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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a playdate to mean playing not staring at a screen

175 replies

PhoebeMcPeePee · 19/02/2014 19:19

My DC were at friends for tea today for a total of 3 hours & bar a short break for tea spent the entire time playing on a DS/iPad/laptop or watching TV Confused
AIBU to think if you invite a child over to play there should be at least some (if not all in the case of youngest age 4) actually playing Hmm. Both now completely wired & grumpy not to mention annoyed at me because I won't let them watch some tv as agreed earlier in the day. Would it be really rude to ask a parent not to allow screen time when I drop off?

OP posts:
JupiterGentlefly · 19/02/2014 21:18

I wish I had the energy of some of you to limit their 'screentime'!
I'm bloody knackered.
Pheobe you sound saintly and smug. I am sure you are not.

KingR0llo · 19/02/2014 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannabestressfree · 19/02/2014 21:38

Sometimes this place is so full of sanctimonious twaddle.....
I would post more but I am just going to break it to my son (16) that I will be strong arming his hdmi cable off him when his friends are round tomorrow so we can go puddle jumping.....
Bollocks

fuzzle · 19/02/2014 22:13

Isn't the whole point of "playdates" that it's more fun than your own house and that if you are the host that you can do stuff you normally aren't allowed to as you have a guest? I think it also shows kids that other ppl have different rules and eat different stuff to you e.g at X's house we can watch tv if we like but we can't have any biscuits and at Y's house they have a basketball hoop so we play basketball and get cake after.

JupiterGentlefly · 20/02/2014 18:53

Ooh KingRollo I have an urge for a cheese crispy pancake.. I really do. Even if it does blister my mouth. Do they stilll make them?

formerbabe · 20/02/2014 19:01

I ban 'screens' on a play date...I find it so sad to see kids sitting next to each other all staring at individual screens and not interacting.

cansu · 20/02/2014 19:06

FFS Please find something real to be upset about! Children play on ipad for three hours! Oh no, maybe they will be less intelligent and rounded because of this. Honestly you could only see this on mumsnet. Please don't say anything to the other parent. Your child will not be invited to other peoples houses if you start acting like a loon.

eeetheygrowupsofast · 20/02/2014 19:09

I'm not a fan of constant screens but my kids are allowed to play X box/You Tube if friends come round, and at the weekends.

I feel like I largely kept them off screens for the first 8/9 years of their lives, I'm not going to stop them doing what all their friends are doing now.

I do actually think it's a shame if very young children aren't playing together on a play date for at least an hour out of three! If you turn the telly off they will find a game to play within about 20 seconds.

But yes it would rude to tell another parent what they should or shouldn't do on a playdate...it won't harm your children for one afternoon.

soundedbetterinmyhead · 20/02/2014 19:10

I ban 'screens' too formerbabe as this does not allow for interaction between playmates. However, this is rectified by using only one 'screen', usually TV and saying that whoever can find then, crucially, keep hold of the remote is in charge of what is watched. Put on the radio and sit back and watch as children turn the room upside down looking for remote, then bash seven bells out of each other for possession once it is found. Larks!

madhairday · 20/02/2014 19:11

Oh dear. DS has just had his friend over since lunchtime.

They have played Minecraft on the PC, iPod and Xbox. Bad mummy alert

and they had hot dog and chips for tea

But they are 9/10. At 4 I'd not be so happy. At this age - it's what they love doing. They crafted all sorts of creative things and killed pigs together. I am fairly strict on screen time, but with mates over I am very relaxed about it - they are having fun.

MissyO · 20/02/2014 19:23

Am I th only one to understand how jumping into a puddle is more 'worthy' and 'improving' than playing on consoles which does at least require some thought.

Panzee · 20/02/2014 19:38

It's worthy because I did it when I were a lad and it never did me any harm (apart from the time that girl fell in the sinkhole). If they'd had the XBox when I were a lad then it would be fine now.

ShatnersBassoon · 20/02/2014 19:55

Good god, is puddle jumping actually an activity, separate from walking when it's been raining?! Brilliant for the parenting CV that one.

Modern parenting equilibrium has occurred today for us. Public transport trip to weird local museum this morning, Minecraft this afternoon.

I honestly don't care what my kids do at friends' houses, as long as they're safe and remember to be polite to the grown ups.

KingR0llo · 20/02/2014 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShatnersBassoon · 20/02/2014 19:58

Nice to know I've never got to that point.

Cat98 · 20/02/2014 20:15

YANBU to be a bit miffed, op. But something you need to let go, would be v rude to say anything.

RonaldMcDonald · 20/02/2014 20:27

God I hate other people's children and play dates

That is all

Swanhildapirouetting · 20/02/2014 20:33

I remember feeling just like you OP. YANBU, to feel this way. However, I don't think you can say anything. All you can do is vote with your feet.

TBH my children found it boring if they went round to someone's house and all they did was watch tv and nothing else. And didn't really want to go there again. I think if the children were interacting at the same time as watching a screen that made a big difference. So sitting watching a DVD and chatting about it, or chatting whilst you play Wii is quite different from five year olds just glued to a screen ignoring each other.

I once asked one of ds's friends if he wanted to come to the cinema with us and his father said, Sad he is sick of watching screens, can he do something like go to the park with you instead? He did nothing except watch telly when he was at home, and that father wanted ME to liven his day up with a bit of fresh air Shock Angry

I remember at 11 going round to my friend's house in the 70's after school. We always watched children's television programmes, and then we went and did other stuff. It was a balance.

Fannydabbydozey · 20/02/2014 20:33

I don't get all sniffy about screen time with my kids and they don't actually abuse it. I'm of the opinion that if you make something BAD and UNWORTHY and TERRIBLE when it's just the tv or a bloody game then you make it terribly attractive and therefore more coveted.

My daughters iPod touch has been in my bedroom for the last two days, forgotten. She can use it whenever she wants. She's yet to turn into a screen obsessed automaton. My son lives it more but will also happily read for hours. If their mates come round then they crack open the wii or the xbox and have fun. Sometimes they - shock horror - play just dance and get all sweaty and giggly. They are 8 and 10 and seem to be developing nicely. If someone told me what to do with their kids when they dropped them off for a play date I'd give them an invoice for childminding.

Board games... For xmas no? Otherwise they pale in comparison to dancing to Rihanna's Umbrella with an actual umbrella. Or having your half Indian husband and mum do Bollywood dancing as seen on no movie ever (can you tell Just Dance is one of my favourite things ever?)

TheScience · 20/02/2014 20:39

Does it matter? You got your own kids off your hands for 3 hours, no harm came to them, where's the problem?

tyaca · 20/02/2014 20:46

Y are all BU to use the phrase playdate.

it's just having kids round to your house. nothing big, nothing clever, just kids being kids in other peoples' houses. no entertainment required. no freaking playing required.

mathanxiety · 20/02/2014 21:15

Children have done this at my house and my DCs have done this at the homes of others.

I am not bothered by children watching tv for long stretches, or playing games as long as they are suitable for their ages. We got great value from fantastic games like Oregon Trail and Monkey Island (ages ago) and many others since.

MisForMumNotMaid · 20/02/2014 21:27

Are you sure the other mum isn't going to start a thread...Had children over on a play date today and they didn't want to play with my pfb, all they did was hog the IPad/ Ds and watch TV because mummy doesn't let them at home.

One of the DC that I know and have contact with is an absolute technology limpet. Home is all stimulating, structured nurture and a big routine of extra curricular activities, which is great, but she just loves to get her hands on a tablet or stare at cbeebies for an hour or three.

RussianBlu · 20/02/2014 23:20

The way I see it is that you have had 3 or 4 hours of free time while someone kindly had your children and fed them. So what if they spent all their time on the Ipad? They may well have returned home in a bad mood if the children had spent all their time kicking each other in the garden or rugby tackling each other in the living room.

WhoWasThatMaskedWoman · 20/02/2014 23:24

"Having kids round to your house" = 7 syllables
"Playdate" = 2
Naff terminology, I grant you, but efficient.

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