To tell my daughters they are pretty?

[Sleepingugliness]

Do you believe, like me, that they will grow up thinking looks matter because thats the world we live in, and I'll be damned if i'm not going to try to protect them from all that hell and make them believe in their own beauty. Cameran diaz has written something on the subject and says we shouldnt tell young girls they are pretty because it reinforces the notion their worth is defined by their looks. I agree we should praise young girls for other stuff too but I know I will tell my daughters they are beautiful, not least because they absolutely are and always will be.

I think 'beautiful' covers way more than looks, it implies personality and general aura too.
Pretty sounds a bit twee, tbh. I wouldn't call my DD (if I had one)pretty except rarely.

I think there are more important things to tell children than how fabulous they are for something that, lets face it, they can't change.

Praising effort, yes, even other skills that they have, especially those they've worked hard on, even if they have a natural talent too, that has made it for easy for them.

But to praise all the time for how they look, which can not be altered much apart from by preening themselves/slapping on the makeup to hide what they really look like, seems daft to me. But then I don't set much store on looks.

I especially don't like it when people tell girls they are gorgeous/beautiful/pretty but wouldn't dream of saying similar to their brother, telling them they are clever, strong, funny etc. Sadly there are people like this!

In my opinion, all that praising looks does is make them think that looks are important and that others should be judged/valued on how they look, to the exclusion of other qualities (which I personally view as more important- e.g. personality, kindness, thoughtfulness etc.)

This is not to say that I don't think compliments are appropriate e.g. 'your hair looks lovely like that' or 'that colour really suits you' or 'those new trousers look great on you'. It is just the unqualified 'ohhhh you are soooo beautiful' that I don't see the point of.

My DS is 5, I tell him everyday how gorgeous he is, I also tell him everyday how clever I think he is and how proud of him I am.
As long as the focus isn't only on how pretty they are then I don't see the problem tbh

*Seriously. What exactly is the problem with a young girl growing up thinking she's beautiful when in fact she is objectively not?

I can't see the problem*

There isn't a problem because she will be beautiful to someone - every pan has its lid and all that.

I think it's better to believe you're more beautiful than you are than to have such low self esteem you never believe anyone who compliments you.

I tell my dd she is beautiful. I also tell her she is resilient, strong, hilarious, feisty and a whole host of other things. It's about balance surely?

I often compliment my children and tell me that they make me very happy.

However, I can see the pitfalls of telling a child she is pretty as a child I was told this frequently, not just by my parents. I never thought I had anything else going for me. I'd say I'm the better side of average but nothing incredible and wish I had worked harder at school and university.

People always stop me in the street to comment on my DD's amazing eyes. I want her to know she is pretty but want to encourage achievement based on performance rather than looks. DH always jokes she will have her own hedge-fund!

Cameron is a daft mare and a dick head.

I tell my sons and daughters they are beautiful, clever and talented every day. inside and out.

build up the self esteem and make them value themselves and in turn expect to be valued and cherished.

I am good-looking (so no problems with esteem on that front then) but have history with blokes that undervalue me and minimise my feelings. My mother never told me I was pretty but I was. It's all a bit more complicated than "telling your daughter she's pretty" or not.

There's something wrong with this whole thing but I can't put my finger on it!

The most obvious thing is that telling children they are beautiful doesn't automatically given them self-esteem at all, otherwise given all the praise which children receive more than ever, we wouldn't have the rise in problems with teenage girls (anorexia, bulimia, self-harm, general low self-esteem). Not praising them, when it is conventional to do so, is undoubtedly bad though.

Raising girls by Steve Biddluph is quite irritatingly written, but I like what he has to say about girls having other adults (e.g. aunts, Guide leaders, a teacher) who value them and their personalities and achievements.

I always tell my girls they are beautiful because they are, and my son is gorgeous too, so there!
I have low self esteem regarding my looks, now 43 and finally realising I'm not that bad, wish I had realised that when I was younger, I am not having my girls(or my son) ever think they are ugly, as someone said earlier everyone is beautiful to someone.

my kids all know they are super smart so no probs there with self esteem, I just dont want them to look in a mirror and think they are not OK.

I was never told I was pretty when growing up, only "nice and round" which isn't what you want to hear regardless of age. Kids know very early that society expects certain things when it comes to looks. Tell your kids they are amazing and beautiful, whether its due to efforts they have made or just because you think so. It can never harm them, only do good :)

I tell my dd and my 4 ds all the time that they look great, handsome, glowing, all shiny and clean, sparkly, suit that colour etc. I don't see Anything wrong with complimenting them. As I child my parents always had me believe I was gorgeous. Which is probably why I was so picky when it came to boys. Not a bad thing really as I've never been treated badly by the opposite sex or even shed a tear over a boy/man

I tell my DD she is beautiful and I rell my DSs that they are gorgeous.

or is it other way round?

I also tell them that they are smart and funny and kind and caring and they give the best kisses and hugs and that I love them soooo much.
and that they make me happy.

or if they are being horrid or selfish or lazy or messy or disobedient I tell them that too.
and that sonetimes they make me sad or angry.

I honestly don't care what reasons anybody has for saying/not saying things.

I say what I think and what I feel, because that's who I am.
and I kiss and hug them and I tell them that I love them all the time.

*tell

not rell.

I don't see a problem with this. It's when you take it further telling them they are a princess and will marry a handsome
Prince when they are older! Setting them up for disappointment!!!

OP back! What I know from my own experience is that my parents never even mentioned my looks. However, i was bullied at school when I was nine and told i was fat and ugly. Consequently, as this came just as i was forming an opinion on how I looked, which was not based on what my loving parents might have told me, I believed i was fat until I met my husband. Over the course of many years he managed to convince me otherwise, but that first impression I gained of how I looked was the one that stuck. I also wanted to say that i agree with posters saying that most people are beautiful to someone. i would go further and say i see beauty in most people I know, and it is such a shame that that isnt recognised, and that beauty culturally has such narrow parameters. But anyway, I know I see it.

I also tell my children they are clever, and brave, and kind, and wonderful. And i say it because i mean it.

Society is the bully that will tell our children they aren't good enough.

I tell my daughter she is beautiful. I also tell her that that is the least interesting thing about her. I don't love her because she is beautiful, I love her because she is who she is-brave, kind, fierce, proud, warm, loving, gentle, strong...you get the idea:)

Thats a good way of putting it. I might borrow that one off you.

I tell my daughter everyday how gorgeous she is, because to me she is. Not just to look at (I know everyone would say that about their own child and all mums are biased) not only on the outside but her personality is gorgeous too far far more important than looks.
I tell her all the time how much I love her I think it's because my mum never said that to me. Don't get me wrong she was a good mum and I knew she loved or rather loves me, but she's just not you're sentimental type xxx

I praise ds's thoughtfulness and kindness. He is very good looking and that seems to affect how other people behave towards him (if he were an adult I would say that some people fawn over him, which I always find really odd). I hope he continues to be the way he is without the arrogance that some very good looking people seem to have.

I tell my son he is gorgeous but in the same breath tell him that it's only a temporary bonus and it isn't enough to get him through life. I make sure that beauty is ranked fairly low on our list of desirable attributes, but tell him he possesses it nonetheless.