to think friend should change dirty nappy asap?

[Carrierpenguin]

I have a friend whom I meet for coffee every couple of weeks. We both have 3yo. Often when we meet, her ds will do a dirty nappy. It is obvious when he does it, as he's 3 and not a tiny baby. But my friend just ignores it, or when I say something she just says 'oh I'll change it in a minute' which is usually ten minutes later by which point I feel quite ill

I've tried hinting, even being more blunt 'oh I can smell something' but she's not bothered by the smell or the fact her ds may be getting sore, though he doesn't seem bothered.

Aibu to think a dirty nappy should be changed asap?

I had a friend who did this, not a close friend though and it was just awful. The stench was just terrible. I did say things like 'oh I think your little one has done something', they would say 'yes' and then wait ages carrying on the conversation whereas I couldn't think straight with the pong!

I think there has been a shift in the age some parents start to potty train. Having a child out of nappies early, before or just after age 2 used to seem to be the aim. Now parents seem to be waiting until they are 3 to train them. The context of the parents I mention is the ones from the nursery school I work at which has 90 2 year old places and 100 3 year old places. More children are going into the 3 year old room still in nappies than about 5 years ago.

Iv heard health professionals talking about "missing the window" at about age 2 and then parents struggling to train their child and it taking longer.
Pull ups cause all kinds of confusion too and they seem to be advertised on tv more and have characters on that appeal to children but are useless for toilet training. I think some parents are expecting their child's toilet training to be nurseries sole responsibility and will just randomly send their children in knickers one day with no practice at home... This then leads to accidents and sets the child back a step... There are some genuinely lazy parents too though whose children are showing signs of being ready but they just leave it. Lots of possible reasons why, but the trend does seem to be children toilet training later than used to be.

stereostar

As you only joined the website an hour ago maybe you're unaware that writing posts designed to do nothing other than start a bunfight are actually not allowed here.

If you now come back with 'I'm a name change' then I'll point out that you should know better than to be such a goady fucker and try being a little bit more supportive on a fucking parenting website!

Op YANBU, its stinks, Stereo my opinion about this is the same as yours, but I cant believe so many threads about shitty nappies,& 'how dare you crtiticise my parenting' Im gone to peep at relationship board, may be a bit more interesting!!

The point is a dirty nappy should be changed as soon as possible. the age of the child wearing the nappy is not the point of the thread.

DS1 was 3 before I thought to train him for various reasons. He is now 13 and is perfectly able of getting himself to the toilet when needed, as is his 11 year old sister who was dry in the day before two.

I would be extremely dubious about claims that a 15 year old who isn't toilet trained had nothing medical or developmental going on. At any rate, kids don't end up that just by having parents who aren't in much of a hurry to push them to potty train. Either there is something physical going on, or something psychological.

MissOtisRegretsMadam yeah, this is exactly what my sister saying (nursery nurse) and cousins (teachers, who actually have/had 4 and 5 yrs old in nappies)...I was actually talking about lazy parenting and no special needs kids...quite possibly, they are fully aware of their laziness and then feel bad when someone else recognizes it too ;)

i will fully admit i'm lazy, Because changing a nappy is more lazy that the child doing it with no input from me, how?

"Special needs kids"?

Many children with special needs have not yet been diagnosed at the age of 4 or 5. In some cases, that's because they have teachers who just assume that the parents are lazy and the child would catch up with a bit of firm discipline.

My nephew was apparently toilet trained at 1 well according to my mother and sister. Unfortunately for the poor little chap I saw no sign of him being toilet trained last time I saw him (age almost 6) I'm convinced his issues are caused by too early inappropriate methods

I think parents are potty training a bit later these days, probably because disposable nappies are so much better, cheaper and more widely available than they used to be. And I don't see what the problem is!

Does it really matter in the long run? Is it actually harming anyone?

Oddly our Continence Nurse despairs of nurseries (and hvs who should know better) despairing of lazy parents who fail to get their child clean and dry by age 3.

But what would she know? She's just a Nurse Specialist with years of expertise.

Ds1 is nearly 8, was out of nappies at 2.5 (because everyone told me I'd "miss the window"), was having as many clothes changes as he would have had nappy changes for a good year after that (because the window theory is bolleaux), and still has accidents years later. Continence Nurse is not unduly concerned and stresses that he is normal and that this is not particularly uncommon and is not down to lazy parenting.

The vast majority of 3 and 4 year olds in nappies will be fully continent before they start school since "readiness" is a spectrum like so many issues of child development.

stereostar

I've now reported two of your posts for being incredibly nasty, unsupportive and goady.

I hope you're a newbie and not a name changer who is being shitty for the sake of it (and cowardly too).

Completely agree that you should wait until children are ready to train. They are all different and 3 is not really that late in the scheme of things. I don't know about lazy parenting, I hate that term, just an excuse for people to be judgemental.

Well said ourye.

Toiletting problems are underdiagnosed. Why do so many people that it's the parent's fault? Considering approx. 1 in 12 children have an ongoing continence issue, it's amazing there are so few in nappies or with a proper care plan. I think there are probably a lot being permanently or frequently in uncomfortable damp pants, like my DD was. Whoop-de-do for their parents putting in all that effort to get them in pants. Shame about the smelliness, soreness, mess and and UTIs but at least it stops people looking down their noses at lazy parenting.

www.eric.org.uk/assets/Media%20&%20PR%20images/ERIC%20response%20to%20UNISON%20&%20RCN%20call%20for%20action%20to%20protect%20children%20with%20health%20needs%20in%20schools.pdf

That would make me sick. Tell her it's making you sick.

Hit the report button, don't rise to it

I'm not quite sure what a 5 year old being in nappies has to do with this? We're talking about a 3 year old. Both of mine were potty trained by about 2.6 ish but so what? I'm a firm believer that if you have tried with a 3 year old and they're not ready then they're just not ready. I'm all for encouraging them but i can find far more things more worthy of my judgypants. A 5 year old NT child is a different thing but I've yet to meet one.

Needasock good to know you've decided your nephew's problems are due to his toilet training. Babies have been held over a pot from a month or so old for millennia, and millions of babies are trained that way now, and most of them grow up continent just fine.

We started to train DD at age 2. My mum tells me DD's issues are due to her being trained too late. My friends tell me it's because she was trained too early, before she was "ready". They can't both be right. It's just possible that my timing had nothing to do with it. Likewise for your nephew's parents. Maybe he was just born that way.

Who knows or cares why this kids in a nappy.

Fact is if he's in a nappy and he's done a poo it should be changed sharpish.

But it's going from a 3 year old who's probably just not quite ready to masses of 5 year olds going to school with nappies on because their parents are apparently so lazy.

And sorry but you haven't caught me out, I'm a right lazy bugger, but I tried with potty training on and off from around 18 months, never used pull ups either btw, tried everything I possibly could, and it wasn't until health visitor told me some kids just aren't ready, I gave in for a few months. At 3.3 he did it, never looked back. No laziness involved just a toddler who didn't recognise when his wee was coming.

But something doesn't quite add up there, I mean I personally find it way easier having ds use a toilet than I did changing stinky nappies all day, it's also cheaper, cleaner, so I'm puzzled as to why all these parents are keeping their children in nappies as the 'easy option'.

It's nice to know that all the nursery nurses are slagging off and judging the 'lazy' parents who pay their wages.

But I'm still not hearing anything solid and factual about an epidemic of teenagers in nappies, just a load of hearsay and gossip.

And I remember kids in my class in the 80s having toilet accidents in reception and year one.

Yes, I am new here...I registered about 2 days ago or something like that...in mean time aka today I have changed my nickname if that is relevant at all...if explanation needed, I think I prefer stereo to mono ;)
I expressed my opinion without being horrible to anyone, while being attacked for various reasons, sweared at and accused of posting passive aggressive smileys, accused of not being supportive, being reported and who knows what else...well...quite shocked to be honest...it seems that that is what some of you do to each other and then change name (thank you for clarifying this to me, whisk), so you can continue with abuse...that is quite shocking too but no, I am not part of that story and sure not planning to be in the future. I think I learnt now how things here work so...peace...I will not be posting anything anymore...my apologies to anyone who feels offended

Stereostar you are claiming that you are being attacked yet actually you are the one who made an attacking statement about many parents who for reasons unbeknown to you, haven't managed to get their children out of nappies within your preferred timeframe.

You've called them lazy and made assumptions about them.

And the only thing you can back it up with is a dodgy newspaper article and some gossip from some of your friends.

Friend should definitely change ASAP!

As an aside, I'm British but live in the USA. Most of the private nurseries/daycares here require potty training in order for children to start - from around 2.5 upwards. Seems very young to me - I've seen so many parents getting so stressed about it as they need to be in work etc.

^^ what pyjamas said.

There are a lot of parents here who have children with significant additional needs and/or disabilities. (Myself included).

This is a parenting support site, and as such, sweeping statements like those above posted by new members will cause offence unfortunately.