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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DPs ex insisting on having MY address?

216 replies

GirIFiend · 19/07/2013 20:46

DP and I been together 10 months.

His DS who is 8 has always stayed with DP and DP's parents at their house which is where DP lived until 6 weeks ago when he moved in with me.

Last month DSS came to stay at my house to meet me and my DSes on his agreed contact weekend.

The plan was the same for this month but out of the blue DP's ex has texted saying she wants MY address or DSS will not be coming Shock She says she has the right to know where her DS will be staying.

Can she insist on this?

OP posts:
NicknameIncomplete · 19/07/2013 21:00

YABU. If my child was going somewhere/anywhere for the weekend i would want to know where they are going.

scratchandsniff · 19/07/2013 21:01

YABVU - put yourself in her shoes.

burberryqueen · 19/07/2013 21:01

YABU - one of the last times ex and his wife came to take the children for the weekend, they refused to give me their address (to avoid CSA) - therefore the children did not go with them - what kind of mother would be happy sending off their children to an unknown destination?
now ex whines that i 'prevent him from seeing the children'

Gruntfuttock · 19/07/2013 21:01

If I was the mother I would want to meet you, as well as know your address. Good grief.

BreadNameBread · 19/07/2013 21:02

Why does it bother you that if she has your address?
'Your' house is now your DPs and DSS's house too.

Xihha · 19/07/2013 21:02

Yes she can stop contact over not being given an address and if it was to go to court then yes they could make an order saying your dp has to provide an address for where the child will be staying before contact is resumed (provided there isn't a valid reason she shouldn't have the address)

Why are you so shocked? Of course she wants to know where her 8 year old is staying, any mother would!

TalkativeJim · 19/07/2013 21:04

Stop and think why this is your immediate reaction.

An automatic 'That woman who I don't want to have to think about my boyfriend having once slept with wont be having MY address, shes NOTHING to do with us!!' - ??

If so... please, for all your sakes, just move on now. Dump him.

She ISN'T just 'his ex'. She's the mother of his child. She's the most important person in the life of the child who YOU are presumably prepared to start having an input with. She will always be in your life if you stay with your bf.

The best thing you could do is to give your address, followed up with 'I'm happy to say hi on the phone/meet up at some point so you know who xx is staying with'.

Step over to the stepmum threads, have a good think, and start as you mean to go on.

ProphetOfDoom · 19/07/2013 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DukeSilver · 19/07/2013 21:05

Of course she wants to know where he is!!

When my dd is with her dad he always lets me know where they are and I do the same with him if I have her somewhere other than my house. Just common courtesy really.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/07/2013 21:06

Once they've visited a couple of times, the 8yo will be able to tell the address anyway. The mother has no legal right to know, but it's pointless to refuse.

HappyDoll · 19/07/2013 21:06

Great post TalkativeJim Couldn't have put it better myself.

HappyDoll · 19/07/2013 21:07

OldLady The mother absolutely has a legal right to know where her 8 y o is. No court would ever forbid it.

LookMaw · 19/07/2013 21:07

Unless there's some sort of court order for her to stay away from you, aside from spite I cannot fathom why you would want to torment a woman by not letting her know where her child is.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/07/2013 21:08

Er - yabu to find this odd.

She wants to know where her child is when possible. Totally reasonable. Like it or lump it.

mummytowillow · 19/07/2013 21:09

She can't insist but she has a right to know where her kids are staying.

My ex did this, moved in with OW wouldn't tell me his address or phone number, but wanted his 5 year old to travel 300 miles to stay somewhere I had no clue about! Hmm

Still18atheart · 19/07/2013 21:10

YABU

when i saw the title I thought that it was some random ex and you weren't living together. BUT your DP has a son with this woman and he is living with you.

OPeaches · 19/07/2013 21:11

OP, your stance is so incredibly unreasonable, I'm guessing this is one of those reverse threads, and that you are 'the ex' rather than the new gf?

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit · 19/07/2013 21:13

What a weird thread, how on earth can you not think this is a reasonable, and perfectly normal request.

I agree with the poster who suggested you forget him, and move on. You're clearly not cut out to cope with a stepchild. Hmm

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 19/07/2013 21:13

Wow, err, of course she needs to have the address where her child is going to be staying!

scottishmummy · 19/07/2013 21:15

If i were ex wife I'd insist on meeting you too

Vatta · 19/07/2013 21:17

Unless there's evidence that she would use the address in an illegal way (eg to harass you) then of course a court would give her the address. She has every right to insist on Knowing where her son is!i don't understand why this is a problem for you.

kim147 · 19/07/2013 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 19/07/2013 21:18

Another vote for a reverse! I would not be letting my DC go to an unknown address and you shouldn't either OP (assuming I'm right). If I am wrong then YABVVVVU!

pianodoodle · 19/07/2013 21:19

What TalkativeJim said.

Plus, presuming her child can read he can give her the address in any case so it's daft to refuse. Or are you going to tell him he's forbidden to tell his mother where he is?

scottishmummy · 19/07/2013 21:22

I don't have an ex.
But Were children were involved yes I'd expect to meet adults they'd be spending time with
I'd expect adults to cooperate and accept if children are spending time all adults need be cordial,feel safe handing over child

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