AIBU to think its fucking cruel...

[chirpchirp]

To make a woman who is miscarrying and attempting to hold it together sit in a waiting room for over an hour surrounded by happy pregnant, bump rubbing women?

I probably am as I'm emotionally drained and haven't slept properly since I started bleeding on Sunday. I've been sent for a scan to confirm what I already know, I'm here on my own as DH can't afford to take time off work and my only friend who knows is looking after DS so I didn't have to bring him with me. My appointment was over an hour ago, apparently they are running late as it's a junior doctor but that's all they can tell me not how much longer I'll be here for.

There must be other women going through what I am, could they not gives us all appointments in the morning or at the end of the day so we can all sit here close to tears together rather than hearing the (understandable) excited giggle of women who aren't going through hell?

That's awful. A friend of a friend had to have an induced still-birth at 5 months in the ordinary maternity ward, surrounded by the sound of other women's labours being rewarded by the sound of a healthy crying baby at the end. I am not a doctor but I have no idea why somebody in her situation couldn't have been given a general anaesthetic and caesarean. Making her go through the whole process was so atrocious, I can't bear to think about it.
YUNBU. This is a serious issue that the NHS should address.

This is why there was a MN campaign about this. How horrible that nothing has actually changed.

I'm going to point HQ to this thread and suggest they do the campaign again.

YANBU. I miscarried last month and had to sit in a generic waiting room with people waiting for blood tests, people in tears next to me and women waiting for their scans as the ultrasound room was next door.

Worse was that the nurse asked me what was wrong in the waiting room. So I had to tell her I was miscarrying in front of everybody whilst trying not to cry and I had DS with me.

:-( I'm sorry, go see the receptionist. If you felt like crying do and Id hope they will see you so you can get the hell out of the clinic ASAP

I'm so sorry chirpchirp.

Oh, I cannot imagine what you are feeling right now.

I remember a colleague of mine telling me that when she was training as a nurse (1960s I think), she had to look after a ward of women - some were miss carrying and some were actually in labour. It actually prevented her from completing her training because she could not work in a place with such little compassion.

YANBU.

I have been in your positron, many years ago, I would of hoped that things would change.

I am in Liverpool, we have had the purpose built Liverpool Women's Hospital, yet arrangements cannot be made to handle situations such as this, separately.

My DD had to go for her scan, for PCOS, with other infertile women and sit and wait with pregnant women, yet there are different waiting rooms, six scanners and a few clinic entrances.

In March this year a woman, whose baby was showing no Heart Beat was put on a six bed early labour ward, I was there with my niece.

There is no excuse for the lack of sensitivity, our hospital is busy enough to make arrangements so this doesn't happen.

Plus, forget about waiting in a separate room. Somebody who is miscarrying shouldn't be waiting at all. I know there are delays in these clinics - I was sitting there once for 3 hours - but anyone who is MC or suspected MC should be put straight at the front of the queue. I would happily wait all day for a routine scan appointment if I knew it was because some poor woman in your situation needed to get in and out and home to cry asap. Bloody bloody ridiculous.

Yanbu, my fairly small local hospital has anti natal scan department combined with epu and colonscopy scans as well so you've got all sorts of people pregnant and otherwise waiting.

It was awful after being told that my baby was small for dates with no heartbeat and then having to go back out into the waiting room to wait for the epu midwife again (I later miscarriared after further scans)

I'm now pregnant again and after three bleeds and four scans in 14 weeks I have seen far to much of the scan department, even though the outcome has been thankfully positive so far.

I think a campaign for changing even the waiting areas would be a good thing.

So sorry for your loss op, take care

We had the same set up when I went through a number of miscarriages. I hated it every time - got to the point where I'm sure my blood pressure went through the roof whenever I had a scan during my pregnancy with DS2 simply because it was the same room and I had so many bad memories of sitting there miscarrying and waiting.

So sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss.

I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room surrounded by bumps and babies while we waited to discuss our fertility treatment options with the consultant. I kept bursting into tears and a pregnant lady sitting opposite me got up and moved seats. I hope it wasn't because I was making her uncomfortable, I couldn't help it in such surroundings.

I'm thankfully now 26 weeks after 3 years of ttc and am very very conscious of what I say to other women and of other people's feelings in similar situations.

I'm so sorry op
I went through this last year and also had to sit and listen to the happy couples in the waiting room comparing scan pictures. The worst conversation was between two women expecting twins - they obviously had no idea that the year before I lost one of my twin boys at 34 weeks. I was admitted overnight to the post natal ward for steroids and obs before having a section the following morning. It was the absolute worst night of my life lying in that room listening to crying newborns down the corridor, and the girl in the next room on a permanent foetal heartbeat monitor. I couldn't have one as there weren't enough so I spent most of the night not knowing if the other twin was ok.

The total appalling insensitivity we are subject to going through something so horrendous has to stop. Facilities need to improve. I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you.

Just as bad as having to wait in there when you have been told that your baby is going to die either before, during or after the birth when you are 8 months pregnant.

I remember vividly waiting for 2 hours to see my consultant, to discuss whether they would bother resuscitating DD2 if she survived the birth, as he wanted to see me at the end of clinic. Clinic overran.

All the other women talking to each other excitedly, moaning that they couldn't wait for their pregnancy to end, talking about names and I am stuck in a corner looking absolutely miserable as hell not able to make eye contact with anyone. They probably thought I was stuck up or something .

Nurse told me I had to stay where I was as they didn't have time to 'come looking for me'. BASTARDS.

In Dorset, the termination clinic was also the early pregnancy clinic when I worked there. Awful

This thread has made me cry

Wow - that is awful.
This happened to me 16 years ago
I cannot believe things haven't improved at all.
To top mine off, the hospital I went to when I miscarried, called me a few weeks later to complain as I hadn't turned up to my 20 week scan!
Yep - seriously!
These places need to understand what we go through and sort this whole thing out.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Cry a lot and get lots of hugs from family and friends.

YANBU the same thing happened to us. Then to rub salt into the wound, where did we sit after our third miscarriage to see someone for an appointment to find out any reasons why we were miscarrying. Yes in the same place where pregnant women were waiting for their scans.

It's shit. I wish I had made a complaint.

So sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. for you.

YANBU.

I had this with an ectopic pregnancy. I had to have blood monitored to check whether my levels were falling in case my body dealt with it before they had to, and most of the investigations were done in the ultrasound department or the EPU. It was horrible. I was so relieved when admitted to the gynae ward for decisive treatment, as from then on all my follow-up appointments were done there, and I was surrounded by older women in for hysterectomies etc rather than pregnant women. I mean, obviously I wouldn't wish anything else for them than an easy, happy and healthy pregnancy, but it does rather rub your nose in your own situation at a time you feel desperately sad and vulnerable.

It's soul destroying, I know. I send solidarity-laden, unMumsnetty hugs.

YADNBU

Happened to me as well, once we'd realised we'd miscarried we were taken through the antenatal clinic (lots of happy pregnant people) to the EPU. The doctor who saw me was extremely unsympathetic in manner, my poor DH was away with work and I sat in a room sobbing.

When we decided what we were doing next, I had all my pre-surgery checks done in a clinic where I was surrounded by pregnant women or babies. A lady with twins sat next to me telling all and sundry all about them. I sat there with tears streaming down my face not making a sound.

It was inhumane, lacking in emotion and completely devastated me. I'm still not sure I've dealt with it properly.

YA absolutely not BU. All it takes to create a discreet separate waiting area is some plasterboard and the services of a joiner for half a day.

A friend of mine had a similar experience waiting for a pre-termination scan. This was about ten years ago, and I am astonished that nothing has changed.

This happened to me a year ago, kicked out of A&E and told to go hang around the ultrasound bit until they could fit me in Luckily I only had to wait an hour.

YANBU - the icing on my cake was the appointment to have counselling after DS1's birth and subsequent NICU stay, was in a room opposite the scanning room where issues were diagnosed and where i went twice a week to see if he was still alive for eight weeks and directly underneath the NICU room he was in for four months and nearly died twice in. i thought that was outstanding and the sodding counsellor couldn't understand why i spent the whole time crying.

and don't even get me started on that fucking hand print woman...