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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re dd @ sleepover- parent smoking indoors

107 replies

RedLantern · 10/07/2014 21:12

Ds recently went to a sleepover. I have just had to wash a big bag full of clean clothes as they stink of smoke.

AIBU to think that if unworn clothes in an overnight bag smell, then there must have been smoking indoors and not just in garden?

AIBU to be shocked that these educated, professional people smoke in front of their own dc and also guest dc? I just that that was a definite no no these days. Surely everyone knows about passive smoking?!

AIBU to prevent ds going there again. I feel so sorry for his friend :(

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
RedLantern · 10/07/2014 21:14

Sorry thread title should say ds, not dd.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 10/07/2014 21:17

I would have thought once in a while isn't going to hurt him. But yes, it's horrible.

you are absolutely sure the boys weren't experimenting?

LastTango · 10/07/2014 21:18

It must have positively been the smoke den from hell if the smoke has got through an overnight bag to the clothes inside Hmm

Why didn't you check before your ds went?

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 10/07/2014 21:18

I think you are overreacting, yes. My parents were heavy indoor smokers all through my childhood, ditto for many, many people I know. I'm fine. So are they. I'm not saying smoke is harmless, but it's not the end of the world either.

Seriouslyffs · 10/07/2014 21:19

How old is DS?
There might be another explanation...

fluffydoge · 10/07/2014 21:19

They can do what they want in their own house whether your DS is there or not. I don't know how old he is but is it possible that it wasn't the parents who were smoking?

WipsGlitter · 10/07/2014 21:19

If they're smokers, they're smokers. Despite all the info out there, people - even educated, professional people - smoke. If you're not a smoker then you'll notice the smell much more.

MrsHoolie · 10/07/2014 21:20

I wouldn't be happy about this either.
But presumably it was a one off.
I don't anyone who smokes indoors these days.

sonlypuppyfat · 10/07/2014 21:20

There were some nights I couldn't see my mum in our living room through the haze of smoke, gross.

Original poster
RedLantern · 10/07/2014 21:21

Tango, maybe the case was left undone. Would've seemed v odd to ask!

In space, people were less aware of the risks to health then, surely ( re passive smoking).

OP posts:
fluffydoge · 10/07/2014 21:23

How old is your DS?

Bowlersarm · 10/07/2014 21:23

I think you are massively over reacting.

Smoking isn't illegal.

Don't let you DS go there again if you are so righteous about it.

Although surely once in a blue moon won't physically harm him.

MissBeans · 10/07/2014 21:24

Yanbu

FurryDogMother · 10/07/2014 21:27

People may well have been less aware of the risks of smoking back in the day, but the fact remains that a lot of us grew up in houses where our parents smoked all the time (and in the car), and we're still here to tell the tale 50 years later. I don't think one night of exposure to second hand smoke is anything to worry too much about.

littlewhitebag · 10/07/2014 21:28

I go into many houses in the course of my job where the smoke is hanging thick in the air like a cloud with no windows open. It is horrible and i stink when i leave the house even if i am only in for a very short time. I hate it.

However, it's not my place to say whether or not people should smoke in their own homes. It's not illegal and plenty people still do it.

You either suck it up or stop your DC from going to that house in the future.

OnesEnough · 10/07/2014 21:30

Not good is an understatement.

Get his friend over to yours instead.

Sirzy · 10/07/2014 21:31

I am dreading DS being old enough to want to go to friends/for sleepovers because he has severe asthma so it would be an issue for him (and pretty quickly for the parents looking after him). But without any medical issues then as a one off/occasional thing although I wouldn't be happy I wouldn't be massively worried either

iklboo · 10/07/2014 21:32

They might not smoke in front of the children, but in the house when they're not there or in bed. My folks smoke like it's a sponsored event but when DS visits they smoke outside. He reeks when he comes home because it's all over the soft furnishings, carpets, still in the air etc.

We send him in his older clothes now.

BackforGood · 10/07/2014 21:34

Is it just me that's wondering why he took a "big bag full of clean clothes" for a sleepover ? Grin

Surely a sleeping bag, your PJs and toothbrush and a clean pair of socks and pants for the morning would suffice ?

Original poster
RedLantern · 10/07/2014 21:35

Ds is 11. No way it was the dc smoking!

Im just a bit shocked tbh. Not concerned for long term health although my dc have asthma so not great to exposed to this.

Am not used to smoke these days. I probably just mix with too many PC, non smoking lentil weavers, lol! But...It is gross. I will think twice next time.

OP posts:
youlookbeautifultonight · 10/07/2014 21:36

Can I just ask why he would take a big bag of clean clothes to an overnight stay? Surely you just take what you need to wear Confused Am I missing something?

Bowlersarm · 10/07/2014 21:38

BackforGood that's a pair of clean pants, clean socks and a toothbrush too much for my DSes on a sleepover Smile.

Original poster
RedLantern · 10/07/2014 21:39

Ok 'full of clothes' is an exaggeration but I had to wash worn once pjs, hoodie, shorts, jeans, t shirt ( weather was iffy so 2 options went in the bag- odd I agree)

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 10/07/2014 21:39

Pretty unpleasant, I agree; I really don't think smokers realise how bad they and their possessions smell. However, unless he has any underlying health issues which will be exacerbated by passive smoking, I don't think you should ban him from the odd sleepover. But it's your call - I certainly wouldn't think you WBU for not allowing him to stay.

fluffydoge · 10/07/2014 21:40

Year 6 or year 7? Because if the latter it's entirely possible that it was him. Also confused about the big bag of clean clothes - my dc don't even bother taking pyjamas these days Grin