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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DPs ex insisting on having MY address?

216 replies

GirIFiend · 19/07/2013 20:46

DP and I been together 10 months.

His DS who is 8 has always stayed with DP and DP's parents at their house which is where DP lived until 6 weeks ago when he moved in with me.

Last month DSS came to stay at my house to meet me and my DSes on his agreed contact weekend.

The plan was the same for this month but out of the blue DP's ex has texted saying she wants MY address or DSS will not be coming Shock She says she has the right to know where her DS will be staying.

Can she insist on this?

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 19/07/2013 20:47

Well, from her POV, yes, I would like to know where my dc were staying when not with me!!

Hassled · 19/07/2013 20:48

I don't know is she can insist on it but it seems completely reasonable to me. I would be very uncomfortable not knowing where my 8 year old was staying. What's the problem in just letting her know?

ProphetOfDoom · 19/07/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spero · 19/07/2013 20:48

Why so shocked? Do you think she will come round and harass you? I would want to know where my 8 year old was.

kim147 · 19/07/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAyoniNickname · 19/07/2013 20:49

I've asked my ex for his address (he lives with his gf) he's refused to give it though.
However, I haven't stopped the dc going purely because its not fair on them.
Personally I think she does have a right to know where her dc is staying.

MissStrawberry · 19/07/2013 20:49

Why wouldn't you want to give her your address? Of course she has the right to know where her child is.

moanymandy · 19/07/2013 20:49

yabu. if your dp has moved in dss will obviously be a regular visitor to your house.

I too would insist on knowing where my dc are staying.

Spero · 19/07/2013 20:50

And fwiw if it went to court I think it most likely she would be given address unless she wants simply to cause trouble.

NatashaBee · 19/07/2013 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DearPrudence · 19/07/2013 20:50

Have I got this right? Your partner has moved in with you even though you've never met his son? This is all arse about face

As for the original question - YABU

selsigfach · 19/07/2013 20:51

Of course she is entitled to know where her young son is staying. And quite right about not permitting him to go to an unknown address. YABVVU for making an issue about this.

Leviticus · 19/07/2013 20:51

YABU. She needs to know where her child is. Why don't you want her to know?

chandellina · 19/07/2013 20:51

What if it were your ds in that situation? It's totally reasonable.

Doodledumdums · 19/07/2013 20:51

Sorry, I am on her side! I would absolutely refuse to allow my son to stay at an unknown location, I don't think she is being unreasonable at all.

Why would you not want her to have it?

Leviticus · 19/07/2013 20:53

Oh and it's not just YOUR address any more is it?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 19/07/2013 20:54

Yabu

She has every right to know where her DS is staying.

Ezio · 19/07/2013 20:55

I'd like to know where my DD was when shes with her dad. What if something happened and she needs to get to yours.

thegreylady · 19/07/2013 20:55

She is being perfectly reasonable.Surely you would want an address where your own children would be staying even if they were with the father.She would be unreasonable if she didn't want to know.You would be unreasonable not to tell her.

MyPrettyToes · 19/07/2013 20:55

If your DP has moved in with you it is now HIS address too. She has a right to where her son will be. YABU.

scottishmummy · 19/07/2013 20:56

Damn right she can insist on knowing where her child will be staying
And what's more I'd do a drive by reccy to see location,and I'd be asking your suitability
You're needing to be more aware of how a mother feels entrusting her child to ex new girlfriend

lunar1 · 19/07/2013 20:56

What on earth is wrong with you? She is his mother and has every right to know where he is. It doesn't bode well for the future if you are this petty now.

babyhmummy01 · 19/07/2013 20:56

As a step mum even I think yabu! I am not a mum in my own right yet (4 more weeks) but even I can understand why she wants to know.

When I met DP's kids I offered his exw the chance to meet me so she knew who I was etc. I might be naive but she is their mum and in her shoes I would want to know who my kids are with and where they are.

Unless you have something to hide I am not sure I understand why you are up in arms about it

HatieKokpins · 19/07/2013 20:57

YABVU. She has every right to know where her child is.

FlankShaftMcWap · 19/07/2013 20:59

If my DC were regular visitors there I would most certainly want their fathers address. Because that's what it is now, not just your address. I think she is being perfectly reasonable to make the request. It would be most unreasonable to deny it IMHO, unless there is threat of harassment or violence etc.

Can I ask why you find it so shocking that a mother would want to be made aware of where her young child is?