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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay Plumber who groped me

142 replies

Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 10:52

Am still wobbly tbh. He was pointing out it wasnt drains but rats nest re. smell, i bent to look and he walked across the bathroom, grabbed my hips and ground against me. I immed. said get off and he said "sorry, its the proximity". Yes, because you walked across the bathroom to get to me. So wobbly i got rid asap and realised had no cash and he couldnt take card. He then said he would come back tonite for the cash. I then got mad and texted him not to come back as i was going to report him & def not paying him. Can I , should I report him? I felt horribly vulnerable and its been a vile 2months already without feeling invaded in my own flat. Or should i just not think about other vulnerable women having to put up with that/would police even care?? And what about the posh 'village magazine' he advertises in? (its that kind of village, why i picked it, safe, neighbourhood watch etc)..Sorry to be so wussy but shaken...

OP posts:
piratecat · 04/07/2013 10:41

well done. you've been really brave. the sheer gall of these people causes victims to doubt their own minds.

good luck.

SauceForTheGander · 04/07/2013 10:45

Oh Sazzle well done you.

And the police are absolutely right of course. Offenders build up to more serious crimes.

Good luck talking to police.

lionheart · 04/07/2013 10:51

What a bloody awful experience to have had, Sazzle but well done for reporting it. He needs to be stopped.

greenhill · 04/07/2013 11:02

Well done sazzle you were brave and have done the right thing. Flowers

LindyHemming · 04/07/2013 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 04/07/2013 12:50

well done sazzle

itsblackoveryonderhill · 04/07/2013 13:01

Sazzle, I've not read all the posts, but flicked through to see that you have reported the slimy fucker - well done you.Flowers

Just remember, don't down play what happened when you do your statement, say it as it happened etc.

BrianTheMole · 04/07/2013 13:06

that this is often how serious offenders start off, then they escalate to worse

That is the worry. Many sex offenders start off like this and then you end up reading about it in the papers years on after they have left a trail of devastation behind them. Thank goodness you've called the police at this early stage.

BuffytheReasonableFeminist · 04/07/2013 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 04/07/2013 13:21

Well done - I wish I had reported mine, older and wiser I certainly would now.

Buzzardbird · 04/07/2013 13:29

Well done Sazzle what did the village magazine say?

LeGavrOrf · 04/07/2013 13:30

Well done on reporting that fucker.

I hope you are ok, what a shocking thing to have happened. Please look after yourself.

LilRedWG · 04/07/2013 13:31

Well done! You are very brave.

peachypips · 04/07/2013 13:34

You poor thing. He sounds like a potentially very dangerous man.

Oscalito · 04/07/2013 13:37

Just adding my well done. What a waste of skin that man is, it's really brave of you to make the call.

Cherriesarelovely · 04/07/2013 13:39

Well done Sazzle. Because of your brave action some other woman will most likely be saved from a similar assault. Hope you are ok and that it goes ok with the police. I didn't report a similar incident that happened about 20 year ago because the people I told said it was insignificant and the police wouldn't be interested. I really regret that now and worry that the perpetrator may well have been building up to worse offences. Well done you.

BlackeyedSusan · 04/07/2013 13:41

well done. hope the interview goes well. you are doing lots of people massive favour. Thanks

Sallystyle · 04/07/2013 14:02

Well done, please keep us updated when you can.

lurkingfromhome · 04/07/2013 15:40

Well done, sazzle. You have quite probably saved at least one more woman from serious sexual assault. I would be utterly horrified at the thought of letting a workman into my house who had committed such a vile act to another woman previously. That was very brave of you and please don't think of playing down what was a disgusting violation in your own home. Hope you're feeling a bit better for having taken that first step.

MarinaIvy · 04/07/2013 15:41

Glad you reported, OP.

Crapbag, and anybody else who had "little" brushes like this: get angry! And faster!!!

I think we all suffer too much from a "ooh, what if I'm wrong" element of things, but look at it like this: they wouldn't dare do this with a man. Keep that plastered in the top of your head.

Think about how men kick seven shades of crap out of each other for as little as "oi, you looking at me?". OK, an overgeneralisation, and I'm not recommending violence much, but I'd rather err on the side of getting stroppy than feel like a mug afterwards.

Seriously, we need to be doing society some good works here. This needs to stop. Angry

MarinaIvy · 04/07/2013 15:49

Oh, and here's my personal experience:

Groped in a Tube station by a busker. He very deliberately took his hand off his guitar and squeezed my breast (no accident, tripping, etc). He knew exactly where to stand so the CCTV didn't catch it.

The police let me know after the trial (he got off, btw), that he'd had priors, mainly flashing types of offenced. So assault was of course a progression.

I don't know what he's doing since, or perhaps if at least that trouble put a bit of a halt to it. Doubt it.

Don't mean to hijack. My point is: Yes, they do progress if they're not stopped.

MarinaIvy · 04/07/2013 15:57

Ooh, OP - did he try to collect the money? And how did the police go?

Original poster
Sazzle41 · 04/07/2013 16:38

No he didnt try re the £ MarinaIvy, giving statement to Police tomorrow and emailed village mag he advertises in giving police ref no. Just angry he thought it was ok and then sad... what kind of upbrininging produces that warped mindset towards women, he must have 'learnt' it somewhere.

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 04/07/2013 16:50

It happened to me when I was about 14 at a bus stop by a great big, about 20 years older than me Hells Angel. I was too scared to do or say anything and no-one tried to help me.
I am so pleased that you were braver than me. I regret not reporting but back in those days awful things went un-reported.

Greyhound · 04/07/2013 18:20

Just seen this - well done for contacting the police. I was groped by a guy who pressed his dick into my backside whilst I was on the tube. It was awful. The train was crowded and I couldn't get away :( I wish I'd called the police but, in those circumstances, I doubt they would have caught him.