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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay Plumber who groped me

142 replies

Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 10:52

Am still wobbly tbh. He was pointing out it wasnt drains but rats nest re. smell, i bent to look and he walked across the bathroom, grabbed my hips and ground against me. I immed. said get off and he said "sorry, its the proximity". Yes, because you walked across the bathroom to get to me. So wobbly i got rid asap and realised had no cash and he couldnt take card. He then said he would come back tonite for the cash. I then got mad and texted him not to come back as i was going to report him & def not paying him. Can I , should I report him? I felt horribly vulnerable and its been a vile 2months already without feeling invaded in my own flat. Or should i just not think about other vulnerable women having to put up with that/would police even care?? And what about the posh 'village magazine' he advertises in? (its that kind of village, why i picked it, safe, neighbourhood watch etc)..Sorry to be so wussy but shaken...

OP posts:
InLoveWithDavidTennant · 03/07/2013 11:11

i agree with everyone else!

hope you're ok x

Latara · 03/07/2013 11:12

Meant to say - don't pay him as he may construe that as a positive thing in his warped mind; ask the police's advice about paying. Say you are too scared.

JackNoneReacher · 03/07/2013 11:16

Disgusting. Incredible that he didn't just leave immediately. Somewhere in his tiny mind I guess he thinks that's acceptable. Wonder what else he's done/planning?

Re:payment

Has he actually done any work? Did you agree a call out charge or something?

BlueSkySunnyDay · 03/07/2013 11:17

I agree, ask the police what they recommend with regard to paying.

I was groped in the street years ago and thought I was fine about it but actually I have come to realise that it has had a long term effect on how I feel about people touching me - if you need help make sure you discuss this with someone.

magimedi · 03/07/2013 11:18

Poor you. But, please make the police aware of this man.

Picturepuncture · 03/07/2013 11:18

Please phone 101 OP.

He has no right to make you feel vulnerable in your own home.

Don't answer the door to him tonight.

PeppermintPasty · 03/07/2013 11:21

The police won't give you advice about paying, but hopefully they will arrest the fucker which will be a start.

Don't worry too much about the payment side of things, but if you do need advice on it you'll have to give us more info, ie what you agreed, if anything, in advance. Does he work on his own or is he an employee of a company? As a solicitor, if a client of mine came to me with this, I would tell the plumber in writing to get to hell asap if they had demanded payment.

In truth, I think you'll find the payment side of it will fade away, in the circumstances.

And don't ever let him back in, the arsehole.

squeakytoy · 03/07/2013 11:22

Is he registered on Checkatrade?. If he is, then report him on there too.

I would certainly go to the police.

Original poster
Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 11:24

JackNoneReacher (love Jack Reacher books too, great taste). No he just took the bath panel off and was very slow to leave tho i was very obviously shaken. He was so calm and unblinking afterwards that was the horrible thing, not bothered one bit..what kind of man thinks thats ok .. luckily i have a gay male friend who came round and gave me bit of tlc and mug of tea... ashamed to admit had a bit of 2min weep on his shoulder, been a bad 2months already.

OP posts:
EDMNWiganSalfordandBlackpool · 03/07/2013 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trazzletoes · 03/07/2013 11:26

Please tell the Police. They WILL listen. A friend was groped in the lift at work by a client of hers. No witnesses, clearly. He was convicted of sexual assault - had to go on a 3 year course and is on the Sex Offenders Register now for his troubles.

He walked over to her and rubbed his hand once between her legs. That was enough. That man had NO RIGHT to do that to you. Anywhere. Let alone in your own home.

Call the Police.

Ilovemyself · 03/07/2013 11:27

Report him now ( if you are u

Original poster
Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 11:27

Peppermint Pasty we agreed £30 at the time - as he didnt do anything but take the bath panel off , then as soon as he'd gone i cried for about a minute, then got myself together and sent text saying that was assault dont come back and i am not paying you.

Picturepuncture, thx i didnt know about 101, finding a quiet room at work and calling them in a mo. Thx everyone its lovely to have the support..

OP posts:
SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 03/07/2013 11:28

You poor thing! Absolutely ring 101 to report him. I am so angry on your behalf. Yeeurgh!

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 03/07/2013 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 03/07/2013 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeppermintPasty · 03/07/2013 11:29

Good good. Don't you dare falter and pay him will you Wink. He can whistle for his money. That's official legal advice that is Grin

We're here. We support you Flowers

HadALittleFaithBaby · 03/07/2013 11:30

Don't be ashamed that you got upset - he assaulted you! He took advantage in your own home, of course it upset you! I agree with everyone else - go to the police and hold off paying him or contacting him until you've spoken to them.

Ilovemyself · 03/07/2013 11:31

Oops. Sorry. Report him now if you are up to it. You can bet your bottom dollar he has done this before and will do it again. The fact he didn't leave straight away and grinned shows what a dangerous person he is.

If he gets away with it time and time again it will only be a matter of time before he escalates his behaviour.

I would lock him up and throw away the key. He sounds dangerous to me.

Also, I am sure you will find helplines on here. Give one a call and chat it through with them. But call the police.

MrsDeVere · 03/07/2013 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 03/07/2013 11:33

Hmm - he's not actually done any work then has he - i'm pretty sure my H would think of this as the visit he does prior to quoting (unless the bath panel was fitted with foot long screws)

Please report him - he definitely sounds like she shouldn't be working in peoples homes.

BlueSkySunnyDay · 03/07/2013 11:36

Please report him - he definitely sounds like he shouldn't be working in peoples homes.

Was he young or old? Very strange that he was so unabashed when you were obviously put out - I would bet if you speak to people in your area he has a reputation for this.

zipzap · 03/07/2013 11:37

Definitely report to the police - as others have said, ring 101 and do it, and ask their advice regarding payment so that the plumber can't turn around and say that you are saying this to get out of payment.

It might be that you are better off doing something like sending a token £5 cheque in full and final payment for the removal of the bath panel but that you are not paying any more due to the stress and trauma you suffered as a result of him walking over to you and deliberately groping you, and that you want no further contact or you'll construe it as deliberate harassment. If it's all written out like that - and do keep a copy - then he has to decide whether or not to accept your payment and have your note on file where others might see it (wife, accountant etc) or not to take it any further. I'm sure there are others on mn that can give you better wording or the police on 101 might help too.

Also it's not like he's been at your house for 3 weeks and fitted a bathroom and you owe him thousands you're trying to get out of paying - it sounds like he had only been at your house a few minutes. All the more reason to report him if he's willing to risk assaulting you so soon after meeting you.

I would also talk to trading standards and any plumbing professional bodies he claims to be a member of, and put in a complaint to them so it registers on his file so they can also keep a look out for him. If he's sleazy enough to do that then he may well also be sleazy enough to do things like overcharge for work or do poor quality work.

Oh and definitely get advice from 101 about what to do about him coming to your home tonight potentially to collect payment. They might send a friendly policeman around to pick him up...

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 03/07/2013 11:38

I wouldn't pay him for what he did anyway - irrespective of how he treated you while he was there, he didn't actually do any work, he did less than a quote.

Sam100 · 03/07/2013 11:45

If he contacts you then tell him to invoice you - so that you have proof that he was in your flat at the time you said he was doing the job he was supposed to do. That way he cannot claim you invited him in and that he was there for social reasons. Then write to him and explain that you are not paying him because a) he did not actually do anything and b) he assaulted you. His only course of action would be to take you to small claims - can't see him doing that with that letter on file!