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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I married a fucking Neanderthal?

190 replies

wongadotmom · 01/04/2013 08:29

We have been having a row about a stag do DH is going to that's coming up in a few weeks time.

I work shifts (NHS) and I pointed out to him that I am rostered to work that weekend so I have told him he will have to make arrangements for childcare for DS(4) before he goes.
DH works mon-fri term-time only so my unsocial hours shifts are not usually a problem re: childcare.

He said that I knew he would be going on this stag do around this time so I should have requested those shifts off so I will now have to sort childcare as it's my fault!

I explained to him AGAIN that I am only allowed a maximum 4 requests per 4 week period and I have used up all those on the wedding weekend (5 hour drive away) and for a day when DS's nursery is closed.

Now he is saying that I should have requested the stag-do weekend off rather than the wedding weekend as we are only invited to the evening do and do I really want to go all that distance just for a night do?

I said not really but I thought that he thought it would be more important for us to be at the wedding celebration than for just him to go to the stag and not us the wedding.

He said that the stag do is more important to the men than the wedding. The wedding is more important to the women.

I said I don't understand that, it makes no sense to me!

He said "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE A WOMAN"

Please help! AIBU? Or have I married a fucking Neanderthal? I am really upset :(

OP posts:
saintmerryweather · 01/04/2013 08:31

Hes a neanderthal and he needs to sort childcare

microserf · 01/04/2013 08:33

A Neanderthal indeed, and an arse to boot. He needs to sort the child are, given he's arsed it up by himself.

Tee2072 · 01/04/2013 08:35

He's not just a neanderthal, he's a twat.

If he wants to go on the stag do (awful things, like hen dos) he'd better sort childcare because you'll be at work. Not off getting drunk. Working and making money.

LindyHemming · 01/04/2013 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MidnightMasquerader · 01/04/2013 08:36

The stag do is more important to some neanderthal male guests. It is not more important to non-neanderthal grooms... [buhmm]

Guess where your DH falls. Childcare is his problem.

janey68 · 01/04/2013 08:36

Yeap you did.
So I guess he thinks your own wedding was more important
To you than to him? Nice

HollyBerryBush · 01/04/2013 08:37

I'm not seeing his logic here at all. he wants to go to the stag do but miss the wedding?

if nothing else, bad manners

MidnightMasquerader · 01/04/2013 08:38

I think he wants just the OP to miss the wedding...

MidnightMasquerader · 01/04/2013 08:38

I think he wants just the OP to miss the wedding...

VinegarDrinker · 01/04/2013 08:39

My DH says "he sounds like an idiot"

Hth

BlackholesAndRevelations · 01/04/2013 08:41

Oh dear. Yes, definitely a Neanderthal. Just tell him you will not be sorting childcare, and leave it at that.

Original poster
wongadotmom · 01/04/2013 08:42

I did ask him that janey68 but that was me twisting things apparently Hmm

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 01/04/2013 08:43

My DH says your H is a prize eejit! Did you marry this man?

Iaintdunnuffink · 01/04/2013 08:44

Yanbu What at arse. He should have thought through the details sooner, if it had come down to a choice of wedding or stag do then he needed to communicate this. To get arsey with you because his kids are getting in the ay of his fun.

My husband is going on a stag do next month, we both had discussions about plans before he accepted. Yes, he's looking forward to it but the priority for both of us would automatically have been to get to the wedding evening party.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue · 01/04/2013 08:46

Yeah, sorry, it sounds like you did.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 01/04/2013 08:47

So when you go off to work what is his plan?

TobyLerone · 01/04/2013 08:50

Fucking hell. What a knob.

LittleChickpea · 01/04/2013 08:50

YANBU - stick to your guns...

Original poster
wongadotmom · 01/04/2013 08:53

I think that is supposed to be my problem LovesBeingWokenEveryNight :(

OP posts:
MoreBeta · 01/04/2013 08:54

"He said that the stag do is more important to the men than the wedding. The wedding is more important to the women."

He is right about that.

He still needs to sort childcare though.

CSIJanner · 01/04/2013 08:59

Well, it's a no brainer. He may well think its your problem, but matter of fact its his as you can't request a shift change as you've used up all your changes.

Personally I think you're right as if you weren't at work, he would have had to look after DS so therefore the onus is on him. Tell him to stop stropping and sort it as if he leaves it to you, you will not do it as he was supposed to looking after his son that night. And if he keeps stropping then he'll just be miserable and won't be able to go as he hasn't got off his arse to sort it.

Snoopingforsoup · 01/04/2013 11:09

He needs to grow up and make sure his child is cared for properly as he is going to be away and you at work. His DS should be put before his jolly! He's a Neanderthal!

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket · 01/04/2013 11:17

What an arse wipe. I hate the mindset lots of men get into about stag weekends. They seem to think it's their god-given right to attend, bugger anyone else's needs. My DH has stopped going on them now after I nearly divorced him when he insisted on going off on a 5 day stag do to Ibiza when the kids were tiny and we could barely afford it

Casmama · 01/04/2013 11:18

How long has your dh known that you would not be able to change your shift for this weekend? Yes I think he became a bit of a twat about it but did you discuss at the time of being invited to both that you would probably manage to swing the wedding weekend but not stag do too?

xkittyx · 01/04/2013 11:20

He's so wrong about the stag do being more important. My DH hates them and didn't bother having one. Getting married to me however was extremely important to him.