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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to think its fucking cruel...

109 replies

chirpchirp · 26/11/2013 12:33

To make a woman who is miscarrying and attempting to hold it together sit in a waiting room for over an hour surrounded by happy pregnant, bump rubbing women?

I probably am as I'm emotionally drained and haven't slept properly since I started bleeding on Sunday. I've been sent for a scan to confirm what I already know, I'm here on my own as DH can't afford to take time off work and my only friend who knows is looking after DS so I didn't have to bring him with me. My appointment was over an hour ago, apparently they are running late as it's a junior doctor but that's all they can tell me not how much longer I'll be here for.

There must be other women going through what I am, could they not gives us all appointments in the morning or at the end of the day so we can all sit here close to tears together rather than hearing the (understandable) excited giggle of women who aren't going through hell?

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 26/11/2013 12:36

YANBU. That's awful for you. :(

mrsjay · 26/11/2013 12:38

Yanbu I think they could have had you in at another time so insensitive take care of yourself Sad

pudcat · 26/11/2013 12:38

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I hope you get seen soon and can go home to your lovely family.

HomeHelpMeGawd · 26/11/2013 12:38

chirpchirp, I'm so so sorry for you Thanks

I think you have every right to feel that way. Clinics can be designed to run in a more thoughtful way

MrsPatrickDempsey · 26/11/2013 12:38

Yanbu. The exact same thing happened to me. It is really hard to deal with. I want to just hold your hand.

Aniseeda · 26/11/2013 12:40

So sorry for your loss.

Yanbu. I get that they might only have one clinic but surely a small private room for women in your situation to wait in wouldn't be too much to ask. Very insensitive and not good enough in this day and age.

Hoping you are home soon.

Yamyoid · 26/11/2013 12:41

Yanbu, it's very thoughtless. Sorry. Hope you get seen soon Thanks

spongebob13 · 26/11/2013 12:41

I feel for you I really do. I was waiting for a scan to see if I needed a D&C with a load of women there for their scans ... all I could see were bumps, heart monitors, giggling, partners holding hands looking at scans. One woman asked me how far was I gone ... I ashamedly took great pleasure in saying " I WAS twelve weeks" just to make her feel awful like I did.

it really is not on. my heart goes out to you. I was on my own too. xxxx

Cluffyflump · 26/11/2013 12:41

Oh sweetheart Brew

That isn't fair.
So sorry for your loss x

Cookethenook · 26/11/2013 12:42

I'm so so sorry. I had to sit in the same room as all of the women going for their scans when i was waiting for my appointments about fertility treatment. It's a new hosp too, so it always annoyed me that they hadn't planned it better :(

squoosh · 26/11/2013 12:42

So sorry to hear this and YADNBU.

There must be a more sensitive way for them to heave handled this, a bit of imagination can go a long way.

lunar1 · 26/11/2013 12:42

I am so sorry, I had the same. This is appalling practice on the hospitals part. I hope you are seen very quickly, they should at least be able to tell you how many are going to be before you.

LemonBreeland · 26/11/2013 12:42

YANBU it is hideously cruel, and I've seen it come up on MN time and time again. I am lucky enough to never have been in your situation, but the lack of compassion makes me so angry.

I used to work at a vets and we showed more compassion to people who were bringing in pets to be put to sleep. They always got appointments at the beginning or end of the day so they didn't sit in a waiting room full of happy pets and pet owners.

Shellywelly1973 · 26/11/2013 12:43

I was where you are now, last February.

Losing my baby was one of the most devastating experiences of my life...literally on par with losing bmy mil to cancer. Ds being diagnosed with ASD. Mother having a stroke. Dp having a tumour...

There needs to be better care, understanding & sympathy for women experiencing a miscarriage.

Sending you big hugs... take care. X

bundaberg · 26/11/2013 12:43

chirpchirp you are not being unreasonable even a slightly tiny bit. :(

i've said the same myself whenever I've been for scans at our local hospital. They also have the infertility clinic just down the corridor.
at the bigger hospital it's by the maternity dept.

vladthedisorganised · 26/11/2013 12:44

YADNBU. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had exactly the same experience earlier this year and was asked many times why my partner wasn't with me for my scan - "isn't he excited?". It makes a horrible situation even more so.

Wish I could be there with you.

cees · 26/11/2013 12:45

Same thing happened to me last year, I was ages waiting for a scan, they took my urine, blood pressure the doc even had a route around inside me but the only thing that would confirm if my baby was alive or not was the fucking scan that they made me wait 6 hrs for.

All the while I was sitting with happy couples being induced, wasn't their fault but really it can't be so hard to separate the two.

I'm so sorry you are going through this chirp ((((((hugs))))))

worldgonecrazy · 26/11/2013 12:45

YANBU - it is hideously cruel, though the nurses and doctors did their best when I was going through it.

I am so sorry for your loss - be gentle with yourself.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/11/2013 12:46

Yanbu. The same thing happened to me when I started bleeding heavily. I thought I was miscarrying and ended up in hospital gown in a wheel chair holding my drip waiting to be scanned in the same place all the happy expectant mums were waiting for their scans. It was awfu.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this it's like a giant slap in the face isn't it.

Have a Brew Biscuit and some very unmumsnetty hugs ((((hug)))) xx

ClangerOnaComeDown · 26/11/2013 12:48

You poor thing, that is really inconsiderate of the hospital. Sending you lots of caring thoughts Flowers

CommanderShepard · 26/11/2013 12:48

I am so sorry and it is so, so cruel to do this to women. My baby survived, thank goodness, but I thought I was miscarrying at 12 weeks and I too had to sit in the waiting room with everyone else. It astounds me that this is seen as ok.

LunaticFringe · 26/11/2013 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trooperslane · 26/11/2013 12:48

Me too. Twice. YADNBU. It's callous to the point of torture. Hugs xThanksWine

MrsOakenshield · 26/11/2013 12:50

I have been to the Early Pregnancy and Gynae Clinic more times than I care to mention, and someone (often me) has left in tears Every. Single. Time. It's a drop in where we are, but even with an appt you can be sat there for a long time. Though, tbh, most of the women there don't look too happy - I guess you only go to this clinic if you have concerns.

I know in St Thomas's in London, there is a different exit to entrance, which means that at least those who have had bad news don't hav to walk back through the waiting room.

So sorry for your loss Thanks and unMN ((()))

SilverShins · 26/11/2013 12:51

Aw you poor thing. Happened to me too, just awful. Many good wishes for you from me Thanks