AIBU to refuse to do laundry for DS (16)

[Claybury]

Because he has no school until Sept and contributes nothing domestically. And because I think he needs to learn how to do it for himself. The closest he has got is bringing the whole basket downstairs, it is now sitting in the hall and we have reached stalemate !

My DD2 is 16. She works three full days a week at the moment and on the days she doesn't work she will do whatever housework ask of her (hoover, dust, washing) and will walk the dog. Without complaint. She can also cook. She is lovely.

Don't start me on DD1 (age 21) though!

I am very particular about washing, so although my DC knew how to do it I preferred to do it myself. I also think it's wasteful not to have a full load.

However, they ironed their own clothes from when they got to secondary school. Made their own lunches, cleared up after dinner and did some housework.

And cleaned their own rooms and changed their beds.

That seemed fair.

Usualsuspect- it would be really easy for me to do it for him. Easier than getting him to do it obviously. But that's not the point. As I said, he does nothing around the house and his own laundry is a discrete task for him to do. not discreet now it is in the hall
It's not hard, it's all blue and grey and would go in together and fill one load . ( incidentally I think sorting colours is over rated unless you have new jeans or really white clothes )
He won't wear dirty clothes so stalemate will have to end soon!
It IS a small a job for me ( since I do laundry for a large household ) but he can't be bothered to do it which doesn't mean I should do it !!
It's also about teaching him that LAUNDRY IS NOT WOMEN'S WORK.

Yanbu. Presumably it's as easy for him to do your washing as it is for you to do his.

If he can fill a load once a week with mixed colours then definetly get him doing it.

We dont split colours and dd (2.5) has her own baslet which once a week is washed, dried, folded and put away. When she is insecondary school she will be doing that herself!

it's a bit late to get side saddle on your high horse about laundry not being women's work if you have let him get off with no contribution to running a house for 16 years.

a LARGE family meeting about chores is well overdue.

My 2 youngest dds 15/17 do nothing at all round the house, they are good hardworking girls apart from the screaming paddy's and they have been told that these holidays they are going to have to start helping out around the house.
I'm at work all day and would like to be able to come home once in a while to a reasonably tidy house.
Don't think either of them are impressed and it remains to been seen what they actually do !
The eldest is off to uni next year and I feel that she needs to learn a few skills, as the cleaning Fairy wont be going with her

Why isn't he working? My teen DC and all their mates had part time jobs by 16. DS had a job at 13.

If he won't do anything else then yes I think you have no option but to make him do something he will feel he has to do as it directly affects him.

Good luck!!

Have actually shown him what to do?

Being a parent means teaching your kids how to live an independent life. How to be respectful of the house and what it takes to keep it functioning and tidy

My sons know how to shop, cook, wash up, use a washing machine and iron. At a push, they can de-yuk their bathroom.

They are respectful and aware of how the household runs. They just don't always, at their age, think it's anything to do with them. And frankly nor do I.

Do NOT inflict a useless mummies boy on the poor unsuspecting girls out there

No, I won't. And nor will I inflict domestic responsibility om some young lad who has all sorts of academic, social and sporting interests to enjoy right now.

I despair reading these threads. They are your children, not your domestics.

I snap chat mine chores, that gets their attention!

OP good for you for making a stand .you are a lot braver than i .i always threaten my sons 23/18/14 thats it you can do your own washing cooking rooms .but god i can,t stand the smell or the mess .and i always hear well dad does,nt do it .. god help the poor young woman who get my son,s

Montegomongoose, I'm glad there are people who think like me. I was a bolchy teen who did very little but I think I learned by example and managed with no problem when I left home for uni at 18. Both my children had loads of commitments during the week when at school and therefore did very little too. They both managed to live away from home with nothing but answering the odd question.
I ask them to do things and they do. They are helpful, loving and caring but they didn't have chores and they manage fine. I don't think doing everything for them makes them mummies' boys or girls.
I leave a list when they are home and they do it before I come home from work as well as their holiday jobs.

My 15 year old does most of the family laundry (not the ironing - DH does that) It's one of her jobs. She also cooks for the family several times a week, as well as fitting in music, Guides, dance, sport, a voluntary job and GCSEs. It's part of contributing to the family. Teenagers are perfectly capable of doing simple things like washing, and we're doing them a disservice if we think otherwise.

Interesting how many of these are boys. I think its a little unfair not to show them how to do basic chores (by their own choice or otherwise) while they still have the chance to practise at home. Cant they be at least responsible for washing bedding for example? That is easy peasy

I have 10yo ds trained to gather up his own washing, add anything else from the family washing basket to make up a load, & switch it on, then take it out & peg it out.

Family deal is: if anyone comes to me & says they need something clean for tomorrow, I will happily bung it through a wash for them - family of 5, there's always enough to make up a load.

However, there is no point moaning that something hasn't been washed if it's festering somewhere & I haven't been asked/they haven't washed it themselves.

I also expect all 3 dc to sort clean washing & put away. 6yo dd2 gets this, even, although she's crap at putting stuff away because she can't reach to hang it.

I get that teenagers CBA. I don't believe they can't manage it or shouldn't be expected to, though. I CBA with indulging that!

Stalemate ended with me and DH insisting he load his own clothes in. Which he did. Into the tumble drier. I showed him which appliance was the washing machine and was trying to show him what to do with detergent when he stormed off.
He is a perfectly intelligent 16 yo. He just doesn't see why he should do something he regards as 'my job'. What I don't get is the level of reluctance.
For those who think teens are 'busy' with other stuff, he really isn't. It's the summer hols and he has nothing to do. At all. During term time I am happy to support busy DC's domestically as I believe exams etc are more important.

claybury He is being ridiculous and you need to find a way to clamp down on it.

Any nonsense like that from my 16yo would be dealt with swiftly by withdrawing ALL privileges/money/lifts/meals. Basically i would do nothing for them until they started to help.

He must know that it is not your 'job' to do these things. I seriously hope you didn't put his washing on and have dumped it back in his room.

'How hard is it to sling his washing in with yours.'

How hard is it for him to sling some of your washing in with his?
I do think that showing them what to do is essential, but expecting a 16 YO to do a few jobs related to themselves and their environment is not treating them like domestic slaves. It's a lifeskill,like tying shoelaces, washing up and remembering to take your keys with you.

uanbu!! my mum let my sister get away with being lazy around the house & still doesn't do her own washing (she's now 20!) and expects everyone else to clean her shit up for her. She has no life skills- can't sew, can't cook and can't even keep her own room in order.

Claybury, he's being a prat. Stay patient and amused at his blatent attempts to avoid any responsibility for things he doesn't like, and have a consequence for non-cooperation.

Just shared this with my 19 yo DS and he's having a fit of the giggles.

Absolutely! It's for his benefit too.

Of course he should be doing it - please don't fall into the trap of doing it all for him because there are "bigger battles to fight". I work with someone who's 19 and his mum does EVERYTHING - his laundry, makes his packed lunches, and even drives to work to bring him things he's forgotten.

It takes two minutes to sort laundry and bung it in the machine, it's not exactly a complicated life skill