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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay Plumber who groped me

142 replies

Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 10:52

Am still wobbly tbh. He was pointing out it wasnt drains but rats nest re. smell, i bent to look and he walked across the bathroom, grabbed my hips and ground against me. I immed. said get off and he said "sorry, its the proximity". Yes, because you walked across the bathroom to get to me. So wobbly i got rid asap and realised had no cash and he couldnt take card. He then said he would come back tonite for the cash. I then got mad and texted him not to come back as i was going to report him & def not paying him. Can I , should I report him? I felt horribly vulnerable and its been a vile 2months already without feeling invaded in my own flat. Or should i just not think about other vulnerable women having to put up with that/would police even care?? And what about the posh 'village magazine' he advertises in? (its that kind of village, why i picked it, safe, neighbourhood watch etc)..Sorry to be so wussy but shaken...

OP posts:
BlueSkySunnyDay · 03/07/2013 11:46

I doubt this guy is going to be on check a trade if he's a sole trader - the cost of that is prohibitively expensive.

I would deal with speaking to the police before contacting anyone else.

DreamingofSummer · 03/07/2013 11:50

Just adding my voice to those saying report him to the police immediately.

Also sending cyber hugs

Crinkle77 · 03/07/2013 11:51

yes deffo report him. You should feel safe in your own home and so should other women. he acted completely unprofessionally and took advantage of the fact that you were a woman on her own.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 03/07/2013 11:52

Oh you poor thing. I hope you can report it as he's not a nice man and shouldn't get away with making you feel like this. Really disturbing. Gentle Hug in your direction...

Original poster
Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 11:56

Thx everyone, such lovely messages and people i work with have been lovely and supportive too. Its how calm and the creepy smile that freaked me out - and that he took his time going... am trying to find somewhere quiet to call 101... thanks for being a massive support everyone..calling the village magazine too.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/07/2013 11:57

I too think you should report this. And absolutely don't let him in your house again. And I agree that the police should be made aware of him. Because another time his behaviour will get worse in someone else's house. When will it end if nobody reports him. That's what would worry me and make me at least dial 101.

RandomFriend · 03/07/2013 11:59

What a horrible thing to happen - no wonder you are wobbly. Hope you are feeling better.

YANBU to report the assault to the police and to refuse to pay him.

Please do report him - he has probably done something like this before and will do it again until someone is brave enough to report him.

yamsareyammy · 03/07/2013 11:59

Definitely report him.

And take police advice about paying him.
You could also ask police about whether it would be a good idea to have a word about his advert in the village magazine? Dont know what police would say about that.

Oh,and it is nothing to be ashamed of to cry about it.
Who wouldn't cry?

StuntGirl · 03/07/2013 12:01

I agree he needs reporting.

Glad you have someone IRL for support too, I hope you're feeling ok x

ChasedByBees · 03/07/2013 12:04

Glad you're calling and sorry this happened. What a creep. Don't pay, he didn't do anything.

Oscalito · 03/07/2013 12:05

Oh god that's terrible. And to say he's coming round tonight to collect your money. Well done for telling him off and telling him you'll report him.

You could also ring the paper you found him in and let them know he assaulted you.

The fact that he grabbed your hips means it wasn't 'accidental'.

And he didn't do anything so why would you pay him?

The unblinking eyes and grinning is weird - maybe he was on something.

What a bastard. Yes, report.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 03/07/2013 12:08

He sounds dangerous and scary, and I absolutely agree you should report him.

I was going to say you should pay him (or get a big hairy bloke to pay him on your behalf) for work done to draw a line under it and make clear that it is the assault you are complaining about, not his plumbing. But seeing as he didn't do any plumbing, is basically charging you an unreasonable call-out charge, and the call-out seems to have been a pretty thin mask for assaulting you, I would not. If he wants to send you a proper invoice, then that's up to him. He can dispute it anotehr time. bet he doesn't invoice and wasn't declaring earnings for tax anyhow

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 03/07/2013 12:12

Do not pay him anything.

Do what Sam100 has suggested. That is by far the best advice you have been given.

You MUST report him.

LilRedWG · 03/07/2013 12:16

More hand holding here - call 101 and report him. They will give you advice on hoe to proceed.

BeCool · 03/07/2013 12:17

"sorry, its the proximity"
Yeah he so would have done that to a man!

Good on you for reporting OP - it is the right thing to do.
What a fucking creep and a violation in your own home - hope you are feeling better soon.

I agree with Sam100's advice too.

melliebobs · 03/07/2013 12:18

Report it and in future only hire people off the safe trader register Smile

pianodoodle · 03/07/2013 13:20

This is terrible of course you're upset - HE should be ashamed though, not you!

Ugh! How dare he do that at all let alone in your own home.

I'm so glad you're doing the right thing and reporting this.

When I was a waitress an old man tapped my ass to get my attention and I gave him a mouthful of abuse. My boss took me to one side and said. "Oh that's just old Mr so-and-so he's a regular he's harmless ..."

So not only was she defending him but she also tried to make me feel bad for being mean to poor old Mr so-and-so?! People do this and then do it again and again when they are allowed to get away with it.

"proximity" is not an excuse for assault and not being able to control yourself.

If I thought that really was a valid defence I'd punch every person who stood too close behind me in the queue at Tesco.

As it is, I just have to stand nicely and behave myself like a normal person and that's what this plumber should have done!

Good luck x

SuperiorCat · 03/07/2013 13:25

Ugh what a vile man. I don't know about the legalities of such things, but just wanted to say I hope you are ok, this was not your fault, it was the fault of a horrible man.

Soupa · 03/07/2013 13:35

What a horrid and scary experience. I would also report him.

Cheeseatmidnight · 03/07/2013 13:39

Definitely report him and let him take you to small claims if he wants to. My guess is he won't

greenhill · 03/07/2013 13:50

Report him, he is a danger to women and is using his job to gain access to homes.

Hope you are ok.

boschy · 03/07/2013 14:14

just a thought, can one of your friends be at home with you this evening, just in case he does pitch up? I dont mean to make you nervous, but maybe it would be nice to have some company at home anyway.

hope you're feeling a bit better now and that police have been helpful.

WilsonFrickett · 03/07/2013 15:00

Bloody hell OP! What a fucking creep. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You must report him - even if the police only interview him it will show him that his behaviour is wrong and won't be tolerated. I bet it's not the first time either. ((hugs))

I do agree with boschy though - creeps like this work on having power over women and they can react badly when their power is threatened. If you could have someone over tonight that would be great. But if not, keep your doors and windows locked and do NOT open the door to him - in fact, call 999 if he shows up.

I realise that looks like I'm scare-mongering, I don't mean to, he probably won't dare show his face, but do take care.

BrianTheMole · 03/07/2013 15:09

Fuck. He sounds dangerous. Hope you've called the police. Its likely he would go further in the future with someone else if he gets away with it.

Yonihadtoask · 03/07/2013 15:20

Oh gosh OP. What an awful thing to happen.

I hope you are okay. Please do report him. He probably chances it with many women - in the hopes that he may get further. Grr..

Agree with the others, can someone come round and be at your house this evening? Just to be on the safe side.

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