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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think friend should change dirty nappy asap?

105 replies

Carrierpenguin · 29/10/2014 14:50

I have a friend whom I meet for coffee every couple of weeks. We both have 3yo. Often when we meet, her ds will do a dirty nappy. It is obvious when he does it, as he's 3 and not a tiny baby. But my friend just ignores it, or when I say something she just says 'oh I'll change it in a minute' which is usually ten minutes later by which point I feel quite ill

I've tried hinting, even being more blunt 'oh I can smell something' but she's not bothered by the smell or the fact her ds may be getting sore, though he doesn't seem bothered.

Aibu to think a dirty nappy should be changed asap?

OP posts:

juneybean · 29/10/2014 14:52

Yeah it should be, it'll be sore on his bottom as well :(

Original poster

Carrierpenguin · 29/10/2014 14:55

To be fair her ds doesn't seem bothered, but it can't be good for him or anyone else in the vicinity, surely it's necessary for good manners to change a nappy that really smells? (sorry) there's a baby change in the restaurant.

OP posts:

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 29/10/2014 14:58

I'd say ten minutes isn't that long, but she is BU not to change him as soon as she's aware tbh.

I usually wait a few minutes to make sure ds has finished

stereostar · 29/10/2014 15:06

Now...I expect some attacks but 3 yrs old should not be in nappies!

stereostar · 29/10/2014 15:08

oops...should be attacks not underlined

Milchardo · 29/10/2014 15:11

There may be reasons why the children aren't out of nappies at 3, stereostar. DD is 5-and-a-half, has high functioning autism and is still in pull-ups at night. I think she was nearly 3.5 before she was out of nappies during the day. But then she didn't walk until she was 16 months, so there may be some correlation.

OP, YANBU - 10 minutes is a long time if you and other customers are faced with the smell in a coffee shop, for example! I don't imagine it would do much harm to her DS, however, but it's probably better sorted sooner rather than later.

Hurr1cane · 29/10/2014 15:14

My 8 year old is in nappies, because I'm a shit mum.

Nothing to do with him being severely disabled.

The OP said nothing about why so you shouldn't judge. That's just nasty.

Hurr1cane · 29/10/2014 15:14

YANBU though OP. I usually wait a couple of minutes to avoid being pooed on if he hasn't finished though.

Topseyt · 29/10/2014 15:15

Waiting a few minutes is fine, as it can take some children a while to finish doing their business. It should always be done as soon as reasonably possible, but with the best will in the world a dirty nappy can sometimes happen at the most inconvenient moment, such as on the bus, on the London Underground, in the dentist's chair, in the doctor's surgery, whilst driving along the motorway etc.

My children's nappy days were a good while ago now. I always changed them right away if at all possible, but if it wasn't possible then I just made it a priority to get to where I could do it.

With regard to your friend though, she should have changed him as soon as she knew he was finished, both for his own good and to stop him smelling throughout the restaurant for other customers.

KnackeredMuchly · 29/10/2014 15:16

I leave mine in for a couple of mins. You should be honest and say "I can't bear the smell, can you please change him"

Greyhound · 29/10/2014 15:16

I think my son was still in nappies at age three. I think I potty trained him when he was 3 and 1/2.

MiniTheMinx · 29/10/2014 15:16

But three year olds will be nappies if nappies are not changed pronto. I should have thought that if you change them soon after, the child would then not "want" to get used to having a soiled nappy. If they dislike it, they are more and not less motivated to ditch nappies. Not attempting to potty train and not changing nappies are related, and both are laziness. That is not to say that all children can be trained before age three but many can.

stereostar · 29/10/2014 15:17

Ok Milchardo...could be, of course...didn't think that way...
anyway...I think nappies should be changed straight away...

Mouthfulofquiz · 29/10/2014 15:18

I don't think stereostar meant ALL children.. But at 3, you would expect children who are able, to be out of nappies wouldn't you? Anyway, that's by the by... It's not the question that was posed by the OP...
I think if your kid does a dirty nappy it should be changed as soon as is possible. And if it is so full of wee that it is dangling down by his or her little knees then change it too for goodness sake!

Pyjamaramadrama · 29/10/2014 15:18

Stereostar you're quite wrong, ds was in nappies until 3 years and 3 months, I'd tried everything and he pooing in the toilet but he had no idea when he was wetting, he just couldn't recognise the feeling despite spending much of the Summer in pants/no pants and ruining a carpet through so many accidents. Poor thing just looked completely puzzled when he stood and we'ed himself 30 seconds after I'd taken him off trying for the toilet.

HV recommended back in nappies and wait, and 3-4 months later he was dry day and night within a week.

Op yanbu, a poo should be changed ASAP and he'll get used to sitting in a dirty nappy.

Hurr1cane · 29/10/2014 15:20

No. Children should be potty trained when ready. If started too early it can lead to toilet refusal which is a massive farce and they'll take even longer to train.

SoonToBeSix · 29/10/2014 15:22

Many NT three years olds are still in nappies. All children are different.

Pyjamaramadrama · 29/10/2014 15:23

I was at the end of my tether mainly because judgmental people frowned at ds still being in nappies.

But as my lovely HV pointed out, her son was 4 before he was dry and has suffered no ill effects, in fact he became a successful doctor.

Do agree not changing nappies regularly can be connected though.

stereostar · 29/10/2014 15:27

What do you mean I am wrong!?
I know being in nappies 'till 5 is quite normal these days but I don't agree with that...if anyone feels judged, sorry, but that is my opinion...

MrsDeVere · 29/10/2014 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pyjamaramadrama · 29/10/2014 15:34

I mean what I say you are wrong.

It is not for you to say that a child shouldn't be in nappies at 3 years old. You can't possibly know or have tried to toilet train every child so you cannot possibly have an informed opinion on the matter.

Besides, what difference does it make to anything what age a child starts to use the toilet? As far as I'm aware no adults sit and discuss what age they were out of nappies, it's not a university entry requirement that you were out of nappies before age 3, and it's not on any job application form.

Whether a child is out of nappies at 1, 2, 3 or 4 will have absolutely no long term impact on their life so really, who cares?

Pyjamaramadrama · 29/10/2014 15:37

I don't feel judged because I don't care, ds is just perfect and noone now knows or cares about his nappy days, I dud feel judged as a mum trying to toilet train and wasted a lot of time because of silly misinformed opinions.

I don't think it's 'quite common' for 5 year olds to be in nappies unless they have additional needs, perhaps you could offer some statistics.

Thurlow · 29/10/2014 15:41

Selfishly, I always change them quickly because I can't stand the smell, less worrying about their bum.

And they should be potty trained when they're going to manage it. Coming on 3 and not a hint of readiness at all. Does it matter?

passmethewineplease · 29/10/2014 15:42

Stereo the child in qkestion is three not five, not that it matters much. Children can still require a nappy for a multitude of reasons. Here have a passive aggressive smiley back.

MrsPiggie · 29/10/2014 15:42

Yanbu, be more forceful next time and tell her the smell bothers you.
Lots of children are still in nappies at 3, I can't see how that is relevant.

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