Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

[PicassosSausage]

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

Just because some people don't like enforced mingling it doesn't mean they resent sitting next to strangers. They could just find it really stressful trying to eat a meal and make smalltalk at the same time?

I think we need to remember that the original complaint by the OP was being made to sit on the same table but perhaps a chair or two apart from her partner, and having to talk to various 'random cousins and friends' rather than being placed only with people she already knew.

Let's keep this in perspective. No-one is being asked to it at opposite ends of the room to the only other person they know, and then spend the day listening to the anecdotes of the Yorkshire Ripper, or the party manifesto of Nick Griffin.

We mixed up friendship groups half and half, purely because of table logistics. But we thought about who would be likely to get on with each other. I would be annoyed at being apart from DH, especially as we have DS. I would never separate couples or mix people up so they didn't know anyone.

Why would you do that? To make your friends uncomfortable? So you can think smugly, oh all our friends got on so well. As if on the day you even notice!

That's true Fellatio. Ooh imagine being sat by Katie Hopkins or something. If I was sat next to a mutual friend of the couple I didn't know I think I would be very worried about putting my foot in it though. The small talk would be very small.

Oh I'm sure even she can be quite pleasant when she is being paid to dream up some inflammatory bollocks.

She would of course be dressed all in white Fellatio.

She bloody would, wouldn't she? All 'look at me, not the bride'.

By the end of the Reception she would be topless in a field with the Groom anyway.

Argh!!! But what about people who don't know anyone else at the wedding apart from the B or G?

Where are they supposed to sit? Out by the sodding loos, in order that try don't contaminate the couples/friends?!

Exactly that ifancy! All the people specifying how they want to sit are thinking of it just from their perspective when there are usually lots of different people in different circs and it's about trying to find something that works best overall for your guests.

Not everybody likes weddings. Not liking that sort of contrived event doesnt mean that invited guests dont like the B&G or dont wish them well. The B&G should understand that they arent doing people a favour by inviting them to their wedding. It is a compliment to the guest to be invited and a compliment from the guest to the B&G to accept the invitation.

Why invite weird Uncle Arthur and then invite second cousin Joan who is a 'safe pair of hands' to look after him? All too many of these big weddings seem to be about looking right (all the relatives ticked as having been invited) rather than feeling right.

I no longer go to weddings when I know that I have been invited simply because the B&G 'want all the family there' rather than because they want the individual people there.

Would it be within the realms of possibility of the Bride and Groom to ask anyone coming on their own what sort of people they would like to sit with? I would probably opt for elderly relatives.

That would be a considerate thing to do.

I'd go for the piss heads!

How about pissed elderly relatives fancy?

If I can just ask a daft question about a comment 10 pages back... Why are assigned tables needed at Irish weddings in particular?

Am I the only person who might be slightly miffed at having to sit next to someone I see every day? I know what Mr Inferior is probably going to say. I can get that at home for nothing. Having made the effort to go out, surely the least I can expect is a bit of conversation with someone new?

I wondered that too Dad!

haha - mother I think this is the thread that divides the young and in love from the old and jaded.

Pissed elderly relatives are usually HUGE fun!!

I think it should be more acceptable to just say that youdon't attend weddings. I've said this to a few people and jaws have dropped. I stand by it though. I will not attend another wedding until it is my daughters.

I would think that if you are inviting people to attend your wedding you should know them well enough to know if they can cope with being sat away from their DP next to complete strangers they may/may not get on with, or if they would be uncomfortable with that set up. Then you could seat guests accordingly. I don't get why you would invite people you really don't know that well at all tbh.
This is why we had a very small wedding with afternoon tea in a hotel - plenty room for everyone and you could choose to mingle with strangers or sit with people you knew

What a minefield. My sister didn't have a seating plan and it was a bit chaotic, with everyone asking me where they should sit!
I agree with sparkling that there isa huge difference between not being keen on enforced mingling and refusing to talk to/sit with strangers.

I agree Elegant.

The worst weddings I have attended have been 'family' weddings where the invitation seemed to be more of a 3 line whip. The last one we were invited to was accompanied by a silly rhyme about wanting money or holiday vouchers. MiL was genuinely shocked that we immediately declined. In her eyes we should have attended simply because it was family even though this was a cousin of DH's who he hadnt met in 20 years and I had never met.

IME these are precisely the weddings where couples get split up and random relatives are put together simply because they possibly share some DNA. You have nothing in common and have been invited only to have the set in attendance (all the family was there!).

That's another thing Worried - I'm quite surprised people still invite so many family and so few friends, or friends and colleagues are only invited for the evening do. I think friends can be the new family and we certainly invited lots to our wedding - though I guess my mother still suggested quite a few distant cousins !
We went to one of DH's colleagues weddings recently as evening guests and there was only a pay yourself bar. Virtually no food - though I did help myself to a bit of cheese and biscuit and a small tart (which only left one for someone else) and not even any clear place for us to sit. And a band to dance to which were OK. As I hardly knew anyone it wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but the children enjoyed it, as children are often quicker to make friends than adults I find.

My POV on weddings these days is that you should have people there that at least one of the happy couple knows reasonably well, this should include family too. At least then you stand a good chance of being able to seat people together who might get on and have a good time.

If DP and I ever bother to get married, I am NOT inviting the many, many cousins from my dad's side who I last saw at least 20 years ago and have zero in common with them apart from a small bit of DNA.