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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a sham even though I can't afford it?

501 replies

Picoo · 21/06/2013 20:11

I would really like to stay at home with my DS I don't really enjoy my job and I would like to be a full time mummy. The thing is we could only just about afford it. We would have to pay interest only on our mortgage, give up insurance such as health and maybe house insuranc my husband would have to work longer hours, etc. We would be pretty poor, and we have zero savings, but at least I would be with DS.

Is it crazy to live a poor existence but be there for DS, or should I go back to work and be more financially secure?

OP posts:
Original poster
Picoo · 21/06/2013 20:12

I meant SAHM not sham!!!!

OP posts:
ginmakesitallok · 21/06/2013 20:14

Mad to give up the house insurance IMO.

Original poster
Picoo · 21/06/2013 20:14

we would have no savings left after our next go at ivf which may or may not work...

OP posts:
Original poster
Picoo · 21/06/2013 20:15

yeah I know I guess it's just cutting back on everything to try to make it work!

OP posts:
Squitten · 21/06/2013 20:16

For me, it would depend on how financially secure you want to be.

It doesn;t sound like your day-to-day life would necessarily be terrible but if there is no give at all in your budget, what happens when the boiler breaks/window cracks/car gets wrecked? That's what would worry me. Also, life on a very strict budget may quickly suck the fun out of it. It may create new stresses in your life to replace those of your job.

Any way to go part-time or look for a better job?

pinkr · 21/06/2013 20:16

Don't give up house insurance especially building cover...of anything happens you'd be left owing the bank thousands. There was a couple on grand designs once whose house burned down and then they discovered the insurance had lapsed. They had to continue paying a 200k mortgage on a house that no longer existed Sad
Other than that yanbu!

stargirl1701 · 21/06/2013 20:17

New job? One you enjoy?

I would advise finding a new job before you give up work to be a SAHM.

I am returning to my job on a part time basis after my mat leave. I want to protect my earnings and my pension.

No-one knows the future. I like to hedge my bets.

Amazinggg · 21/06/2013 20:18

I'm a SAHM and we can't afford it Grin

Go for it, if you really want to. Things you should consider though:

  • is your DH's job secure? It's a lot of pressure being the sole breadwinner. Can you expect his salary to rise in the future, making things a bit easier?
  • do you want to go back to your career at some point? How will you maintain contacts / stay up to date?
  • how old is your DS? Are you planning another?

We have cut down on insurance etc and have no savings, but have zero regrets.

The time just flies by then they're not little any more... I'm biased but I don't think many people at all regret it - if there's any doubt in your mind at all then you should go for it.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/06/2013 20:18

I think you would be mad to put yourself so close to the brink financially.

You need more insurance, not less, because you are so dependant on the earner remaining fit and well and in employment.

maddening · 21/06/2013 20:19

I would imagine holding home insurance is a requirement of your mortgage company.

ENormaSnob · 21/06/2013 20:21

Totally unreasonable imo.

What does your dh think?

josephinebruce · 21/06/2013 20:21

Think carefully as it's difficult to get back on the job market should you need/wish to in future.

Amazinggg · 21/06/2013 20:22

Cross post! Yes you must continue with buildings insurance and contents if you can, we stopped our life insurance though. Not ideal, but as soon as we can afford it we'll take it up again.

The main thing I should have said is do the maths of it properly, with a spreadsheet and one or both of you really keeping a close eye on it. If that's beans on toast for the last week of the month then that's what it is.

And yy to being skint placing a lot of stress on you and your relationship. But for me, preferable to the stress of juggling both of us working long hours with childcare and housework.

noblegiraffe · 21/06/2013 20:23

So when would you pay off your mortgage?

And if you can barely afford to SAH with one child, how could you then justify trying for another?

Amazinggg · 21/06/2013 20:25

Wowzers. Not many SAHMs on here tonight... it can be really worth it you know. Life isn't just about career progression.

annielouisa · 21/06/2013 20:25

Do you work full time? It seems very risky what you are planning. What happens if you need to claim on insurance after a major incident i.e fire or burgulary and you no longer have any?

Can you not work part time to allow you more time with the children? Would your DH resent having to work the extra hours just to get by.

OccasionalTherapy · 21/06/2013 20:26

Can you work PT? I've been SAHM for nearly 8 years now and I am qualified for nothing (have degree and lots of experience)...whilst I love being at home for the children, I wish I had kept a foot in the door because the long term effects of being out of the workplace resonate way longer than expected.

stargirl1701 · 21/06/2013 20:26

Isn't life & buildings insurance required by your mortgage company?

These are not luxuries.

It seems to me that you cannot afford to be a SAHM.

noblegiraffe · 21/06/2013 20:27

Actually, it seems pretty unfair on your DH to make him work longer hours, give up insurance and mortgage payments and be poor, so that you can spend time with your DS.

gordyslovesheep · 21/06/2013 20:27

I wouldn;t give up the security of insurance and having some emergency savings, plus paying ff the actual mortgage , NO

it's a huge risk to take because you don't like your job - look for a new one

Mycatistoosexy · 21/06/2013 20:27

How much would you have left over after you have paid childcare costs from your salary now?

If it us only a minimal amount then you need to weigh up whether that is worth not being at home with your DC

Babyroobs · 21/06/2013 20:28

Personally I could never do it ! I like the security of 2 incomes in case my husband lost his job, also you never know whether your relationship could break up or worse could happen. Also I think it depends how easy your job would be to get back into in a few years, I've read quite a lot of posts on here where sahm's are really struggling to resume their career after being off for a few years, the current job market is really competitive . It is easier to look for a new job whilst you already have one. Is going part time an option or doing a little job a couple of evenings a week ?

FatimaLovesBread · 21/06/2013 20:28

How would you pay off your mortgage if you went interest only but had no money for savings?
Can you not go part time?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/06/2013 20:29

Amazinggg - I am a SAHM, but I wouldn't be if we were going to be as skint as the OP is describing.

Fefifo · 21/06/2013 20:31

I don't know your age but if you're young enough I would let go of the IVF, at least for now and use that money to fund some time at home with your DS. I've been a SAHM whilst broke and whilst not. To be honest I found the former a bit depressing and the latter great. Even with a toddler it can get very boring when you don't have the funds for a trip to the zoo or softplay and coffee with a friend etc. Especially if you don't have many free toddler groups near you, when the weather gets shit and the park's not an option on a very limited budget I found myself crawling the walls when stuck in because everything costs money. I know there are lots of mums happy in those kind of circumstances though but you definitely need to consider if you would be. I wasn't.