to be a sham even though I can't afford it?

[Picoo]

I would really like to stay at home with my DS I don't really enjoy my job and I would like to be a full time mummy. The thing is we could only just about afford it. We would have to pay interest only on our mortgage, give up insurance such as health and maybe house insuranc my husband would have to work longer hours, etc. We would be pretty poor, and we have zero savings, but at least I would be with DS.

Is it crazy to live a poor existence but be there for DS, or should I go back to work and be more financially secure?

[scottishmummy]

I think you fulfilling yourself but expecting dh works solely to support is big ask
you're not entitled to be housewife with resultant constant scrimp,just because
I'd advise be pragmatic,do consider money and solvency not solely being there

[timidviper]

I worked p/t from when DCs were born and have had a really good balance. We have struggled financially at times, and don't understimate how gard that is, but I don't regret anything about doing it this way

[LookingForwardToMarch]

Sorry you can't afford it.

No house insurance? Insanity!

Have you given any thought as to how you will pay off the mortgage eventually if you are only going to pay interest?

Also have you consulted Dh properly? I can't imagine anyone would be impressed with the idea of working more hours, not seeing their dc and being only one bill away from disaster when there is another adult capable of working in the house.

[bishboschone]

Why not get an evening job?

[StuntGirl]

You can't afford it and its unfair and selfish to expect your husband to shoulder all the financial burden.

[aldiwhore]

Life is about choice and sacrifice. Some people don't have a choice.

You do. You have to decide what is more important to you know. Any choice you make will carry some kind of risk.

Make the right one for you. There isn't another!

For us, me being a SAHM was the right choice from every angle at the time but it cost me dear in the long term. I didn't take the long term future into account enough, 10 years down the line, it's like I'm 16 and just starting out but with a 39 year old body and mind and it's tough... but I made my bed!

I don't know your exact circumstances, and for what it's worth I don't regret our choice at all... you need to do what feels right.

You only live once, and life after children have grown is a fuck of a long time, but still contains space to achieve, you may just have to think differently.

I'll never be as secure as my friend who chose no children, who stayed in her 'boring' job, who's now worked her way up and is on a sweet deal and has a great life and income. She'll never have the joy I've had over the last 10 years. shrugs It's not a competition.

Do what suits, you won't get another chance.

[scottishmummy]

op,you'll hear a lot if stories of eked out life,no treats,tap water,all worth it
the actual reality of a broken washing machine,no money to fix things is grim
precious moments don't fill your fridge,irrespective of what folks say.money fills fridge.not sentiment

[icklemssunshine1]

I say each to their own. I'm a full time working mum but also know mums who have given up their career. I never considered being a SAHM - I like having 2 incomes, the fact we can take DD on holidays throughout the year, we can take her out at weekends. All that would stop is one of us gave up work & as another poster wrote, there are only so many trips to the park you can do!

If it'll make you happy do it, I couldn't. The fear of not having financial security would put not only stress on me but it turn on our family.

[bigkidsdidit]

It's the lack of savings and long term protection in your budget that would scare me. If you can't afford house insurance, what on earth will you do if the car fails its mot or the boiler breaks? I presume it means neither of you will be saving into pensions which would terrify me.

Genuinely, I don't see why being at home 7 days is worth that level of financial insecurity, when you could get a part time or weekend job to build up a buffer.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

I would love to be a SAHM but if I did we wouldn't have a home to stay at because we couldn't pay the mortgage, bills and food without my salary. I work p/t and we live very frugally. I don't work to fund a lifestyle, I work because it is an absolute necessity financially. We are skint all the time! If I went f/t it would be for a lifestyle as we could then afford holidays but we both think my two days off with ds are worth being broke. It is the same for most people I know and it really annoys me when people say working is a choice - for me it absolutely is not! And if it comes to being unable to pay insurance and for the working parent to have to work longer hours, it doesn't sound sensible or fair to me.

[LittlePeaPod]

Just a quick one. Buildins insurance is a equipment as part of your mortgage agreement. You can't cancel that, the bank won't agree to it...

[RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief]

No-one lies on their death bed thinking "I wish I'd worked more..."

MN Myth No 638. I bet some people do regret not having had a career.

[bigkidsdidit]

Academics do!

Anyway, lovely as your situation sounds, Flick, If your DH is a high earner it's not tht relevant - how would you have enjoyed being at home with no money for soft play or swimming or any treats at all, ever?

[peteypiranha]

I think you will regret it. You will find it difficult to get a job after years off especially after this recession. Also you wont have any money or be able to do anything nice, your dh wont have much of a relationship wity your dc and you might not be able to have the ivf so would be sacrificing future children. It doesnt sound like a good idea at all.

[hettie]

What would you do if something happened to your dh (illness, relationship breakdown). Could you return to work?

[TwasBrillig]

I don't get how people are all better off working. We wouldn't be in the immediate future. My husband works long hours so couldn't do pick up or drop off at a childminder, I'd be doing all that and we worked out I'd bepaying for the privilege of returning to teaching.
That's not going to help the immediate bills! So I will return to work later.

Also, if you're superrich and can afford a nanny or private school then children get continuity of care. We'd have to do childminder, school, childminder in an area where that would be unusual and in our case I think the kids would miss out.

I just don't think the finances of working or not are straightforward with childcare and associated work costs.

[BridgetBidet]

You know I think that the current financial rules for SAHMs are the most sexist thing ever. You're not assessed on your own income, you're assessed on that of your partner.

So if you have no income the state steps in and replaces your partner and pays your rent and supports you to stay at home. But these days wages are so low most families can't survive on one. Why is it necessary for single mothers to be supported to stay at home but not mothers in partnerships?

I'm not having a go at single mothers, I just think that you should have the same opportunity to stay at home if you have a partner.

Otherwise try and go PT.

[Lovelygoldboots]

OP, I would think long and hard about giving up your job and think about all your options. Yanbu to want to be a sahm. I have done it for years but it has been very tough financially especially in the last 3 years. It can be lonely. Im glad I did it but its no bed of roses. We have been flying by the seat of our pants as regards money since we had the kids. Many people do. But I have usually had some part time work in evenings. Check about child tax credits also.

[flowery]

"No-one lies on their death bed thinking "I wish I'd worked more..."

Think they probably would if they'd found themselves paying a mortgage on a pile of ash and homeless because they can't afford to rent another property.

Thats a silly cliche it's easy to say that if you are in a financial position to make that choice. But the OP is not.

[peteypiranha]

Twasbrillig- Is this because you had your children close together? Most people I know are much better off with both parents working.

[Arisbottle]

There is more than one way of putting your children first and I don't think that you should put any one person ahead of the whole family unit. I cannot imagine saying to my DH, I want you to see less of our children so I can see them all of the time. By working my children have a good standard of living, they don't have parents stressed about putting food n the table, we can afford to buy those experiences that create golden memories.

I have nothing against being a SAHM, I have been one for many years and would love to be one full time but it is not the only way to " put your children first"

[RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief]

Twas brillig But you have to take the long term view. When you have pre-schoolers it's hard, but once they're in nursery/ school, you'll still have your career/ current experience so your earnings would be higher than they would be if you'd taken several years out of the workplace.

[OnTheNingNangNong]

I'm a SAHM we've never been flush with money but bills go up and now we're having to penny pinch more and more so I'm having to start looking for work to ensure we can survive.

I would rather eat one meal a day rather than give up our insurance. Especially as we know we could never cover problems if they arise in the future.

I may only make a few £££ a month while DS2 is not at school but it is a long term insurance to make sure that we can cover what life throws at us. My husband said he would get a second job but I would not want to put him in a position where he would not be able to see his children as much as he can. Especially if I have the option to work.

[Arisbottle]

I hope I lie on my death bed and feel proud that my family have never been stressed about being poor. I spent my whole childhood listening to people arguing about money . I also hope I lie on my deathbed remembering the wonderful holidays, watching my children excel at their activities, enjoying our home and animals. I will also feel a sense of pride that I have managed to make a difference in an important career.