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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my daughters they are pretty?

160 replies

Sleepingugliness · 12/01/2014 19:32

Do you believe, like me, that they will grow up thinking looks matter because thats the world we live in, and I'll be damned if i'm not going to try to protect them from all that hell and make them believe in their own beauty. Cameran diaz has written something on the subject and says we shouldnt tell young girls they are pretty because it reinforces the notion their worth is defined by their looks. I agree we should praise young girls for other stuff too but I know I will tell my daughters they are beautiful, not least because they absolutely are and always will be.

OP posts:

formerbabe · 12/01/2014 19:33

Always tell them they are beautiful...the higher their self esteem with regards to their looks, the less likely they will be to stay with loser blokes when they are older.

Crowler · 12/01/2014 19:34

I don't have daughters but if I did I'd surely tell them they were beautiful. It sounds a bit hysterical to do otherwise on principle.

CocktailQueen · 12/01/2014 19:34

No! Tell them they are beautiful, but also praise their other good points too. High self esteem is a good thing!

CHJR · 12/01/2014 19:35

Well, are they pretty, objectively? no mother can be objective.

I tell my sons they are beautiful, and my daughter she is clever and hard-working, and vice-versa too. My husband should say more often how good I look, though I am not gorgeous -- but he should love me enough to think so or at least say so!

Original poster

Sleepingugliness · 12/01/2014 19:35

I'm with you formerbabe. I'll be telling my son the same too thing.

OP posts:

GrumpyRedhead · 12/01/2014 19:36

I tell my daughter she is beautiful and I tell my sons they're gorgeous. It's the truth :)

AShowerOfBastards · 12/01/2014 19:36

Couldn't agree more, self esteem is what counts and you're not just saying "you're pretty and that's all that matters" you are helping to build their sense of confidence in themselves, and praising them for both inner and outer beauty.

I tell my girls they are beautiful every day because they absolutely are.

Original poster

Sleepingugliness · 12/01/2014 19:36

Wow, a lot of replies! Thanks for the thoughts.

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 12/01/2014 19:36

YANBU.

Mikkii · 12/01/2014 19:36

I always tell my daughters they are beautiful, it is true (although it will be more true when DD1 isn't missing her two top fron teeth!)

MammaTJ · 12/01/2014 19:37

I tell my DDs they are beautiful, I also tell them they are smart and clever and funny and kind.

I tell DD1 she has a big bum, and DD2 that she needs to calm down a lot bit too.

They know their younger brother has a small thing that makes him look a bit 'odd' to some, so know better than to judge themselves and others on look alone. I do tell him he is handsome though, because he is.

NewBlueCoat · 12/01/2014 19:37

Is it ok if I tell me dds they are beautiful if I also tell my ds he is beautiful?

I do tell my dds they are beautiful, but also clever and funny and kind and cheeky and, oh the list is endless (because my children are just wonderful, obviously )

I think if I only fixated on the beautiful part ten it could be a problem, but there is more to th than their looks, so I praise it all (and same for ds)

AnythingNotEverything · 12/01/2014 19:38

I think it's ok. I prefer beautiful to pretty, but pretty fades and beauty or attractiveness lasts forever.

I also think it's important to also tell them they are strong and clever and funny and imaginative etc etc.

If you only emphasise "pretty" they have nothing else to build on.

SinisterSal · 12/01/2014 19:38

As long as you tell them they're clever, brave, kind etc just as often or even more often. That's what I'm aiming for. Other relatives are always praising their looks so I try to redress the balance with their other qualities.

Crowler · 12/01/2014 19:38

Yes, I tell my sons all the time how gorgeous they are. They are! So cute!

FrauMoose · 12/01/2014 19:38

I'll say stuff like 'that colour suits you.' Or 'your hair looks good like that.'

But not anything more than that. (She's 16.) On the other hand she seems pleased if I do dish out that sort of feedback.

She will ask me sometimes if a particular garment looks okay. So I suppose I feel comfortable talking about aspects of appearance, fashion etc.

Bluestocking · 12/01/2014 19:39

Of course you should tell your daughters they're beautiful, as well as wonderful in lots of other ways. Everyone deserves to feel that their parents think they are the best thing since sliced bread in every way. And as most of us aren't beautiful, it's particularly important that our parents, partners and children think we are and tell us so regularly!

domoarigato · 12/01/2014 19:39

Cameron Diaz is a moron.

SecretRed · 12/01/2014 19:39

Surely the main reason Cameron Diaz is where she is today is mainly due to her looks though?

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/01/2014 19:40

Have you read this. I think she makes a few good points. There is nothing wrong with telling little girls they are pretty, as long as hard-working, brave, strong, kind etc. etc. get into the mix as well. So often, however, pretty or cute is ALL little girls hear. Certainly it is the FIRST thing they hear. That is an issue.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 12/01/2014 19:40

Absolutely tell your DD she is beautiful. Beauty may not count for much ultimately, but self esteem certainly matters.

I also tell my teenage DSs that they are gorgeous - although they think me mad for doing so ??.

Only1scoop · 12/01/2014 19:42

I always tell my dd she is beautiful inside and out.

RubyGoat · 12/01/2014 19:42

Tell them they are beautiful, pretty, clever, smart, fortunate, & that they can do pretty much anything if they work hard enough. We tell our DD she is beautiful every day, we have done pretty much every day since she was born. It's rubbish to think that looks don't matter, even if it's just in a minor way. I'm very plain, I know that. It hasn't ruined my life! But I do know that I would feel better about myself if my parents had bothered to make me feel better about my appearance when I was younger. I'd be more confident & probably got a lot further in life.

KatyMac · 12/01/2014 19:42

DD & I have always had an argument about the fact I don't think she is pretty

I have always maintained she is drop dead gorgeous!! (photos on profile) & that pretty is such an understatement for her

Dromedary · 12/01/2014 19:47

So is the consensus that you should tell your DD that she is pretty even if she is not pretty?
I tell my DD2 that she is a beautiful little girl, and DD1 the complains that her sister isn't beautiful, and that I'm only saying that because I'm her mum. There's some truth in that, but does it matter?

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