AIBU to refuse to do laundry for DS (16)

[Claybury]

Because he has no school until Sept and contributes nothing domestically. And because I think he needs to learn how to do it for himself. The closest he has got is bringing the whole basket downstairs, it is now sitting in the hall and we have reached stalemate !

How come he does nothing domestically?

By 16 I was fully expected to do my laundry and prepare my own food. He really does need to learn as it won't be too long before he's off out in the Big Bad World.

No!

My DCs aged 14 and 10 have been helping in the house for quite a while, years actually.

They are both capable of putting on a load of washing and putting it out to dry.

Your DS certainly needs to learn to look after himself.

A big thumbs up from me!!! I think all children in the family should be expected to contribute something to the home. This teaches life skills and respect. Don't be a doormat.

When he starts work and pays board make it clear what is included in the fee and don't be expected to do everything.

He won't get it so cushy in the outside world and need to learn 'survival skills'.

A laundry basket in the hall. In this heat. with festering teenage smalls etc in it? How long will this stalemate last? Until he runs out of clothes or until you cant stand the pong?

Surely it just wastes water and causes you grief if he's running the washer when you want to use it. He'll also finish the detergent and not tell you.

He needs to learn how to help with everyone's washing, how to sort light and dark, delicate and not.

What program to use etc.

Most of all he needs to learn to put stuff to wash and put it away, yes DD2(13) I am looking at you.

Away does not mean rolled up with your 1/2 worn stuff, away means in your wardrobe and draws

Doing just your own anything just causes grief. DCs need to see things need doing/tidying and just be generally helpful.

Yes, you've guessed, DD2 is also great at tidying only her shoes or her plates from the living room and having a massive huff if it's suggested she just aids the general running of the house.

I think, he's your son, look after him. Life is short so choose your battles.

If he's anything like the ones I know, he'll be rolling his eyes and wondering what your problem is.

Your priorities, not his. He's 16. He's certainly not got washing on his mind.

What's he like otherwise? Nice lad? How did you ask him to bring his stuff down? What are you'd bargaining chips? Lifts? Money? Food?

In a few short years you might give your eye teeth to trip over his laundry in the hall...

I'd be happy if he just did his own. That seems fair. He can fill a machine once a week with his own. No sorting needed. Teenage boys don't have delicates or whites !
I know he should do more but it's SUCH hard work getting him to it. Almost impossible actually.
I'm sure other people on there must have reluctant DC's.

I'm doing this with my DD (also 16). She knows how to use the machine so I have left her to it. She put some clothes through when she realized she needed stuff for the next day, problem was she didn't think to do the next stage of taking them out of the machine and hanging them on the line until the evening when it was too late. So she put them on the airer over night but I think landed up wearing slightly damp clothes the next day. Hopefully she has learned from this
She may be learning that the clothes washing fairy does not exist! However she cooked dinner today and if the state of the kitchen is anything to go by she still believes in the washing up fairy- think I may be about to upset her

TBH with you, people have assigned roles within the home. I do the washing. I leave a note if DC are home and they peg it out and bring it in. DH irons it.

Can you imagine the kerfuffle if everyone was doing their own?

I really don't grasp the idea of everyone is a house doing their own thing. Is there no sense of working together any more? Shall I only peel enough potatoes for me this evening? The others can peel their own portions? Will we use the same pot or will we need one each. It all becomes rather silly.

I do all the family's laundry. Ds1 (18) has mild s/n's but hoovers upstairs and keeps his own space tidy. He plays with ds3 (7) for a couple of hours occasionally to give me a break but is not left alone in the house with him and doesn't take him out. Ds2 (16) hoovers downstairs, empties the bins and dishwasher walks the dog, babysits for ds3, puts him to bed 3/4 nights a week and takes him to the park occasionally. When I was working he did occasional after school club pickups if I was running late. Ds3 does odd jobs, fetching and carrying and waters the garden and pots.

he's your son, look after him
What???
For the rest of his life?

Being a parent means teaching your kids how to live an independent life.
How to be respectful of the house and what it takes to keep it functioning and tidy.

At 16 he most certainly SHOULD be doing his own washing.

Do NOT inflict a useless mummies boy on the poor unsuspecting girls out there.
We all know from these boards how that ends!!

I'm robbing my 10 year old of his childhood. He does his own washing once or twice a week. Takes it to the washer, puts it in lights/dark (whites have a separate basket) puts the liquid in, switches it on and either DH or I empty it when it's done. He also vacuums, dusts and empties the dishwasher.

How do I get him to do this I hear you ask?
£10 a week pocket money. He thinks he's richer than Midas!

I also do my family's laundry. Have dd 16 and ds 14. We are lucky enough to have a cleaner who hangs out and irons but I sort it and wash it.

I did nothing at home when I was growing up and although I can't condone it, it doesn't take long to learn when they move out and actually need to. Yes in principle they should be mucking in. But I know plenty of people now in their early twenties at uni who are polite, well adjusted and quite capable of working out how to use a washing machine and look after themselves if they have to.

I guess I chose my battles but this isn't one of them!

ANother one who doesn't get 'doing his/her own washing/cooking'
I get expecting a child to put on a load of everyone's washing or to take a turn in cooking a meal for the family, but doing their own? Aren't you a family rather than a houseshare? Don't get it at all.

Yanbu.

DS1 has been off college since 4th July... Whilst he doesn't offer his services he will do the jobs that I ask of him. The upstairs has had its second vacuum since Sunday....I get him to mow the lawn, sweep out the garage... Today he has done the dishwasher (unloaded) and hoovered downstairs.

He does not get any payment. We gave him an ultimatum last Oct, get yourself a part-time job by 1st Jan if you don't your allowance will stop... and it did.

He could do his washing at a push, but I would rather do it all together.

You are absolutely right to try to get your DS to do his own laundry, OP. It is a nice discrete task that isn't difficult and gives him some responsibility for his own care.

Good luck! It took my DSS1 going to university to fully grasp that laundry put in the washing machine with detergent on a wash cycle didn't then make its way through the dryer/clothes horse/folding/cupboard transition on its own.

When I was a teenager my mother did everything for me, including picking my dirty clothes up off the floor. But, she taught me nothing about how to look after myself and run a home, which used to piss my dad off massively. I moved out when I was 17 and straight into DH's flat. I knew nothing about housework, DH taught me how to use the washing machine, how to hang clothes out so they would dry (not all bunched up apparently - who knew?), how to change the bed, how to iron etc.

I was determined not to treat my own DC the same way. I went through a similar phase as you with my DSD when she was a teenager. Eventually she cottoned on. Now she's living with her nan (she's 22 now) and it drives her mad when her nan does her washing as she'll put it away in places she can't find, and DSD has a particular way she likes to do her own washing. She's much rather do her own.

I had the dds trained to bring in washing off the line from the age of 3 now they can hang it out and put a wash on if needed.

My teen sons all do lots of jobs, but I am the laundry fairy in our house. I sort the washing and load the machine, but the boys are quite happy to hang it out & bring it in & fold it. DH will do whatever ironing is necessary.

DS1 will sometimes put a load of his own stuff in and look after it. He's lived away from home as a student so is used to doing it himself.

I don't mind doing the laundry tbh, as long as they help out in other ways. And to be fair, they do quite a bit, including cooking. My reasoning is that they are young adults or nearly adults sharing a house with us, and they need to contribute to the running of the house by doing jobs. I have been known to withhold allowances or phone credit unless certain jobs are done, which is very effective.

Back to your situation, OP. Stick to your guns. Your DS will learn how to use the washing machine quickly enough if he has no clean clothes to wear.

Well, I've never got the 'each individual in the household just looks after themselves' way of thinking - I really don't want 5 of us each putting in sep loads but I do think he should be pulling his weight while he's there.
So, my 18 yr old doesn't put in washing, but he cooks a lovely evening meal for us all, so I'm happy to chuck a load in which includes his stuff.

I can understand if he doesn't, then fair enough it that's what he's going to miss, then don't wash his clothes until he's ready to talk.

I work full time so my ds 12 will prep and cook dinner and once homework is done will do household jobs eg, washing up, Hoover, dusting, sorting washing etc. he does this without payment. I don't get paid so why should he. He does get to go on 2 scout camps a year and this year has seen 5 musicals with school.
I want my son to go off to uni and be able to look after himself, budget money and cook decent food. It's my job to teach him regardless of the constant eye rolls he gives me when asked to do something.

Can he be trusted not to mix his colours? I don't see a problem with him doing it, but I expect given the choice he would probably be wearing the same pair of jeans all summer :)

He's 16. He will just keep taking stuff out if the linen basket to wear...

I have a 16yo ds. I know what he smells like. I couldn't stand recycled clothes Jr the smell of the laundry bin for long

(and I do my ds's washing. He is disabled and does what he can but that doesn't include loading/running the washer)

My older 2 do their own because it only impacts upon them if they don't do it.
I'm not going to nag about how it's fair that they contribute to the running of the household while they drag their feet and the rest of us wait for our clothes to be cleaned.
Also teenaged daughter would not be happy having teenaged son rummage through her smalls.