Mixed seating at weddings WHY??

[PicassosSausage]

Was recently at a wedding where DH and I were split up, at the same table, but with various random cousins and friends of the bride and groom between us. Am I being a miserable old wench for not liking this at all? The people between us were complete strangers and, although we are both pretty outgoing, I really loathe the whole forced small talk thing. I'm sure bride and groom were hoping we'd all mix and get along - which of course we did - but I don't go to weddings to make new friends, sorry I don't I go for the free booze

Our friendship group was scattered across the room and husbands and wives similarly split up on tables

I know it's their wedding day but AIBU to think this is just annoying and a bit...I dunno...stupid

God this thread is miserable. I detest weddings being treated as university reunions - have been to a couple like that, and while that is fun to a certain extent, it's the same group of people every time, and they are all coupled up with each other and apparently inseparable from their partners so I end up bobbing around by myself.

I can't believe some people are so violently opposed to being friendly and polite to someone they may not know well for the length of a meal. I hope I never end up sitting next to any of you.

If the bride and groom have put some thought into it then the seating plan will be designed with everyone's comfort and enjoyment in mind, and everybody should be sitting next to someone they should be able to talk to. There is nothing more boring than a wedding where you end up seated with and talking to the same people all day and night.

weddings are brilliantly naff
go
lie to everyone
snog a bridesmaid and only eat cake
dance all night

i have only been to one wedding that didn't have a seating plan. i thought it was odd - people who knew each other all huddled together and there didn't seem to be any mixing.

at our wedding we sat couples together but the tables were mixed. it owrked out that everyone knew at least three other people at their table but were also sat with people they didn't know. we had fairly smal tales - i think 12 was the biggest.

one of my favourite memories of the reception is looking around the room and seeing everyone chatting away and having a good time.

Oh FFS, stop all being such babies about it!

I would not put couples on separate tables, and I would try to make sure that people were reasonably well matched and likely to get along, but I would would have no qualms about splitting them up around a table of 6 or 8 - it's what I'd do for a dinner party so why not a wedding?

Why on earth do you need to cling to your partner, and act as though you've been forced to share a table with some strangers in IKEA cafeteria because there is nowhere else to sit, and then studiously ignore them? How bizarre, childish and ungracious.

The thing about weddings is that sometimes there will be old friends of the B&G who may know nobody else, or maybe someone recently divorced or widowed, and it's alright for you to say you can't be bothered with forced mingling, but are they to sit on their own on a table for lepers, while you all have a jolly good time with your bezzies ignoring everyone else?

It's only for the meal - after that you get up and mingle, dance etc anyway.

When I had a big wedding, first time round, had no seating plan. Everyone told me how refreshing and great that was. Then over the years i've been to all their weddings, and they've almost all had plans! Have much preferred those who don't. I favour an informal vibe I guess, but why would anyone want to be told where to sit when they are supposed to be having fun? Hate it, hate it, hate it. And fully accept that I am in the minority, though don't understand why.

Fellatio and Fair, I thank god there's a couple of sane people on this thread.

Just hope there's a few like you at my friends upcoming wedding. Else I'll be spending an awfully long time with no one talking to me / feeling like a leper if I attempt to chat to someone who, horror is being forced to interact and mingle with someone they don't know!

Disliking seating plans has nothing to do with being unsociable. I can talk to anyone and have no problems with small talk. I like meeting new people. That's why I don't like spending three hours on one table with one group.

I'm starting to think that some people are just ill-mannered and selfish or that they just do not have the emotional intelligence or the social skills to sustain an interesting conversation with anyone who is not exactly like them. How sad.

I am guessing lots of you are quite young, and all I can say is god help you if you end up having to play the role of corporate wife a few years down the line, or if progression in your own job relies upon you having to build relationships with clients and entertain them outside of an office environment.

Some of you are coming across like spoilt children.

Comparing it with the skills required for being a corporate wife or building work relationships supports the view that it's hard work. And not the great fun that the bride and groom hope it will be.

ComposHat I also always get sat next to "Uncle Knobhead", as we refer to them here. At the last wedding I went to (SIL) I begged her to not put me next to her (and DHs) uncle knobhead. It's us the only guestzilla thing I have ever done, but I really couldn't cope with 3 hours of said uncle attempting to manoeuvre so close he'd be sat on my knee by the end of the first course. Fortunately she likes me and sat him the other side if the table

It isn't always hard work nfk - sometimes it can be great fun. But even if it is occasionally like pulling teeth you have to be able to get through it with good grace, don't you? No point flouncing or sulking if it's part of your job.

But I was not comparing it in quite that way - I was merely saying that if you are so inward looking and self-absorbed that you resent spending a couple of hours getting to know new people, being pleasant to them, asking them questions about themselves and being able to listen with genuine enthusiasm and interest for more than a few minutes without wishing you were somewhere else, then you have little chance of coming across well should your job or your partner's job ever require that of you in a professional capacity, and frankly you are probably a bit of a dullard yourself.

And you never know you might actually learn something, make a useful contact, a new friend, a new partner, or just find yourself sitting next to the most interesting/hilarious person you've met in years.

I'm just astounded at how many of you object to this. Are you all about 17?

Sounds like sometimes the inexperienced bride and groom get a bit carried away with organising the seating plan - too ambitious and creative with it.
Just because you know two people have been to South America say doesn't mean they will have much in common or enough to talk about for the whole afternoon. Whereas a bunch of people who all went to college together, or a group of cousins who've known each other from childhood but only meet up every year or so, will more likely have much more to catch up on !
I think seating couples opposite one another could work well if that's feasible.
You don't know how much they'll want to talk with each other - they may find it more interesting and fun to talk with others, so best to allow for some flexibility in that regard if you can.

Personally, I think it's more fun to move around and mingle. Usually, what happens at weddings, there are the people at the table to talk to and then the disco starts and there's no chance to talk to anyone. Me, I'd rather talk to more people.

That said, I think people shouldn't go to weddings they don't like the sound of. If aspects of it bother you, stay home.

I think some people are confusing 'preferring to sit next to your partner' with 'not speaking to anyone else on your table at any point'.

I don't think any of us who would rather sit with our partner have said anything about 'studiously ignoring' everyone else at the table. Nor are we 'babies' without emotional intelligence or social skills

So why fear beng placed ten feet away from him for a couple of hours then, and being expected to chat to people other than him? It does sound a bit needy and infantile tbh.

I have also been to wedding where the B&G obviously thought they'd sit me with a particular group of people because "Ipswich can talk to anyone". Yes I can, if they talk back to me! I've been sat (next to dH)with one group who all knew each other really well and pretty much blanked me and DH for the whole meal. I kept getting asked to go and dance with friends (from another table) but I couldn't leave DH sat there with that miserable lot by himself, especially the morose drunk next to him who ignored everyone.

I think it's fine to be sat at a table with strangers hen the B&G think you'll have lots in common and be able to get along with them, but for christs sake be friggin polite and talk to someone when they're trying to make a conversation with you. There's nothing so isolating as being ignored at a table when you're all effectively stuck there for a good couple of hours

Are you saying you can cope with chatting to people so long as you have your partner right next to you, but if he is a few feet away then it becomes a chore? I don't get it.

I don't really know why you're being so nasty about this, Fellatio, or why you're chucking around (albeit very mild) personal insults.

You don't mind being separated from your partner. You're great at small talk. You judge everyone who prefers to spend their free time sitting next to the person with whom they attended the event. Good for you. I'm sure someone will be along with your prize shortly.

Exactly Ipswich and that is far more likely to happen if all the other guests at your table are already friends and you are the odd ones out. Which is exactly why for the sake of people who may not know many others there, it is polite and sensible to mix people up, and sometimes split partners around the table as well. Although personally I think the partner splitting is less important than the clique splitting. It's ok if you have whole tables of people who know one another but it's almost impossible to not end up with some people who cannot be accommodated like that and they will end up feeling miffed and left out, if they get Auntie Iris and Uncle Harold, while all their friends get to be together. So it's best just to mix everyone up to some extent.

Our venue put some of the cards in the wrong place, separating a couple. I said how sorry I was and the couple said not to worry, it wasn't a problem. So it might not have been the wedding couple's intention.

Toby I am not directing my 'insults' at any one person - I'm just genuinely bewildered at how many people are grumpy and sniffy about this.

People are always grumpy and sniffy at weddings. Because, weddings are usually quite stiff and prolonged and, yes, hard work. Not hard work like hauling coal but an effort. The bride and groom think they have created something magical, everyone tells them their wedding was lovely and then they bitch on here.

I didn't say you were. It takes more than being called 'childish' to insult me.

But if anyone is being 'grumpy and sniffy' about this, it's you. You are being quite condescending about people for whom this sort of situation is easier if they can sit next to their partner.

Yes, but fellatio you are not coming across as 'genuinely bewildered' you are being dismissive and sarcastic about people on this thread who have said why they dislike mixed seating, and have given good reasons why. Horses for courses. You are fine with it. Others prefer a different situation. No-one has said that if they are seated next to their partners they only speak to them and ignore everyone else. Just, if you go to someone;s wedding you'd quite like to have a good time, and for some people that means being also able to chat with their partners or friends.