to think friend should change dirty nappy asap?

[Carrierpenguin]

I have a friend whom I meet for coffee every couple of weeks. We both have 3yo. Often when we meet, her ds will do a dirty nappy. It is obvious when he does it, as he's 3 and not a tiny baby. But my friend just ignores it, or when I say something she just says 'oh I'll change it in a minute' which is usually ten minutes later by which point I feel quite ill

I've tried hinting, even being more blunt 'oh I can smell something' but she's not bothered by the smell or the fact her ds may be getting sore, though he doesn't seem bothered.

Aibu to think a dirty nappy should be changed asap?

Oh and as an aside, I've had various friends and relative who's children have been long out of nappies by the time they've started nursery. But have ended up having a wee or poo accident and the nursery wouldn't clean them up, rang the parents to collect them while the child sat in shitty pants.

Which suggests to me that even dry children often still need ongoing support with using the toilet.

Pyjama I was a nursery nurse until last month and I said children should be potty trained when ready. No judging from me. I've also never known a nursery nurse not to change a child with a dirty nappy, certainly didn't happen where I worked.

In the defense of the Op's friend, maybe she wait and makes sure her son is finished before changing him twice in a row?

Sorry Wilbur I was not referring to you, there were two other poster who suggested that.

This happened in nurseries attached to schools, ds nursery a private nursery were fine with nappies and accidents.

I don't mind waiting 5mins as mine poo in two parts (tmi?) but my one in nappies is 16months which is way different to a 3 year old - they really really smell so yanbu

Damn, I wish one of you would have a word with my Mum. I'm 18 and still have accidents and I know she loves getting up at 2am to help me shower and change, and change my sheets, especially as I'm ten stone and taller than her now. It's so obvious that's she's just bored.
Oh, hang on, nah, it's nothing to do with my disability...

Perhaps the so-called 'trend' of people toilet training later is because there is more understanding of the process and less unnecessary pressure on parents and children to be out of nappies as though it's some kind of achievement rather than a natural developmental phase that most children will master in their own time.

DixieNormas

I read your post as having four children between 19 months and 21 month and was going to ask how the heck you managed that!

Op yanbu, dirty nappies should be changed when you know the child is finished (or as soon as possible).
stereostar my lovely (just turned) 3 year old niece is very nearly toilet trained, you'll be glad to hear I'm sure!
She was born 10 weeks early with many congenital defects which still affect her to this day. She has survived 4 brain operations and 1 heart operation. None of us hoped to believe she would survive to this age and if she did, we didn't know what difficulties she would have.
So far she has astounded us with her ability to fight back and is very nearly catching up with her peers' development.
How dare you slate 3/4/5/10 year olds still in nappies when you know shit about them.

I agree they should be changed as soon as possible but sometimes this can be 20 mins later if we are out and about and there is nowhere suitable to change (ds is 8 so can only be changed in disabled toilets).

It is totally an issue of physical readiness and not lazy parenting. If they are ready it is pretty easy.

We have tried aome toilet training with dD for a few years (significant SN). Only now she is 8 are we making real progress and she is mostly dry. She tries with poos but still is usually too late to get to toilet quite on time. Bit she is getting there and will with time. Even when process is delayed for whatever reason it is still a mater of physical readiness. That is so obvious.

And even if child is ready and parents wait a few extra months so what?

Child in OP doesn't sound ready if he is happy to wear a dirty nappy for 10 mins tbh. If he was ready he would show some displeasure at this.

I don't see how a child can be potty trained before they're ready and if they're not ready until 3 years or older then they're not ready

Anyway - I think that dirty nappies should be changed promptly because of the smell and also to avoid nappy rash! I also think some wee nappies need to be changed sooner rather than later as well, I don't like seeing a saggy nappy full of wee!

Good point Dojo, people are quick to blame it on laziness and disposable nappies, but you're right, we have a lot more understanding in general and a lot of parenting has changed not just toilet training.

Also my friends little boy is 6 and has been out of nappies since 2 but still needs a nappy at night for bed wetting, I wonder whether that's acceptable for people's timeframe?

Point being, they're all different.

Kids who are left in dirty nappies become so used to it that toilet training them is far more difficult, in some cases almost impossible. Children are different but that doesn't excuse lazy parenting, if they're changed immediately from birth they'll hate the discomfort of a dirty nappy and as soon as they're physically ready to control themselves and able to communicate their need for the toilet, it'll be easy enough to teach them.

Most children are in nappies too long because their parents can't be arsed, it's not a coincidence that it's nearly always the ones left in their own shit/piss. If you can't even change a nappy, you're not going to be bothered toilet training them properly because that actually involves some work.

The minority that have special needs won't be any more likely to have lazy, neglectful parents than anyone else.

That is a long time to leave a child in dirty nappies, I'm not sure why anyone would leave it that long unless they were really not able to get to a changing place.

The potty training argument is missing the mark a bit? When people say an age they assume children to be potty trained by it's common sense that they don't include children with extra needs/disabilities and circumstances that impede it.

I was born in a generation where kids were expected to be potty trained by 2 some will have done so differently, everybody is brought up with different views and ideals, you can't really say your views are wrong because views are just that, somebody's biased opinion.

Historically children used to be trained very early because of the effort required to clean/dry terry nappies. When my children were babies,20 years ago, disposables were not as good so leaked regularly another inducement to train. Surely one of the great things about parenting today is that it is child led. My nephew stills wears pull ups at night and he is 7, so what? He is a gorgeous bright and happy boy and if this is his biggest problem my sister is really lucky.

I have a friend like this, she also changed her 2 year olds nappy on the sofa is a pub when we went for a meal.

My eldest two potty trained at 3. The eldest was 3 and a half exactly, middle was just over 3. The youngest is 2 and 2 months, I'm not expecting her to potty train until three either though of course she may do it sooner. The middle one still wears a nappy for bed, eldest did until just after his fourth birthday. I use reusable nappies fwiw.

I've never pressurised them into doing anything developmentally, just let them get there in their own time. They've always got there eventually. Unless SEN are involved no child will be in nappies into the teen years, have no fear. They all will get it when they are ready and willing. I attempted training when the eldest had just turned three, he absolutely wasn't ready. Waited a few months and he got it straight away. I wish we'd stop pressurising children to grow up as quick as possible and adhere to damn guidelines... When will we treat them as individuals?

Having ranted and raved about all of that stuff ... I think you definitely should change a poop as soon as you're aware of it, particularly in public when other people are subjected to the smell too. It's not pleasant.

Rollontome what a load of offensive ignorant crap.

Ds would only poo on the toilet for about a year before he properly came out of nappies. He was never left to fester in a dirty nappy. I don't see how this fits in with your lazy dirty parents idea.

When are some people going to realise that all children are different? My child might have walked, talked, wrote his name, read a book, rode a bike, swam a length earlier than yours. Does that make me superior and you a lazy good for nothing?

But aphrodites people do assume every child is trainable unless they can "see" they have SEN. My DD doesn't have any special educational needs either, or developmental delay. She has an issue with the way her bladder muscles work. Continence issues are really common but, as rollon has done, the assumption is often that it's a parenting fail (or child is lazy) until they are about 5/6. And spending 5 years regarded as that 'failing parent' can make you a bit sensitive on the subject :). Anyway we've gone way off topic.

This concept of "readiness" is quite a modern one I think. So much of childhood development is cultural. I have a reprinted Edwardian book about child rearing. Babies then spent a lot of hours in a crib. They learned to walk around the age of 2, but they were out of nappies around 9m.

I'm not necessarily against the trend towards later toilet training, but I do think the nappy companies do very well out of it!