AIBU re dd @ sleepover- parent smoking indoors

[RedLantern]

Ds recently went to a sleepover. I have just had to wash a big bag full of clean clothes as they stink of smoke.

AIBU to think that if unworn clothes in an overnight bag smell, then there must have been smoking indoors and not just in garden?

AIBU to be shocked that these educated, professional people smoke in front of their own dc and also guest dc? I just that that was a definite no no these days. Surely everyone knows about passive smoking?!

AIBU to prevent ds going there again. I feel so sorry for his friend :(

Am I overreacting?

It was not him! When I picked up, The smell in the home was obvious.

Who knows if they also sm

Oops!! Smoked weed and drank copious amounts of alcohol as well.

Maybe had dodgy friends round too.... Who knows? People let their dc 'sleepover' with randoms all the time on MN!

No need to feel sorry for his friend. Could you not invite the friend to stay over with you? I personally wouldn't make a big deal about it (never smoked and nor did my parents/many parents of friends growing up) and I don't think the odd occasion does any harm (unless it's a frequent arrangement you have?). If it's a close friend it might upset DS a bit if he can't go over to his friends house.

Because I know my child. And I know the parents were with them all the time. And I know my dc hate smoking. It's hard to explain but you kinda know when you've got a very innocent/ young for their age type child. The idea is a bit silly really. A bit like saying 8 yo dd might've been smoking.

Sorry x post

Unless someone was actually puffing into the bag the clothes wouldn't smell that bad would they? The smelly stuff must be clothes that had been worn around the house not kept pristine in the bag surely?

I grew up with (professional, educated) parents who smoked - in the house, the car, wherever. Doesn't stop me from thinking it's horrible to smoke inside a house with DC, very selfish and/or ignorant. Smoke if you want to but keep it outside the house. If they don't empty their ashtrays of an evening the smell will really linger.

TBH it seems like a bit of an over-reaction - some people smoke, it's their house, it's not the end of the world. Agree it's annoying if his clothes smell of smoke & you have to wash them, but presumably it wouldn't have bothered you if he'd been outdoors (and therefore wearing lots of layers) by a fire and come home with everything smelling of woodsmoke? (At least I hope not, as we've often entertained visiting children with sausages cooked over a campfire for dinner and I've never imagined any pissed off parents afterwards )

I certainly wouldn't assume that every house dd might go to would be smoke free.

Yanbu

Smoking is disgusting and yes the smell penetrates bags - I would go to my mums for a visit for a couple of hours and everything stank.

Then there's the health issues.

Horrible habit.

I don't think you're over reacting, just discussed with dh based on this thread whether we'd let ds go on a sleepover where parents smoked inside the house and we both said no. Neither of us are sure how we'd explain it to the parents though as obviously they can do exactly as they like in their own house!

YANBU. Smokers are oblivious to the fact that they stink and also make other people stink. My DCs cannot believe that smoking was one allowed on public transport, cinemas, planes and in restaurants. Despite never having even tried smoking, I must have spent a good part of my lift absolutely stinking of smoke. Yuk.

When we visit PIL, they very kindly take their smoking outside, and MIL is a clean freak so the house is always spotless.

We still come home with everything (bags, bag contents, buggy, car seat etc) reeking of fags. It is so obvious once in our car or house.

We wouldn't take DC if PIL smoked inside. Yanbu.

Yanbu. Cigarette smoke is horrible.

Ds had one good friend at primary whose mother smoked. I didn't let him go to theirs to play. We had the friend to ours instead but having his coat hung up in our hallway did used to stink our house out for days.

RedLantern - I think you are overreacting.

Don't let him go there again. Problem solved.

Yanbu and at age 11 my dc wouldn't be going again. Bleughh.

Just a thought but have you ever sniffed a black bin bag? - Some of them reek of chemicals which smell exactly like nicotine!

On eBay forums people are forever complaining that clothes received wrapped in bin bags smell of smoke. Go on, have a sniff, as this may well be the answer.

BackforGood that's a pair of clean pants, clean socks and a toothbrush too much for my DSes on a sleepover

Haha, my 15 year old ds takes nothing but his x-box controller and a couple of games!!!!

If people choose to smoke in their own house then that's up to them, their house their choice. OP if you are not happy about letting your ds go there again then don't let him go, simple.

Yeah, I wouldn't let DD go over to a smoker's house if they smoked inside. It's just not something I'd want her exposed to at a young age while he lungs are still developing.

But more immediately, I hate the smell. I wouldn't want their stuff smelling like cigs.

I can tell whose parents are heavy smokers in the house from the smell of their child's Maths homework book . I wouldn't be keen even for my teens to stay in a house of heavy smokers.

No way will my dds be staying in a smoking household. The smell definitely does get on to absolutely everything, very quickly. I have popped into my uncle's for 5-10 mins before (heavy smoker) and been able to still smell smoke on myself at the end of the day.

It is a disgusting, hazardous habit. What people want to do in their own homes is indeed up to them, but it's something I will be checking stringently (dd with respiratory problems) and it will affect what invitations can be accepted.

All DH's family smoke, and it makes me sad that we can't go and stay with them,, or even be around them much - such is there inability to stop lighting up for any period of time.

It's not ideal but I wouldnt ban the friendship or stop them going over there. I dont see it being a problem as a once a fortnight/ month occasion, especially if the parents and child are otherwise nice and your DS hasnt himself complained about the smoking (unsolicited)