AIBU re dd @ sleepover- parent smoking indoors

[RedLantern]

Ds recently went to a sleepover. I have just had to wash a big bag full of clean clothes as they stink of smoke.

AIBU to think that if unworn clothes in an overnight bag smell, then there must have been smoking indoors and not just in garden?

AIBU to be shocked that these educated, professional people smoke in front of their own dc and also guest dc? I just that that was a definite no no these days. Surely everyone knows about passive smoking?!

AIBU to prevent ds going there again. I feel so sorry for his friend :(

Am I overreacting?

I smoke, but never ever in the house. Our house doesn't smell, my clothes don't smell... I know this as I have a husband with a fine nose who'd complain out loud if this was the case... plus I hate the smell of cold smoke (thats whats the smell of the clothes... it comes from 'standing' smoke in the house). My husbands ex however smokes in the house, though I trust not in front of DSD. But every time she comes back from contact the bag she was taking absolutely reeks of it. (and yes, even as I smoker I can smell this)

I'm not smug about my 12 year old not smoking so much as I am certain about him not smoking.

You follow them 24/7 then do you?

Those saying its the ds, I don't think that dc's experimenting with a cigarette would cause all clothes in a bag to smell of it!! That is caused by people that smoke indoors, and the smell is horrible. Everytime I come back from a visit to my mum I take all my clothes off and get in the shower- even my hair stinks.
YANBU OP. but you will always get people saying you are ridiculous and precious if you worry about passive smoking. Despite the fact that its a proven health risk.

So the facts are that the parents smoke, that you can smell it as you of in the house BUT of course it MUST be the 11 year olds smoking

Just becasue you tried smoking at 11, doesn't mean every other child is.

So the facts are that the parents smoke, that you can smell it as you of in the house BUT of course it MUST be the 11 year olds smoking

I don't think that it what people are saying, it was just an option and that people sometimes blindly believe that it not something that their DC would ever do.

I don't need to follow my 12 year old 24/7 to know he doesn't smoke. The idea is just ludicrous.

OP, you are not over reacting. There is NO way in hell I'd let my child back to that house. I suppose you should have checked first but I think it's an easy mistake to make to presume that people don't smoke inside their houses anymore. Out of interest what did your child think? As a child I would have rung my parents to get me out once I realised they smoked inside!

YABU to feel sad for the other child

I disagree with this. I feel 100% sorry for the poor little bugger who has such selfish, minging parents.

"So the facts are that the parents smoke, that you can smell it as you of in the house BUT of course it MUST be the 11 year olds smoking"

Nobody said anything ng of the sort- it was just a suggestion!

And for people saying "no way in Hell" etc- are you really saying that this would be a deal breaker for a child's friendship? What harm could one night do? Smoke is disgusting- but would I let my child be left out because of it? Nope. Clothes wash.

"I don't need to follow my 12 year old 24/7 to know he doesn't smoke. The idea is just ludicrous."

I am 99% sure my 13 year old doesn't either. But be very careful of being 100% sure about anything to do with children - it can come back and bite you in the bum.

My mum has not smoked for 3 years and her whole house has been redecorated in that time but when we go there I still have to wash even unworn clothes when we get home as they smell of smoke and it is not noticeable when we are actually there.

Never...I think there must be something else you're smelling tbh.

NO smoking inside for 3 years, plus complete redecoration...i'd find it highly unlikely that smoke would linger that long, even through redecoration

I am 99% sure my 13 year old doesn't either. But be very careful of being 100% sure about anything to do with children - it can come back and bite you in the bum.

Well, careful about the reverse of that. My parents were convinced I was experimenting with drugs when I never even tried a cigarette.

I would assume them innocent until proven guilty. It's not fun being accused of something you didn't do. I didn't start really rebelling until I was accused of doing so. I figured if I was going to be blamed for something I didn't do, I might as well just do the crime to fit the punishment I was getting.

"Well, careful about the reverse of that. My parents were convinced I was experimenting with drugs when I never even tried a cigarette.

I would assume them innocent until proven guilty. It's not fun being accused of something you didn't do. I didn't start really rebelling until I was accused of doing so. I figured if I was going to be blamed for something I didn't do, I might as well just do the crime to fit the punishment I was getting."

Well obviously. But just be aware, that's all. That's why I said be ready for the 1%.

Smoking is not a "lifestyle choice". It's a powerful addiction. A really tough one to beat.
I wouldn't be comfortable sending ds to a smokey house. Who smokes indoors with kids anymore anyway? Seems amazing that people think it's acceptable behaviour. I used to smoke and inflicted it on the people around me but it seems an outrageous thing to do now 12 years later and especially around kids. YANBU OP.

I agree, smoking is not a lifestyle choice... But smoking indoors IS a lifestyle choice.

NO smoking inside for 3 years, plus complete redecoration...i'd find it highly unlikely that smoke would linger that long, even through redecoration

I think you've never been to a really heavily smoke damaged house. My mum smoked indoors all day every day for 15 years all over her house. You went in for literally 10 minutes, you would come out stinking. The smell made me sick AS A FELLOW SMOKER. It doesn't matter how many coats of paint you stick on those walls, the smoke is so ingrained it will take at least another 15 years to get rid.

I grew up in a household of heavy smokers and I'm still here.
One night is hardly going to hurt them - despite all the scaremongering about passive smoking.

Not saying that passive smoking is a good thing - but a one off will do no harm to Ds.
You are over reacting.

I don't need to follow my 12 year old 24/7 to know he doesn't smoke. The idea is just ludicrous.

No it's not.

As others have said you can not ever be 100% sure of anything like that.

No you can't be 100% sure of anything, but 99% would be ok for me.

I'd bet my house on my 12 year olds not having tried smoking. They were still into riding bikes, trying nail varnish and watching Disney movies at that age. They did tell me about smokers at their school, who were usually 15/16 and my DDs just thought they were pathetic idiots who were wasting money.

AnyoneForTennis you sound rather paranoid and neurotic tbh.

My dm smokes (but does it at the back door when the dc are there). However everything (including the child) still comes back smelling of smoke.

I remember when I was a kid getting a new apple shampoo, and after using it saying to a friend at school "Smell my hair, does it smell of apples?", and she said "No, it smells of smoke". Bummer!

MY mum hates smoking. Id go to my friends every weekend and come back smelling of smoke as my friends mom smoked. She never stopped me going though, like i would never stop my child going either, not for one night.

"I'd bet my house on my 12 year olds not having tried smoking. They were still into riding bikes, trying nail varnish and watching Disney movies at that age."

Not mutually exclusive. I've seen many kids from my ds's year 8 class smoking in public- and while I am as sure as I can be that he doesn't, I wouldn't bet anything on it. Sadly.

margot no, neither paranoid or neurotic thanks.... However, I still think sleepovers can go wrong and kids can be exposed to alsorts

Isn't there a high profile case ATM where a man abused his daughters friend.... Whilst staying with them? Pointing out smoking could be the least of your worries, especially with most childhood assaults taking place by family members in the home! MN seems to love sending kids off on sleepovers. A bit of smoke is nothing really...

I'm surprised at the attitudes of some posters on here, probably smokers themselves I'd hazard a guess, cigarette smoke STINKS. Aside from the obvious health dangers, the smell penetrates everything. I remember when I first started going out to pubs and clubs before the ban came in and I'd stink when I'd get home. The smell would be everywhere, my hair and clothes and it would linger up my nostrils for ages, the next morning I'd have a horribly tight chest and that was only from standing close to smokers.

I can still remember my grandparents house, my Nana was very heavy smoker, they never opened the windows even in the summer and their living room was like stepping into a fog. Also everything was yellow from the nicotine, the walls, the ceilings, the window sills, the curtains, the carpet. We only really noticed it after she died, my grandad had long since given up and he had to have the house decorated from top to bottom. Her smoking indoors had stained everything!

I know a few smokers and I know that none of them smoke indoors. I think it's highly irresponsible around children anyway, where is their common sense?

Its amazing how much smoke permeates. Relations used to smoke in their house but never when they had company. However my clothes would always stink as it had permeated sofas and floor