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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a playdate to mean playing not staring at a screen

175 replies

PhoebeMcPeePee · 19/02/2014 19:19

My DC were at friends for tea today for a total of 3 hours & bar a short break for tea spent the entire time playing on a DS/iPad/laptop or watching TV Confused
AIBU to think if you invite a child over to play there should be at least some (if not all in the case of youngest age 4) actually playing Hmm. Both now completely wired & grumpy not to mention annoyed at me because I won't let them watch some tv as agreed earlier in the day. Would it be really rude to ask a parent not to allow screen time when I drop off?

OP posts:
StarGazeyPond · 19/02/2014 19:21

Did the playdate parent tell you this? Or did your DC? Are you absolutely SURE it is the truth - or the truth as your DC see it?

mercibucket · 19/02/2014 19:22

it would be really rude yes

mrsravelstein · 19/02/2014 19:22

yes really rude.

justmyview · 19/02/2014 19:22

I think it would be very rude to ask someone to turn off TV while your children are in their house. Pity if children didn't get opportunity to play imaginative games etc, but their house their rules?

Original poster
PhoebeMcPeePee · 19/02/2014 19:22

No parent told me (didn't hear a peep from them they've been playing on x, y or z) & DC confirmed it.

OP posts:
pancakesfortea · 19/02/2014 19:22

Yes it would I think. It's their house their rules I would say.

WorraLiberty · 19/02/2014 19:23

Yes it would be rude imo

They're only there to play for a while and if they are happy to to play in that way, you don't really get to dictate.

When you invite them to yours, then you get to choose how they play.

WooWooOwl · 19/02/2014 19:23

Yes, it would be rude to ask a parent not to allow screen time. Just decline any future invitations if you're going to worry about it.

lookdeepintotheparka · 19/02/2014 19:24

Hmmm - my DS would be seriously annoyed if I said no screen time during his playdates but maybe yours are different less obsessed than mine!

Tbh most of my son's friends spend most of the playdate in front of a screen in some way although they usually do also play outside (depending on weather) and some are better at setting up imaginative play than others..

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 19/02/2014 19:24

How would you take it if the parent asked you to have the TV on for the child for the duration of the time they were in your home?

Stinklebell · 19/02/2014 19:25

Yes, it would.

If you don't like their rules then just decline any further invitations. When you invite them back to yours, you get to decide what they do

AgaPanthers · 19/02/2014 19:26

You should be grateful that people are taking your children. Don't like their activity program, don't allow them back.

Biscuitsneeded · 19/02/2014 19:28

It's February, not the best weather for playing outdoors. The playdate was three hours out of a whole day. If they were all 4 years old, then yes, I might have been a bit surprised, but I assume the other children are older. My 9 year old has playdates where they eat, speak and breathe Minecraft. It's his passion. And that's what he and his friend want to do when they spend time together. I wouldn't necessarily let mine be in front of a screen for 3 hours at home on a normal day, but if that's how they want to spend a play date I would have no problem with that!

Levantine · 19/02/2014 19:28

I wouldn't like that either, but you can't say anything. Just don't send them again/ as often

Stinklebell · 19/02/2014 19:30

And I've had a house full of other peoples children today, all equipped with laptops or tablets for some sort of marathon Minecraft session. I've fed them, supplied drinks and snacks

If a parent complained that I let them spend too long staring at a screen, it would be the last time their child came to my house

CoffeeTea103 · 19/02/2014 19:31

You know when we had play dates younger we were just left to it, parents were not behind us every second trying to entertain us. Yabu don't send them over and then complain about it when it doesn't suit you.

SnowBells · 19/02/2014 19:33

A lot of 'playing' now is on iPad, Playstation, etc. Bad weather for going out. A long time ago, we may have played board games. But isn't that now the equivalent of playing on these various devices???

Ifcatshadthumbs · 19/02/2014 19:34

I would snurk at anyone who used the words "screen time" in real life and probably not invite the kids again. It's almost as annoying as people who are horrified their children have been given chicken nuggets and chips and ice cream for tea when at other people's houses. Lighten up

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 19/02/2014 19:36

you'll live. Your kids will live. And you would bvu

cheminotte · 19/02/2014 19:36

You probably can't say anything but I would be pissed off too. We had a friend over today for about 5 hours. They were mostly outside and just had 1/2 an hour of a dvd. They actually had water pistol fight for a while. It may be February but its about 10 degrees. If dc ask to watch tv when friends visiting I usually refuse unless just before tea.

gordyslovesheep · 19/02/2014 19:49

yabu - hate the term 'play date' for starters! They where at their friends house - without you, while friends mum looked after them - they where very unlikely to have been forced at gun point to sit and play on the Ipad or watch TV - they chose to. Maybe they chose to because of the novelty of being allowed the freedom to do so - I know our friends, when growing up, who's mum banned TV spent every visit watching the thing!

if you are that concerned go with them next time and watch them yourself - or have them round to yours

WorraLiberty · 19/02/2014 19:50

Yeah but that's you cheminotte choosing what goes on in your house

It's totally different to wanting to dictate to another adult.

nova1111 · 19/02/2014 19:52

I wouldn't mind tbh. Particularly if they'd just come home from school. I'm happy for mine to do what they like when a friend comes round - as long as they both want to do it and are interacting.

Original poster
PhoebeMcPeePee · 19/02/2014 19:56

I'm definitely not precious about what they eat when out & in this weather expect a bit of tv/minecraft etc but just find it really annoying that I've sent them off for a play when I could have kept then at home & stuck the tv on all afternoon.

Ok so consensus is it's rude to dictate what goes on in someone else's home so I'll definitely keep my trap shut but I do find it quite sad that they can't play together with an electronic device Hmm (& yes given the choice my DC would do just that all day long but I limit it & they find other things to do that require imagination, social interaction, physical exertion etc)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/02/2014 20:01

& yes given the choice my DC would do just that all day long

Then it's lovely that were were actually given a choice, and were able to do what they chose for less than 3 hours.

I'm sure any damage to their social skills and imagination is not irreparable.

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