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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to pick dd's friend up from her dance class tomorrow?

504 replies

stormforce10 · 08/02/2013 12:16

Just had a call from DD friend's mum asking if I could pick up her DD and look after her after dance class for an hour or so as she has to take her DS to a birthday party.

Normally I wouldn't hesitate BUT last time I did that for this particular mum she turned up for her DD over 3 1/2 hours late and her explanation was that as both children were at friends she and her DH had decided to go out for lunch. No response to phone calls or text messages and I was desperately trying not to let on to her DD that I was getting worried something terrible had happened. That was 6 months ago but I was so angry with her I still haven't forgotten it let alone her DD's tears when she realised mummy wasn't coming when she said(6 years old)

I managed to say "sorry I can't we're busy tomorrow" and she's come back with a text message saying "please please please I've asked lots of people and they can't either really need someone or I won't be able to take DS to party and he'll be really upset".

What the hell do I text back now. I really like the little girl but I don't want to be taken advantage of again in this way let alone deal with the upset. I'm guessing if lots of other people can't (? won't) do it I'm not the only one she's done this to.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 08/02/2013 12:19

The "please please" would have been it for me.

No is a complete sentence.

KatoPotato · 08/02/2013 12:19

I think you need to take her to task by way of reply and state

'Last time was ridiculous, seriously. I'll take her for an hour but don't be going swanning off again this time it wasn't ideal for anyone, including your DD.'

OTTMummA · 08/02/2013 12:20

Just say no, it's not your problem that she has given herself a reputation is it? If you cave this time it will be harder to say no and mean it every time after this, and if you do say yes she will ask you every time because all she has to say is ' please, please, please'

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 08/02/2013 12:20

I wouldn't have her either. 3 and a half hours late takes the piss

valiumredhead · 08/02/2013 12:20

I wouldn't because of what she did last time. Being late is fine if there is a REALLY good excuse like an emergency. She'd have burned her bridges with me. I would simply text and say sorry you can't as you are going somewhere straight after dance class.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/02/2013 12:21

Text back again, "sorry no, I really can't" Be firm!

HollyBerryBush · 08/02/2013 12:22

Dont answer the text. It isnt compulsory!

PureQuintessence · 08/02/2013 12:22

I would go further than that and say:

'Last time was ridiculous, seriously. Are you surprised that you can find nobody to take your dd, seeing as you go off for hours leaving people at a lose end with your child?. No, I wont be taking her.'

Greythorne · 08/02/2013 12:23

I would text:

"Gosh, it's a nightmare, isn't it, all the juggling we have to do! I feel for you, but unfortunately, we are utterly snowed tomorrow. Hope you find a solution. Best
Greythorne"

GeneHuntsMistress · 08/02/2013 12:24

Just tell the truth.

Remind her what happened last time and that you are not willing to take the risk again, you don't trust her word, and that is the end of the matter.

Why lie? The truth speaks for itself!

PureQuintessence · 08/02/2013 12:24

Well, much less confrontational.... Grin

undercoverhousewife · 08/02/2013 12:24

Her behaviour last time was so odd that I can't help thinking there may be more to it - something she hasn't told you. But neither a birthday party nor a dance class are unmissable so this is not an emergency where you would bend over backwards to be helpful. Stick to your guns until you have an explanation/ apology. It sounds like she might have burned her bridges with all her other friends too - maybe she has treated them the same way. Some people do....

valiumredhead · 08/02/2013 12:25

I would WANT to text what quint posted but in reality I would text what grey posted - it's amazing how unreasonable people can turn things around and end up making you the bad guy.

DeWe · 08/02/2013 12:25

I'd probably do something like say I would but she needs to be picked up really quickly as I have something to go onto that I can't take her to say, within an hour and a quarter.

PureQuintessence · 08/02/2013 12:26

Not sure I would have the courage to post what I and KatoPotato posted....

HollyBerryBush · 08/02/2013 12:26

I just wouldnt answer the text. No confrontation at all that way.

Thumbwitch · 08/02/2013 12:26

Hmm. If you feel sorry for her DS, then say you'll pick up the DD but only to drop her off at the party as you won't be able to have her at your house for any length of time (no explanation required).
If the party is a genuine reason, then that shouldn't be a problem (except then of course for the mum, having an uninvited child coming to the party). If it's an excuse, she won't give you the address.

If she doesn't give you the address of the party, then say No. And stick to it.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 08/02/2013 12:27

I like Katopotatoes answer. Not sure if you are going to the dance class anyway - if so I would do it, if not then "No still busy and not after last time"

tiggytape · 08/02/2013 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain · 08/02/2013 12:27

you have already said you can't because you are busy so that is it. You don't have to elaborate. Just post again, "Sorry, I can't. As I said, we are busy tomorrow, hope you can sort something out."

Sugarice · 08/02/2013 12:28

A 3.5 hour lunch!, did they have a crafty shag afterwards too Hmm.

If you're not happy then say no you're busy.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 08/02/2013 12:29

I would develop sudden toothache that requires an immeidate visit to the dentist.

Why does she have to stay at the party with her DS?

expatinscotland · 08/02/2013 12:29

She's asked lots of people? That tells you right there. Why can't she drop her son off at the party?

I would tell her no again. No 'sorry', either. 'Can't do it. Have other plans.'

Molehillmountain · 08/02/2013 12:29

Good grief-I think it's rude to be twenty minutes late to pick up a child. Three and a half hours?!! I don't think you owe her am explanation, just a "sorry, it's not convenient". Followed by an "it's not convenient" if that doesn't work.

CloudsAndTrees · 08/02/2013 12:31

I'm terrible at saying no to people, so while I agree with the above posters about being honest about your reasons for not wanting to look after her dd, I'd probably lie for an easy life.

I'd text back and say 'No, I can't, after dance class we are going straight to lunch with friends/my in laws house/the opticians/whatever seems plausible.'

Be blunt, she deserves it after her pathetic 'please, please' bollocks, which would irritate me enough to be firm with the no.