaning, sweets, treats, TV, clothes, presents, returning to work...the list goes on (and on). Arguing about hunting can wait until after you've all got through babyhood/toddlerdom/starting school.

OP, are you expressing unease about another part of what you say? the move to the country - will this be away from you? do you feel you have the role in your son's life that you would like to?

YANBU in not wanting your unborn grandchild to do something with which you disapprove.

You would be hugely unreasonable if you ever made your feelings on the subject known to your DiL, son or grandchild when they are old enough to understand.

Personally I think you're being unreasonable (and daft) to disapprove of an activity involving horse riding through the countryside and getting fresh air and exercise with no cruelty to animals involved unless the horses are very badly ridden. Foxes haven't been hunted by dogs for years.

Get used - now - to your DiL and son raising their child according to their own standards, ideas, values in life and not yours.

I completely agree with HicDraconis.

Are fox the only things people hunt there? Do they eat the fox? What about deer, wild turkey, wild boar, pheasant, do you hunt any of those?

Yeah, X post Steff.

Can it really be called a hunt if no animal is actually being, you know... hunted?

Here (usa) the deer population needs to be culled or they get out of hand, diseases spread or they starve and die that way. They also ravage vegetation if left to their own devices but that's another story. It's done for food though, and really the animals don't die much differently than the cow you're eating in your cheeseburger.

You are a typical townie with no idea about this issue. Did you seriously not know hunting foxes had been banned? Really?

Well I am not a townie and can say quite categorically that hunting foxes is alive and kicking round here... The fox not so much Driving while using a mobile phone has been banned too, but I also see plenty of that going on.

I think you're right to be concerned about this, but you'll need to tread carefully if you don't want to alienate yourself from your DIL and her family.

My dp is involved in 'hunts' and shoots. He has asked if dd (4, not his) can go with him when the time comes. It's not my cup of tea at all, don't like the idea at all, however if she shows interest when she is older and truly understands what she will be seeing then I'll allow him to take her. Better to see as many aspects of life as possible
Yabu

Monstamio - absolutely.

Salsmum - YANBU to not want grandchild to go but you shouldn't say anything. Just get ready for a world of biting your lip and get good at changing the subject.

Bulbasaur and steff I think there is some transatlantic terminology confusion here.

In the UK, I think "hunting" means exclusively fox hunting on horseback which is done purely for sport because foxes are not eaten; the foxes are killed by the hounds. The dogs killing the foxes is illegal now so hunting is drag hunting, where the hounds follow a scent but no animals are killed (supposedly).

What we in the US call "hunting" (as in bird hunt or deer hunt) is what I believe the British call "shooting" or "stalking," in the case of deer.

Yanbu at all.
Does the child get a say? Most children would be bitterly opposed to killing a living creature and would have to be coaxed into it. Dreadful.

You don't have to like it.

However it isn't your decision so there isn't much you can do about Iit.

My dd comes out on the hunt with us.
We go beating with our gundog
We flush out pheasants.
These have been bred especially for this reason.
About 500 are released and about 300 are shot over the season.
Not all hunting is "fox" hunting.

I do think there is something very ugly about teaching young children that it is fun to kill.

The British 'hunters' are not my favourite group of people either, even if they don't kill anything (and they still do, of course).

I would not be able to keep my mouth shut if this were my grandchild, but then my children would already be very well aware of how I would feel.