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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to pay Plumber who groped me

142 replies

Sazzle41 · 03/07/2013 10:52

Am still wobbly tbh. He was pointing out it wasnt drains but rats nest re. smell, i bent to look and he walked across the bathroom, grabbed my hips and ground against me. I immed. said get off and he said "sorry, its the proximity". Yes, because you walked across the bathroom to get to me. So wobbly i got rid asap and realised had no cash and he couldnt take card. He then said he would come back tonite for the cash. I then got mad and texted him not to come back as i was going to report him & def not paying him. Can I , should I report him? I felt horribly vulnerable and its been a vile 2months already without feeling invaded in my own flat. Or should i just not think about other vulnerable women having to put up with that/would police even care?? And what about the posh 'village magazine' he advertises in? (its that kind of village, why i picked it, safe, neighbourhood watch etc)..Sorry to be so wussy but shaken...

OP posts:
LouiseSmith · 03/07/2013 17:15

Report to the police and call the paper.

claudedebussy · 03/07/2013 17:19

def report. this arsehole is going to do it again, and the more he gets away with it the more he thinks he'll get away with.

FreudiansSlipper · 03/07/2013 17:19

please report him

and do not take his calls or respond to his text messages and log everything

my dealings with the police when i had to report a workman was very positive they were very helpful and supportive

Lemonies · 03/07/2013 17:25

What a bastard.

Sorry this happened to you OP don't pay the cunt he clearly gets off on pretending nothing happened and relies on normal people to err on misunderstanding and pay him.

RiotsNotDiets · 03/07/2013 17:28

Well done for standing up for yourself OP Flowers

And well done too for reporting this pig!

CrapBag · 03/07/2013 18:06

Yuck. Men like this make my skin crawl.

I was in a shop last year, in a wide aisle on my own looking at something. Vaguely aware that an old man was walking down the aisle. Loads of room behind me and he wasn't actually looking at anything as he didn't stop. He did manage to walk so close to me that he touched my bum though, as in brushing it as he walked. I was too frozen to say anything and felt horrible about it. I still do but its not the first time I have had a bad experience.

Funnily enough, on here people seemed to brush it off as nothing. Certainly wasn't nothing to me.

itried · 03/07/2013 18:11

Sazzle, hope it is going OK. Be prepared for him telling them that you came on to him (which clearly you did not). If he cannot control himself he should be mature enough to know he should either learn or take up employment where he is never alone with a woman.

What a horrible experience.

amazingmumof6 · 03/07/2013 18:14

what a vile thing to do, poor you.

report him.
is there anyone who can come over tonight to stay with you for a bit of protection and support?

sorry this happened, no wonder you are wobbly.Thanks

Max28 · 03/07/2013 18:22

Hi sorry to read about your bad experience, why do men think it is necessary to take advantage of a situation like that. I trained to be a plumber to avoid any situation like that. I suggest you report the matter to the police or the next female won't be so lucky

Sam100 is right get proof he was in your home

see my thread if your interested www.mumsnet.com/Talk/small_business_ads/1772329-Female-South-London-Domestic-Plumber

BatwingsAndButterflies · 03/07/2013 18:24

Poor you OP, he is a vile tosser. Hope he gets his arse handed to him professionally.

Youcanringmybell · 03/07/2013 18:33

Yes I agree - you should report if you feel up to it.

You have the whole of MN behind you on this. What a vile man.

You talk about his vile smile and taking his time to leave. This means he enjoyed your shock and upset (like a flasher) and suggests some kind of history and predatory tendencies.

He is scum bag. I am livid for you.

Have a very non-pervy ((hug))

crashdoll · 03/07/2013 18:45

So sorry this happened to you. Sad You deserve to feel safe in your own home. I hope you can find the strength to call the police and do not pay him, please! He's an arse.

Thanks for you x

FryOneFatManic · 03/07/2013 18:57

I agree with the others, it really does sound like he's done this before, and maybe worse.

Hope you're calling 101 now.

MamaChubbyLegs · 03/07/2013 19:09

What an absolute disgusting fucking arsehole.

You poor thing, I bet it was terrifying. You were really brave to hold your shit together long enough to get him out of the house. I probably would have locked myself in the bathroom and hysterically phoned the police!

You will phone them, won't you? Don't play it down. It IS sexual assault. They will take is seriously.

Flowers
Floggingmolly · 03/07/2013 19:12

Of course report him to the police. And don't even think of paying him! Shock

weisswusrt · 03/07/2013 19:27

I once worked with an 'accidental' bum brusher, it went on for months. This was about ten years ago, and to this day I can't stand men walking behind me. Report. I wish I did.

zipzap · 03/07/2013 21:39

Remember - it's not just that he groped you - it's an assault. You're not being wussy at all. And I think all of us here would feel pretty shaken if this had happened to us.

Don't downplay it; it was a horrible and deliberate thing that he did to you, he knew damn well what he was doing and enjoyed it. If he'd been a genuine bloke that had accidentally bumped into you he would have been mortified, apologising, and you would might both be a bit embarrassed or shaken but you would know very well that it was an accident. Just as this time, you know very well that it wasn't an accident but was deliberate and he enjoyed it.

hoping that you have managed to speak to the police and that he didn't come around tonight - and that he has agreed to send you an invoice for coming around to give you a quote!

Original poster
Sazzle41 · 04/07/2013 10:26

Thx everyone, its made such a difference having the supportive messages on here and special mention to Briefcaseoffacts for emailing me relevant legal info. Police coming tomorrow to take my statement and told me that this is often how serious offenders start off, then they escalate to worse (shudder). Thank you all, you are all lovely & your kindness so appreciated...

OP posts:
DreamingofSummer · 04/07/2013 10:28

Sazzle Well done you! Flowers

Picturepuncture · 04/07/2013 10:32

Well done you. Flowers

Tiredmumno1 · 04/07/2013 10:34

Fantastic news OP, well done Smile you made the right choice, must have taken a lot of courage Thanks

becscertainstar · 04/07/2013 10:36

well done Sazzle41 that took real bravery to call the police. You won't be the only woman that this man has assaulted. I am so sorry that such a horrible thing happened to you. In making him known to the police you're potentially protecting other women. Thank you for doing what you can to protect us, it's very, very courageous of you.

eurozammo · 04/07/2013 10:36

I'm so glad the police are taking it seriously. Well done for reporting it, OP!

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 04/07/2013 10:37

Well done for telling the police. These arseholes get away with this shit by making you doubt your own version of what has happened. Your courage in reporting it will hopefully save other women from being assaulted by this wanker. I hope you're feeling stronger, because you have shown admirable strength x

sheeplikessleep · 04/07/2013 10:41

Well done OP, you've done the right thing.

What a horrible, upsetting experience for you, made even more vile by it being in your own home.

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