Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to do laundry for DS (16)

120 replies

Claybury · 23/07/2014 15:14

Because he has no school until Sept and contributes nothing domestically. And because I think he needs to learn how to do it for himself. The closest he has got is bringing the whole basket downstairs, it is now sitting in the hall and we have reached stalemate !

OP posts:
noddyholder · 24/07/2014 22:49

Yes I think so. I don't think it matters who does what when as long as no one is taking the p

kawliga · 24/07/2014 23:38

Growing up my brother never helped in the kitchen. But he would spend hours sitting with my mother telling her stories that made her laugh until tears ran down her face. Nobody could make her laugh like my brother could. When I think back to my childhood this is one of my happiest memories, DB making mama laugh. She was so happy around him. I don't care that he didn't help out in the kitchen.

weatherall · 24/07/2014 23:48

"Your job" I'd be livid at that comment!

Did your DP challenge him on this comment?

wannabestressfree · 25/07/2014 00:02

I feel a bit precious about my washing machine so no chance but I like him to bring his stuff down and put his washing away (not on the floor like he does mostly)

Bambambini · 25/07/2014 00:15

Yabvu - it's his summer holiday, let him enjoy it.

Original poster
Claybury · 25/07/2014 08:38

Bambam- would doing a load of his own laundry weekly mean he can't enjoy his summer ! I do 10 loads a week for our family. What about my summer?

OP posts:
DownByTheRiverside · 25/07/2014 08:45

You need the confidence to decide what you think is reasonable and just do it, without worrying about the opinions of strangers.
DD was horrified during her years at uni about house sharing with students who had no idea of basic cleaning or how to share a house and who were content to live in squalor. Crunchy floors, sticky tables and bathrooms that were like the worst public conveniences. Not to mention the diets they chose to exist on. They hadn't brought the house elf with them and had no understanding of the basic running of a household. Both sexes, as many unaware and indifferent females as males.

16 is not a tot or a mite or a poppet, they are working towards adulthood. A couple of basic tasks should not be beyond most of them.

littlewhitebag · 25/07/2014 09:52

downbytheriverside My DD was horrified by this too when she went to uni. She was a rubbish cook but at least she knew how to keep things clean, do her laundry and wash dishes.

I think not getting children to do chores is really poor parenting. These are self care skills which everyone should learn. We have to prepare our children for independent living.

Doing a few chores does not spoil anyone summer. What about poor mum who is doing everything, is she not entitled to enjoy her summer?

claybury Dig deep, don't do his laundry and encourage him to do other chores. It is for his own good - and yours!

noddyholder · 25/07/2014 09:58

My ds housemates of the 6 I know 4 and their parents as they are from our home town but they did actually live in what i would call squalor initially even though they had all come from homes where they could do cooking cleaning etc I think sometimes they rebel once they leave and don't 'have' to but by the end of term 2 I think the novelty of teh chaos had worn off!

DownByTheRiverside · 25/07/2014 10:05

I do know that one of DD's housemates did rebel from his loving family diets, lived on beer and pizza and chinese takeaways for a couple of terms. Then after a while she kept finding him lurking around her at dinner time, watching her steaming broccoli and grilling stuff with a hopeful expression and a fork.
So she taught him how to cook. There's still a lot of beer and pizza, but also salads and grilled fish. Smile
I don't mind how other people run their homes and families for the most part, I just can't stand the whinging that adults do about their unappreciative children. Either change stuff or accept it, but stop moaning.
OP, that's not directed at you at all, you are planning on changing things.

noddyholder · 25/07/2014 10:09

I found my ds picked up stuff as he grew up just watching joining in etc Washing he hates but can do.

BlackeyedSusan · 26/07/2014 23:50

oh dear, goodness knows what you think of poor ds then. he has been pouring the detergent into the correct drawerof the washing machine since he was only just big enough to see into the drawer standing on tiptoes...

dd has been "washing up" since she was in her high chair. she has recently done some washing up that did not need finishing off for the first time age 7.

they both helped with hoovering since small, though getting one 6 inch square hoovered really well and the rest of the floor unhoovered is a bit tiresome at first.

they both help with cooking and getting their own lunches and breakfasts.

dd cleans the bathroom basin with soap and sponge. they both help clean the windows with vinegar and cloths.

they enjoy it, for now at least. hopefully they will be used todoing their bit ewhen they are older.

Lucyccfc · 27/07/2014 00:15

Talk about Molly-coddling your kids! As parents it is our job to teach our children to be able to live an independent life and have life skills.

My DS has been doing the dark washing since he was 6. He is 9 now and his jobs are to set and clear the table at meal times, wipe the mats and polish the table, dark washing, change his bedding, hoover his room and sweep the paths and patio in the garden. He gets a few more jobs to do each birthday with a small increase in pocket money.

I won't be giving his future wife a useless man who does nothing round the house because he hasn't got a clue.

cardibach · 27/07/2014 11:22

I'm a bit confused about how someone can be 'taught to do the washing' in a way that will help them when they leave home Confused. All machines are different! Operating the home one means nothing, really.
It's just DD (18) and me at home. She pitches in with whatever - cleaning (including bathrooms), tidying, sorts her own room and puts all her own laundry and the sheets and towels away (airing cupboard in her room) but has never had actual 'chores'. She doesn't have a lot to do with the washing part of laundry but I have confidence in her ability to think and reason and therefore to fathom out a washing machine...
She can cook useful student things like Bolognese sauce and its variants and can read so can cook from a recipe. I'm confident she will cope.

DownByTheRiverside · 27/07/2014 12:12

Oh, how about washing like with like, knowing that different clothes need different temperatures(especially wool), remembering to empty pockets, unrolling sleeves, knowing that if you leave a load in for a day, it will smell musty, measuring out liquid or powder correctly...all sorts of useful skills that go hand in hand with following the instructions for the individual model.
Bit like learning to drive, there's more than one model out there.

cardibach · 27/07/2014 15:53

Cars tend to work much the same though...programmes on a washing machine don't. And laundrette machines even less so. She knows all that from seeing me/general conversation/not being completely blind to what is going on in the house. How long do you think it would take to work it out anyway? I am confident she will manage perfectly well and I'm happy with her contribution to running the home.

kawliga · 27/07/2014 15:53

My DS has been doing the dark washing since he was 6.

This is the key, you have started early and you will not suddenly turn around on him when he's 16. By the time they are 16 years old it is too late and unfair for parents to nag them about things they never taught them. I think 16 years old is too late to suddenly decide that actually, this ds should be doing his own laundry if he has never had to do it until then.

Bogeyface · 27/07/2014 16:01

Practically, with so many of us, the older ones doing their own washing wouldnt work. But they have other jobs instead so I am happy with that

However, I have just realised that this means that none of them actually know how to work it and what goes where! Need to get on to that this week. They can put on one load each a week, not hard to do and not onerous considering I do 2 a day every day and 3 or 4 on bed changing day!

Thefishewife · 27/07/2014 16:18

My ds has been doing his own washing since 12 and at 14 he's also dose his own ironing if he hasn't washed or ironed his cloths that's his issue he has to learn I think parents who let their children get to uni age not knowing how to wash , iron ECt have not done their job

Thefishewife · 27/07/2014 16:22

poster cardibach really even though all machines are different their are basics eg what powder to use

What you have to do if the item says dry clean only

What colours can go with what so a red top can go in with black but not whites the difference between fabric softer and washing powder ECt

Making sure they know what type of clothing can be tumble dried ECt even how to hang things out propley so they don't smell

combust22 · 27/07/2014 16:24

Surely it makes sense for the washing to be lumped together for the whole household. there are 5 of us and it would be silly for everyone to do their own. It would end up with lots of little loads, or colours/whites and delicates lumped together, sounds very inefficient.

Doing bigger family washes makes far more sense- I can do all the work/school white cotton things together on a hot wash with a little bleach, all the darker stuff together, delicate and woollens on a different programme. Each family member may only have one or two garments for each catagory, but putting them with everyone elses clothes in the appropriate care cycle means that the washing machine runs full every time, and maximises the efficiency and costs for detergent and electricity.

kawliga · 27/07/2014 17:10

I have just realised that this means that none of them actually know how to work it and what goes where!

It is not rocket science. If by any chance they leave home without ever having done laundry they will figure it out. If they have any common sense they know that the clothes have to go in and somehow the whole machine has to be set going. They can read the instruction manual or ask a friend.

Mintyy · 27/07/2014 17:15

Those who think op is BU - can you expand a little? I'm at a loss to see any single way in which she could possibly be thought of as unreasonable.

AnnDaloozier · 27/07/2014 17:17

i give my post exam son a daily job to do before he can go out. Plus normal duties of dishwasher, watering garden etc.
its just fair

combust22 · 27/07/2014 17:17

kawliga- I agree- how hard is it to use a washing machine and do laundry?

It's silly to think there is some arcane knowledge going on here.