to be a sham even though I can't afford it?

[Picoo]

I would really like to stay at home with my DS I don't really enjoy my job and I would like to be a full time mummy. The thing is we could only just about afford it. We would have to pay interest only on our mortgage, give up insurance such as health and maybe house insuranc my husband would have to work longer hours, etc. We would be pretty poor, and we have zero savings, but at least I would be with DS.

Is it crazy to live a poor existence but be there for DS, or should I go back to work and be more financially secure?

[peteypiranha]

You have to think what will happen if I take tike off? Are there going to be many jobs in my chosen career when I go back? Are you going to have current experience so people will choose you over others? Etc. Its very hard to get a job at the moment, and will be for a long time yet. Its very short termist to give up a job with nothing else to go to, little money and no future career plans.

[Cherriesarelovely]

You haven't mentioned if pt work is an option Op. I think that could be a great compromise. I did 2 or 3 days a week from when Dd was 6 months, I had to as a lone parent but it was a nice balance. My friend stayed at home during the day but did a couple of evening shifts at a pub each week and a little bit of childmindingso she was always with her girls during the day. Obviously up to you but not having essentials like home insurance would be a risk I wouldn't take and I am very relaxed about living frugally.

[Arisbottle]

I work to maintain a lifestyle, I am not going to pretend to be a Mummy martyr . I think holidays and hobbies are important.

[NotYouNaanBread]

You give the impression that the 1st motivator for this is the fact that you are not happy in your job. The IVF you have been going through had probably taken it out of you too.

You obviously know that you can't d even begin to finance being a SAHM. You cannot seriously consider interest only repayments on your primary home as a long time solution & stop paying insurance etc. You also seem to be saying that it's okay to double your DH's pressure and increase his hours simply because you don't like your job, which I'm sure you don't really believe.

Why not take a break from the IVF and have a think about the sort if job you would enjoy and find fulfilling? Leaving the workforce doesn't have to be the alternative to a job you don't like.

[MaryPoppinsBag]

I wouldn't give up work if I was you you clearly cannot afford it.

I have been a SAHM and have worked whilst raising my children (7 & 4).

I am currently a childminder, its OK but the income is variable and I find it hard as I'm judged all the time and my house isn't my own. Plus I get no sick pay or holiday pay.

After DS1 I worked 2 days (6 hour days) a week for a decent salary over £500 take home after my pension contributions. I look back at that time and it was wonderful. Time with DS, time using my brain and being me. And extra money for the essentials and few fun things like the gym/ holidays in Devon. Trips to local attractions. It was a very happy time.

I would've loved to return to that arrangement but the company fell on hard times and made me redundant on mat leave. It went into liquidation last year.

Can you go part time? which for be would be the perfect balance.

It is not better to stay at home with your child. It is a nice thing to do. But I know plenty of wonderful well rounded children whose parents work full time.

[poachedeggs]

If you have a very limited income you need more insurance, not less. Our income is very tight but we have life and critical illness insurance, income protection etc. If there's not enough left to save for rainy days then you need to prepare yourself some other way.

We both work and also have a relatively frugal existence (we're not on the breadline or anything but no holidays, days out are infrequent, local leisure centre, bike rides and playdates are our main sources of entertainment) and it's fine. I am part time and DH works shifts so we both have time to spend with the DC. Could you work something like that?

[yabyum]

I hope I lie on my death bed and feel proud that my family have never been stressed about being poor

Agree wholeheartedly with this.

I'd like to give up work, OP. But I have responsibilities. As do you.

[BrawToken]

I wouldn't do this and think it is a daft idea. Why do you get all the benefit of being at home and your husband has to work long hours?

[peteypiranha]

I fully admit I work what I do at the minute for a lifestyle. I like the meals out, holidays, fun times with all the family together etc. I have done the so skint just hanging around the park thing with nothing to look forward to and its absolutely crap and awful.

[icklemssunshine1]

Arrisbottle - totally agree with you. I grew up in a house where neither parent worked & there were arguments every day about how the bills could be paid when my D(cough, cough)F spent all the dole money/child benefit on alcohol. I promised myself I would NEVER have that life.

I was jealous of friends who went in holiday (even if it was just camping in Wales!) & day trips to the zoo. We never had parties or went on school trips. I'm happy I can show my DD the world & give her the experiences I never had as a child. I can only so this if DH & I work full time. We are lucky though that MIL provides childcare 2 days a week so DD in nursery 3 days.

My friend has a toddler DD & is expecting another. She's is still planning in returning to work after her maternity leave although she'll be taking home £200 after bills & childcare. She doesn't mind though - she wants her sanity & adult conversation!! :)

[TimeofChange]

Give up the IVF.
Give up your job.
Downsize or move to a cheaper area.
Live very frugally.
Make meals from scratch.
Maybe invest in a slow cooker and invest in a flask.
Buy spuds by the sack (if you have cool dark storage)
Look in charity shops for Cheap Meal Cook books
Don't buy any new clothes unless essential.
Make do with old towels and bedding.
Don't wonder round shops window shopping.
Don't go any where that costs money ie soft play areas, coffee shops.
Take picnics.
Reasearch the free museums, art galleries and libraries.
Sell stuff on ebay.
BUT Do get house insurance.
Enjoy the time.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Amazinggg - but it might not be interest only for two years. The OP is wanting to have another baby which she would also want to stay at home with presumably.
That is a five year gap, after which time it is going to be hard for her to return to work without an investment in some retraining, and where is that money supposed to come from if they are living on the breadline?

Being a SAHM with one 2 year old can be very cheap, I was there once. But children grow, and go to school and need more things, and money for trips, and they eat more and want a birthday party like all their friends.
Our budget for general outgoings, not including any bills is now £300/£400 a month more than it was 2-3 years ago. That is with just one extra child.
I'm not extravagant, I don't go out for lunch and coffees all the time, or constantly buy things for the DC. But the odd break from the norm is essential, especially as they get older and can't be kept amused with a pile of sticks for an hour any longer!

DH earns good money now so we more than manage, but life would be grim and anxious if money was tight, especially if we couldn't pay the mortgage properly or afford insurance.

[SizzleSazz]

I work for enjoyment, sanity, self esteem, interaction with other professionals, challenge and a change of scenery. Th extra money is great (but we choose to go camping ;) )

My mum always worked and could have had an amazing career but she was dismissed when she got pregnant (as happened in those days . Her wages paid for me to go to Uni (they had NO spare cash)

I am immensely proud and thankful to my mum and am not about to give up on the career advantages her hard work and encouragement provided me with.

[Ashoething]

Does every mum on mn really have a career? Only a handful of my friends have careers and the others are in crappy,menial jobs-shelf stacking,cleaning,bar work etc. They do it to pay the bills but they would much rather be able to stay at home.

I personally don't find going to the park or the local country garden or the library or the museum or any of the other stuff that doesn't cost money "absolutely crap and awful"-but its different strokes for different folks.

[MarshaBrady]

The IVF seems a big thing to give up. I haven't checked back.
Does it mean you won't be trying for another child?

I wouldn't do the time with ds trumps all else. Can you go part time?

[peteypiranha]

I do all those things but only doing those things with no holidays, meals, cant afford presents for other childrens birthday parties, no day trips etc is awful when everyone else is doing those things.

[OnTheNingNangNong]

I certainly dont Ashoe I don't even have a job. Only a few mothers I know have careers.

[peteypiranha]

A lot of mums I know are working in a wide range of jobs such as different managerial roles, nurses, teachers, social workers, family support workers, nursery staff, carers etc. It all makes them a lot better off than not doing any paid work.

[Ashoething]

Better off financially do you mean? not always-many parents I know are working merely to pay the childcare bills.

[peteypiranha]

Yes much better off financially.

[VestaCurry]

It doesn't sound like the time is right to become a sahm. As others have said, you will be cutting the family resources beyond the bare bones if not paying household insurance is in your head. In your situation, I would return full time, cut back on spending everywhere you can, build up some savings and review in 6 months. Perhaps you could consider part-time then? I don't know what support you have - whether you have the luxury of free childcare from a parent living close by. Obviously that makes a huge difference on whether/how much you can save on returning to work.

You need to carefully review the financial impact of all of the options - working FT or PT, if so how many days (depends on your employer too). What will your childcare costs be? Then, the true cost of being a sahm full time (the point made earlier about using tax allowances between couples wisely was v pertinent), but remember to factor in a possible increase in tax credit entitlement.

[peteypiranha]

Needaholiday - It will probably be expensive as you have 2 so close together.