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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

253 replies

PicassosSausage · 22/03/2013 14:57

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

OP posts:

PiHigh · 22/03/2013 15:03

YANBU.

At our wedding we sat couples next to each other, mixed my family with Dh's family (i.e. 2 couples from each per table iyswim) and had uni/school friends on their own tables.

Katiepoes · 22/03/2013 15:04

I agree. At ours we had assigned tables (needed at Irish weddings) but not assigned seats. Even then we made sure that everyone knew someone.

WorraLiberty · 22/03/2013 15:05

YANBU

I probably would have quietly swapped seats with someone.

AuntieStella · 22/03/2013 15:06

A wedding reception is a smarter and larger version of how you would entertain people anyhow. It's pretty normal to separate married couples at table (unless in the first year of marriage).

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 22/03/2013 15:07

I think mixing people up at weddings is ridiculous. Sit people with their friends/those they know so they can all relax and have a good time.

Tailtwister · 22/03/2013 15:09

Traditionally it's normal to separate couples at a wedding reception. I do agree it's quite tiresome and hard work though. I always get seated next to the resident PITA at these things, probably because people know I can be trusted just to bite my tongue and get on with it.

BandersnatchCummerbund · 22/03/2013 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PicassosSausage · 22/03/2013 15:10

AuntieStella I've never heard that before about first year of marriage, alas we were not! I would have been happy to be split up with DH, in fact would have preferred it, if it had been on a table with our friends

I don't mind being split up and next to a stranger say at a dinner party, but that's a more intimate environment, not a noisy wedding

OP posts:

ecuse · 22/03/2013 15:10

"It's pretty normal to separate married couples at table (unless in the first year of marriage)"

I must have missed the rule book entry on this

I just let people sit where they want at home. And at weddings I like sitting in groups of people I already know. Often half the fun of weddings is catching up with old friends you don't see very often/all together.

TobyLerone · 22/03/2013 15:10

YANBU.

I LOATHE forced 'mingling'. I don't want to sit with strangers. I want to sit with DH and my friends/family.

At my wedding, I refused to have a seating plan at all. We didn't have a top table and I just made sure that there were more seats than people. The event planner almost had kittens about it, but it worked out fine and everyone could sit with whoever they wanted to sit with.

Ragwort · 22/03/2013 15:11

I would much rather sit with different people than with my DH, after all I sit with him for every meal all the time . What I don't like is sitting with other people's children when you have been specifically told that your own children are not invited.

However, I would much, much prefer to go to an informal 'buffet' type reception than a boring sit down meal with rubber chicken.

FringeEvent · 22/03/2013 15:12

That's a bit strange. Having close family/friendship groups split between tables isn't particulary unusual (we resorted to doing this at our wedding because it was max 10 people per table and some of our 'groups' were 11 or 12 people, so it was better to split them at evenly as possible, eg. 5 on one table and 6 on another, rather than have individuals/couples singled out to be separated from their usual crowd). But not sitting next to your partner? Just seems completely unnecessary, and a bit mean (or at the very least, inconsiderate).

ENormaSnob · 22/03/2013 15:13

Yanbu at all.

At least there was alcohol

aldiwhore · 22/03/2013 15:13

It may have been normal to separate people in the century before last but it's not the norm now.

I don't mind sitting with strangers, but I would insist I sat next to the person I'd been invited with during a formal meal. If I want to mingle, I will but I'm not keen on being told I can't sit next to my husband. I'd have swapped around the seating plan.

I'm very sociable, but I can't be doing with this micromanaging bollocks.

At our wedding we had long tables and put friendship groups/family groups on each table... why is it so important to insist that my mate from school chats to my great uncle in-law? What was important to me was that everyone had a great time, had fun and enjoyed celebrating the ONE thing that bound them all, our marriage. I couldn't have cared less about them mingling politely. It resulted in a very happy, relaxed, friendly atmosphere where people later mingled all by themselves until the early hours.

Startail · 22/03/2013 15:14

I like being with DH and need to be withDD2 because she is a pain about food. I'd rather not have got just my parents and DSIS, much as I love them. I go and see them quite often and chatter on the phone. We know each others gossip.

Cherriesarelovely · 22/03/2013 15:15

This post made me laugh. When we had our civil ceremony DP got herself a special computer programme to organise the seating! She came downstairs proudly brandishing this plan in which she had mixed EVERYONE up. People were no where near their partners, work colleagues were with our family and nowhere near each other, one or two older children weren't even near their parents! I told her people would absolutely hate it. Fortunately she eventually agreed. I don't think being split up on a table is that bad but it is a bit "forced".

I am also very outgoing but had a really embarrassing time at a wedding a few years ago when I was sat at a table where I knew literally no one but they all knew each other. It was so horrible!!! I couldn't wait for it to end!

Sparklingbrook · 22/03/2013 15:17

I hate that. Me and DH did a bit of emergency name card rearranging at one wedding, I had bought an outfit, a present, a night at a hotel I would never stop at usually, and driven 100s of miles for the wedding. I will sit with DH ta very much.

BackforGood · 22/03/2013 15:21

Surely you could have just swapped the name cards around ?

Sparklingbrook · 22/03/2013 15:23

Exactly Back.

GrendelsMum · 22/03/2013 15:23

Gosh, I can't bear being sat next to my DH at a wedding - I see him every day as it is, so I hardly want to drive hundreds of miles in order to sit next to him some more.

Sparklingbrook · 22/03/2013 15:25

but at least you know him Grendels. Who wants to sit with total strangers?

MimiSunshine · 22/03/2013 15:27

It may not have been on purpose, my friend was annoyed when she realised that the hotel had put place cards out in first name alphabetical order rather than in couple order. So some were and others weren't next to each other.
I pointed out she must have given them to them in that order but it fell on deaf ears

ThatBintAgain · 22/03/2013 15:28

Gawd, I went to a wedding with DH (way back when we weren't married!) and he was the best man. He sat on the top table and I knew no one at the whole wedding and ended up on a table miles away with some random kids who threw soup. (My vegetarian main meal was brought out by a man who said "there's always one awkward bugger".) I have never got so drunk so quickly.

mrsbungle · 22/03/2013 15:29

YANBU. I also cannot stand forced mingling. Cringy. I do enough of the having to make small talk 'networking' at work. At a wedding I just want a glass of wine and to enjoy myself!

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 22/03/2013 15:30

I sat with total strangers at a wedding once. Then again I knew nobody but the bride and her immediate family.

Methinks it would have been a leeetle unreasonable to insist on being sat at the top table

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