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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To not want my Grandchild to hunt?

330 replies

salsmum · 16/11/2014 02:39

I am very much into animal rescue and hate to see cruelty against humans AND animals. DIL is pregnant with my 1st Grandchild which I'm obviously very excited about, I texted her today to ask how she was and how DS and 'bump' are and she said she was fine...etc.. and then excited tells me that her Nephew aged just a month into his 8th year is going out on his first hunt Shock. Her family are country people and my DS will be moving to the country once GC comes along. I really hate the thought of any child going hunting especially my GC because I think it's not something a child should see nor be encouraged to take part in. My DIL knows my feelings on animal cruelty and feel upset that she should mention 'the hunt' to me (in an excited-so proud of DN way).

OP posts:
blanklook · 16/11/2014 10:13

Your as yet unborn grandchild will be brought up as his parents see fit, that's both of his parents. Granny's role, a friend who has 5 dg tells me, is to provide support, not criticism, and to learn to keep quiet about the things their parents encourage if they are things you do not personally agree with.

Remember above all that your permission is not a requirement.

If I were you, I'd read some of the MIL threads on here so you can see the strength of feeling that happens and the consequences when MIL's behaviour goes against their son and DIL's views.

Enjoy life now, enjoy being a Granny when the time comes Smile

itsaruddygame · 16/11/2014 10:16

Personally I think you need to keep your counsel - it's not your choice and it will only cause confrontation.

Fwiw very few foxes are killed these days and it's worth bearing in mind that many of us who had rural childhoods have seen plenty of dead chickens and lambs courtesy of mr fox and that hunting them is not such an abhorrent thought to us as a result!

I honestly think that unless you have grown up rurally/had experience of farming life etc it's hard to understand many aspects of country life because your average suburban/urban life is so far removed from the reality of the circle of life/nature.

I know so many people who oppose hunting In yet think nothing of eating meat raised in appalling conditions and transported and slaughtered in a frightening and stressful environment which I find much worse than hunting personally.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 16/11/2014 10:20

YANBU

Assuming that you are in the UK - where's the animal cruelty? Hunts are drag hunts after the ban so no foxes will be harmed. It's simply a day out with hounds following a pre laid trail so where is the problem?

Grin Grin

Utter bullshit.

ChelsyHandy · 16/11/2014 10:22

I am very much into animal rescue and hate to see cruelty against humans AND animals.

What animals have you rescued OP? As instead of ending up coming across as a controlling GM, you could ameliorate the effect of the hunting by inviting your GC to come and help you look after the rescued animals on a day to day basis? You know, all the cleaning, feeding, exercising and so on. It would also give another element of the more practical side of animal care and reality that something like hunting away from a safe, sterile environment tends to give.

Mrsjayy · 16/11/2014 10:31

Not all hunting is fox hunting why are people assuming fox ? It could be pheasant or deer op yanbu to dislike it but I guess its a way of life its what they do I guess if they are hunting for food it is no different to fishing really it isn't my thing though

socially · 16/11/2014 10:39
  1. hunting and killing foxes is illegal in the uk now (although I know some get killed accidentally during the course if a drag hunt).

  2. if you did not know that then you will come across as a "typical" townie with a knee jerk pearl-clutching reaction to a normal country pursuit.

  3. how your son and dil raise their child is absolutely no business of yours

  4. why the focus on dil? Does your son not get a say?

  5. in any case this is not going to be relevant for another 8 years. At least.

YABU on all fronts.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 16/11/2014 10:49

What kind of person who cares about animal rights doesn't know that fox hunting was banned in the UK several years ago? Get your facts right before you go around criticising other people otherwise you'll look silly as well as bothersome to your DIL

Pecan
Oh dear. Who looks silly now.
I do believe it is you who needs to 'get your fact right
Fox hunting still takes place in the UK..... every week.
Hmm

Goldmandra · 16/11/2014 10:52

I imagine your DIL has mentioned this hunt to you quite deliberately, precisely because she intends that her future DCs will also hunt. She probably wants to establish the principle that this will be happening and get any discussions about it out of the way now so that it doesn't happen on the occasion of her DC's first hunt and spoil the enjoyment.

Hunting animals with dogs has been banned but it does still happen. However, an 8YO isn't very likely to see much of the actual hunt even if animals are being killed. He is far more likely to be straggling behind enjoying jumping the smaller fences and generally having fun with his friends on ponies.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 16/11/2014 10:53

Seriously.... some of you need to do your research. Fox hunting is still very much alive and kicking in the UK.

I am stunned at the number of people who genuinely think it has been banned.
Go and have a look at the Hunting Act 2004
Some hunts have indeed converted to drag hunting
The rest of them still hunt foxes apparently 'within the law'

KnackeredMuchly · 16/11/2014 10:53

Cantbelieve

Drink driving also happens every day of the week. But when someone says they are off on a drive the automatic assumption is not that they are downing a bottle of wine first.

Other examples might be watching a non-illegally downloaded movie, getting on a train but not dodging the barrier, going to a supermarket and not shop lifting.

"So proud, my nephew has his first hunt today!" .... Does not equal he is off to savage foxes. YABU to assume the worst just because it does happen.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 16/11/2014 10:57

Drink driving also happens every day of the week. But when someone says they are off on a drive the automatic assumption is not that they are downing a bottle of wine first.

Confused Er..... ok then.

Castlemilk · 16/11/2014 11:03

This is just something you have to accept, along with many other things - your 'first Grandchild' and any others that come along are part of a different nuclear family, who have their own way of doing things, before they are a part of their bigger, extended family which includes you.

You don't get a say, and nor should you - just as I'm sure you wouldn't have liked your husband's mother making it clear that she disapproved of your choices for your children. And don't, please don't fall into the comfy trap of telling yourself that all the nasty stuff you don't like is the influence of the 'outsider' - your DIL - with your son pigeonholed as 'your side of things' who would obviously do stuff your way if he had the chance. He and she are the family team - acknowledge and respect that, and it will show - and they'll be happier having you around.

Sure, you can make your disapproval felt. It's hard not to when you can't help but see half of this adult parenting team as the child YOU spent so long parenting... but if you do, the chances are this pair of completely independent adults will do what any other family would do, and withdraw from you to make their home lives easier.

Yes they're your family, but they're not your central, nuclear family. It's a new set of relationships, yes, where your son is concerned too.

AlexD72 · 16/11/2014 11:17

If they are country people and are moving to the country it will be part of GC life. It's part of country life. I love animals but I didn't take offence to rabbits and pheasants hanging upside down outside my back door. It was our dinner!
You can't expect your dil to do as you say concerning her child. She will want what she feels is best for her DC.

Preciousbane · 16/11/2014 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beckyboo2 · 16/11/2014 11:42

I think you are worrying prematurely - your Dil's nephew obviously enjoys all that side of riding, but there is no guarantee that your DGC will even like riding, let alone want to go hunting when the time comes.

Just enjoy the fact that your DGC will have the opportunity to grow up in the countryside and pursue wholesome hobbies.

And prepare yourself for the fact that your DGC may be introduced to the whole hunting/shootin/fishing scene by your Dil's family and that they may love all of it.

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2014 11:53

It's her child and her choice but I do understand what you mean, if it's not drag hunting.

I'm not a vegetarian, I love and eat meat.

However, what I can never get past is the sheer glee and enjoyment that hunters feel when they've taken the life of an animal.

Yes, animals need to be culled. Animals are also killed and eaten - those are undeniable facts.

However, I could no more get a 'buzz' out of that than I could get a buzz out of an animal being put to sleep at the vets, or Rentokil having to destroy mice/rats etc.

I often question the minds of people who see killing as a sport, and I think less of them as a result.

drudgetrudy · 16/11/2014 11:54

YANBU to feel that way but to say this to your son or DIL would be unreasonable and counter-productive as they will see it as interference and may fall out with you.
What you can do if and when you become a grandparent is to build a good relationship with your grandchildren and teach them a love of animals and that animals do have feelings.

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2014 11:54

However, what I can never get past is the sheer glee and enjoyment that hunters feel when they've taken the life of an animal.

Sorry ^^ I meant as a sport/entertainment.

Mrsjayy · 16/11/2014 12:01

I am with you worra I don't understand how anybody can enjoy killing something I dont get how killing animals is a sport to be enjoyed yet I know animals are killed to be eaten and all that

CelesteToTheDance · 16/11/2014 12:03

Yabu, you got to raise your kids the way you wanted, now it's their turn.

ChelsyHandy · 16/11/2014 12:12

WorraLiberty However, what I can never get past is the sheer glee and enjoyment that hunters feel when they've taken the life of an animal. Sorry ^^ I meant as a sport/entertainment.

I expect its go to do with human history over millennia, when hunting and sourcing food were a source for celebration, because otherwise you would have starved to death. How long have supermarkets been around? And are they actually a guarantee of ethical and non-traumatic animal slaughter (and transport)? Or do people just close their eyes to what actually happens to animals now to provide them with food, as long as it comes labelled and packaged in neat plastic wrapping and there is supposedly a government agency and laws in charge of what happens at UK slaughterhouses?

From that point of view, are people blind to animals being packed into lorries and transported long miles to slaughter on our main roads every day, and do they never wonder what sort of condition they arrive in and whether they survive the journey in tact?

WorraLiberty · 16/11/2014 12:17

Chelsy I imagine it does stem from human history but people evolve. Cavemen would have clubbed women over the head and shagged them whenever they wanted to, but thankfully not in 2014.

I also agree with what you're saying regarding supermarkets and ethical/non ethical meat.

But that has nothing to do with my point.

My point is, I don't understand the enjoyment and the buzz people get from killing animals.

I don't think death is something they should be rubbing their thighs over and enjoying this 'sport' in their spare time.

ChelsyHandy · 16/11/2014 12:26

I imagine your perceived notion of "glee" stems from a mixture of people enjoying being in the outdoors, doing something slightly dangerous, amongst friends, and/or enjoying riding their horses. I suspect they also enjoy maintaining their cultural heritage, like many people. I've hunted, and I didn't see any buzz that you describe at all, it was more of a functional task, the carrying out of a tried and tested procedure that followed certain rules otherwise it would have been a disorganised shambles. What sort of glee have you seen? Can you describe it? It sounds really silly to call it words like "buzz" and "glee", almost like you are describing some types of pathological maniacs who can barely function in civil society.

Its actually arguably more moral as it closer to sustenance level cultural traditions than, for example, someone expressing delight at a particularly good bargain cut of lamb from Tesco. Do you know how much wastage there is in supermarket produced food? Hunting is about culling the type of fox that tends to prey on farmed animals. When you have a large wastage element, this doesn't matter, but its more important for smaller arguably more ethical local farm shops, slaughtering on site, which I would like to see more of.

I'm talking theoretically of course, most British people trample over culture and would rather have their food as cheap as possible from the supermarket, and don't care about farming or slaughter practices, as long as they can convince themselves by doing so they are somehow morally superior to people who are more closely connected to farming, the outdoors and nature.

I really wish people would direct even a quarter as much attention to the cruel practices going on in our slaughterhouses, large farms and animal transporters that they do towards hunting. Because then they might actually achieve something worthwhile in terms of animal welfare.

GemmaPuddledDuck · 16/11/2014 12:26

Our local hunt swapped dogs for an owl after the ban so they could still hunt foxes within the law.

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 16/11/2014 12:27

Whats all this about waiting 8 years yet? Yesterday I was driving home along a busy road in the country and came across what was obviously a hunt and there was one little girl on a horse who was about 5/6 YO.

I just wish I knew when they were going on so I can adjust my route/time of driving accordingly and avoid having to negotiate that many horses while driving. Was surprised to see that many horses on that particular road though as its a very busy road, but hey ho its not something I know a lot about TBH.

Also I dont believe for a second that all hunts are done in the legal way.

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