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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay Plumber who groped me

142 replies

Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 10:52

Am still wobbly tbh. He was pointing out it wasnt drains but rats nest re. smell, i bent to look and he walked across the bathroom, grabbed my hips and ground against me. I immed. said get off and he said "sorry, its the proximity". Yes, because you walked across the bathroom to get to me. So wobbly i got rid asap and realised had no cash and he couldnt take card. He then said he would come back tonite for the cash. I then got mad and texted him not to come back as i was going to report him & def not paying him. Can I , should I report him? I felt horribly vulnerable and its been a vile 2months already without feeling invaded in my own flat. Or should i just not think about other vulnerable women having to put up with that/would police even care?? And what about the posh 'village magazine' he advertises in? (its that kind of village, why i picked it, safe, neighbourhood watch etc)..Sorry to be so wussy but shaken...

OP posts:
JaneFonda · 03/07/2013 10:54

Yes, absolutely report him to the police.

RobotBananas · 03/07/2013 10:54

Report him.

SauceForTheGander · 03/07/2013 10:55

Tell the police.

GibberTheMonkey · 03/07/2013 10:55

Of course, phone the police. Hope you're ok

CrowsLanding · 03/07/2013 10:55

Hope You are ok op. Please report this perv before he does it to someone else x

Tiredmumno1 · 03/07/2013 10:56

Absolutely report to the police, he can't go round doing that, it's disgusting.

itried · 03/07/2013 10:56

Yes, report him to the police. I guess you may well not be the first.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 03/07/2013 10:56

Report to the police right now.

nameuschangeus · 03/07/2013 10:56

Couldn't just read and run on this one. I think he deserves to be reported to the police but realistically it probably depends if you feel up to doing that. I'm sure ill get flamed for that response but you do need to feel able and strong enough to tell them. Whatever happens you shouldn't pay him and I would make it very clear that he should not come to your home under any circumstances.

stottiecake · 03/07/2013 10:56

oh my god!! you poor thing Sad i woulf be phoning the police right now. have you anyone you can call- a friend or family?

HormonalHousewife · 03/07/2013 10:56

Good grief how awful for you.

Definitely report him.

Has he actually done any work or did he just come around to give a quote ?

I wouldnt be giving him any of my hard earned cash.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 03/07/2013 10:57

Definitely report. He almost certainly has form for this. Yuck.

breatheslowly · 03/07/2013 10:58

Report him. He should be too embarrassed to ask for payment.

eurozammo · 03/07/2013 10:58

Tell the police. He will try it with others. Awful.

RaisingChaotic · 03/07/2013 10:59

Report him.

cozietoesie · 03/07/2013 10:59

He sounds so confident that I'd have to guess that he'd done something like this before and got away with it. Poor other women.

Report him directly.

boschy · 03/07/2013 10:59

god you poor thing, no wonder you are shaken up. definitely report him to police.

Tiredmumno1 · 03/07/2013 10:59

Also if he does come to your door, just ignore and do not answer it, and hopefully if you do report it, then the police will be aware. So you can call them if he turns up. Thanks

Original poster
Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 11:02

Thanks everyone. I wasnt sure if the police would want to know but i keep thinking what about another woman who might freeze with shock & not say get off.. and then... oh god what an absolute pig of a man. He didnt even care, kept smiling horrible creepy smile. I felt unclean after he had gone, had to change clothes etc. Just eugh....

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 03/07/2013 11:03

Definately call the police and make a complaint - that is a sexual assault BASTARD

MrsHoarder · 03/07/2013 11:03

I'd report him, and lock the doors tonight.

But I wouldn't avoid paying remotely (posted check if he sends an invoice for example) if the police are taking it seriously, because I wouldn't want him to get away with it by claiming you are reporting to avoid paying.

But most importantly of all, look after yourself.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 03/07/2013 11:07

OP the police will most definitely want to know about this. They won't think it's trivial in the slightest.

I hope you're ok?

Original poster
Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 11:08

He just pointed out it smelt like rats and took bath panel off then left Hormonal Housewife. All the while being horribly calm n creepy - didnt even seem bothered that i was curt/off: just grinning like it was something he thought really funny and staring unblinking... so creepy.

OP posts:
Latara · 03/07/2013 11:09

Call 101 for advice. Calling 101 is ok, I've had to call 101 and the police on there were very nice, it's not as scary as calling 999 for example.

It is hard not to feel vulnerable when you live alone and to not feel threatened by a man like this; I know because I had similar problems with a neighbour last year. I had poor MH so it made me very paranoid.

It's easy for people to say 'report' but in reality reporting isn't that easy.
I think you should though because it's a clear cut case of sexual assault.

Even if you don't wish to press charges the police should at least be made aware of him; other women may have had the same experience.

Whatever you do don't pay him or have any further contact.

Log any calls you get from him as it could be harassment.

Later on make the village magazine aware that he has behaved badly but you don't need to go into detail if you don't wish to; just try to ensure he can't advertise in there.

I hope you realise that this is unusual and you've been unlucky; I've had lots of workmen in my home and they've never behaved this way. Sometimes I feel vulnerable but my attitude is that I pay a lot of Council Tax therefore I have the right to feel safe in my own area!

BlueSkySunnyDay · 03/07/2013 11:10

I think its important that a man with so little impulse control is reported. H (a tradesmen) has been in houses where teenage daughters of clients have behaved inappropriately and he has made himself scarce as he was embarrassed Grin

It worries me that a man like this would not walk away from a situation like that - so he shouldn't be working in peoples homes.

Even if he just gets a talking to by the police hopefully it would be enough to scare him out of doing it again.

Regarding payment - difficult one as his defence is going to be you made it up to avoid paying him.